How do i rebalance finances after a big promotion when our marriage has always been financially equal?

[pilii]

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Our incomes have always been roughly equal and grew at the same pace the whole time so we've just done a simple 50/50 split on everything and never had to think about it. We both are in mid 40s, Also we both earns ok 6 digits

That's about to change. I got a promotion starting this September, and I'll be earning about double what he makes. We have 3 kids together, and I'm trying to figure out how to fairly restructure things now that our incomes are so lopsided

A few things I'm stuck on
Shared bills/mortgage stick with 50/50, or switch to proportional (I'd cover ~2/3)?

Savings/investing should contributions to joint savings also scale with income, or stay equal?

Personal allowance should our individual "fun money" also be proportional, or does it make more sense to keep that equal so neither of us feels like the higher earner gets to spend more freely?

Kids' expenses (school, activities, etc.) proportional like the rest, or split evenly since they're both our kids regardless of who earns what? They are all teenagers

We've never had to navigate an income gap before, so this is genuinely new territory for us after 17 years of things being simple. Anyone been through a similar shift especially later in a marriage rather than starting out unequal What worked and what caused friction

So you are married but keep finances separate? Any reason for that? Just curious really.

proportional.

You should have been sharing finances all along and it wouldn’t even come up.

Take the opportunity to review all finances. Do you have decent life insurance, income protection and have you equal retirement provision? It would be prudent to look at how to invest the extra you expect in a way that benefits the long term wealth of your family. Max out your ISAs, increase SIP Payments and savings, including pension contributions for your kids.

It’s just money, household money. Spends stay equal because you are equals.

You have a good, honest in-depth talk about your expectations for now and for the future.

Look at your total assets and your total income.

Do a “what if” discussion about separation or death and second marriages.

Discuss what holidays you each expect and how they would be funded.

Look at the expectations of what is done in the home, cleaning, cooking, shopping, house maintenance

What are your expectations for future work, promotionsand how long each of you will work?

What’s the pension situation for each of you?

Talk!

This happened to me and MrsIrene. I was the higher earner for a long time, but she's in a more marketable field so now earns about half as much again as I do (we are also 6 digits, me only just, she about $150K). She also has to travel for work (4 hours away by car, when she's not WFH) so she now spends more of her money on getting things done in the house that she doesn't have time for, and bought a new and expensive electric car that took ages to pay off. It definitely took me a bit of time to get my head around no longer being the higher earner and I didn't like it at first but I am now OK with it, and she is very generous with occasionally paying extra for us. We have separate money but a joint account into which we put the same amount. I think if you earn enough anyway, which I do, the disparity is OK - I would imagine it would be hard if one person was well paid and the other wasn't.

We pool everything together.

Pay all the bills (including a pension for me as I’m currently SAHP caring for DD and DN) then take equal fun money.

Then savings (equal for both) and tax efficient ISAs etc.

We’ve always done things equally so kept it that way when DH fluked a role with a mahoosive pay rise (literally someone else died very unexpectedly, DH stepped up for a while and then was offered the role permanently- the company would never ever ever have promotes him for it if the person had resigned, they’d have recruited).

I wanted to say huge congratulations on your promotion OP! Never felt more proud of someone I don’t know in my life! Lovely Thursday news is that!!!

Finances, mine & my DHs are separate.
Bills & mortgage in one joint account, we have our own separate wages & own money accounts.
Nearly 30 years together, always done this.

We have always adjusted according to earnings. For around 15 years it was 60:40 as he earned more, now it’s 70:30 as I earn more. I don’t want him struggling when I can easily core more.
All repairs, decorating etc I pay for too.
Kids hobbies (bloody expensive) he covers, I do contribute to that too but not as much. That’s seen as his department.

Works well for us, we never argue about money any way.

I agree that now is a great time to review finances. I personally would say 'fun' money should be the same for both of you.

You could keep everything the same, and put your new excess into investments, or pensions? Pension might be prudent from a tax pov anyway. But yes talk! Lots of communication needed.

For me it would depend on what he'd do if the situation was reversed! I'd also be looking at how loyal he was and whether I thought I might need an exit strategy in the future.

All money in one pot. Agree how much goes to savings each month. How much goes to each of you for fun money. You’re a team.

No she shouldn’t! Just because you do it it doesn’t make it right.

Dh and I have separate accounts and we never argue about money. We earn similar and if he wants to buy 3 motorbikes, which he has done in the past, it has no affect on me or the joint pot. I’m not funding them and he doesn’t fund my expensive bag habit. I prefer to be financially independent and if we were to split in the future it wouldn’t be a big deal financially for me as I have my own money and savings.

@piliiI would do expenses in proportion to what you earn. As for savings stick to your own. Dh and I have different savings amount, but if one of us needed more we’d gladly help each other out. Eg he used an inheritance to pay off the mortgage I used mine on extending our house.

As long as you both feel it’s fair then there shouldn’t be any resentment on either side.

Couldn’t disagree more.

Future proof, protection and a realistic pragmatic outlook on what the future could hold.

You cannot ever be 100% certain of anything.

You can however be prepared and savvy.

It’s finances, it’s business and it’s your responsibility to protect yourself in this day & age.

I agree I would have it all pooled anyway, if you are happy together and in it for the long-term. Family money is just family money.

I’m also so curious to know what Industry or job role you are in that you have doubled your income 😯 congratulations! 🙌🏼

The reason I say proportional:

If one of you had an accident/illness and couldn't work, you surely wouldn't expect them to continue to pay half, would you? So proportional would be the way to go now you are earning unequally.

Or one pot and equal spends.

Definitely not continue 50-50.

If you don't go all in together (which baffles me but I do understand it's less usual these days) then I don't think proportional is fair, unless you are comfortable having more fun money than he does... perhaps if he is lazy, isn't your forever person or if you have kids or commitments from other marriages etc.

In most cases I would say that you should have equal 'free' money and time left over after bills are paid and chores are done. So shoot for that. Consider whether you can use some of the extra income to take burdens off in terms of chores, childcare etc. You'd both get equal benefit then.

Until you’re not.

Everything into one pot. All bills paid. Joint pot for essential living expenses- food, fuel, kids. Equal amounts into savings/pensions/investments. Equal monthly “fun” money (hobbies, personal shopping, etc). Remainder is a joint decision; we split between house renovation fund, holiday pot, other fun stuff like gig tickets/days out, usually changes on a monthly basis.

We are in a similar position and we pay a pro-rata’d amount into a joint account for all household expenses, then keep savings/investments separate. Pensions, most ISAs, Vanguard accounts etc are not joint in any case?

At that level of income where you have enough to cover all the things you want to buy/do, it doesn’t matter if one person has more fun money than another. If a large expense (eg recent car repair) comes up or we want a particularly nice holiday I will happily chuck in more.

People do things so differently. We are married. Everything in one pot. Pensions, kids savings, our savings out of that. But, we earn the same. And I manage all finances. I think if I suddenly doubled my income, not much would change in how we do it. All in one pot. But we aren’t particularly material - we don’t spend much on ourselves. The biggest outlay is holidays, and we do those as a couple, a family, individually with one or both kids and individually with friends. I think the current system would work with a significant increase for one of us.

In my house everything goes into one pot regardless of who is earning what.

I've never understood married people keeping it separate, if you’re together surely you make financial decisions together and if you divorce it gets split equally anyway?

How do you put your pensions into one pot?

I think you misread my post.

“Pensions, kids savings, our savings out of that.”

We pool everything, always have done. My earnings overtook DHs about 17 years ago & I now earn about 3 x what he does.

Luckily that means we don’t really need to budget, it all goes into one account and we largely spend what we want but would discuss big purchases with each other (eg an item costing £150+).

As a principle I would say both people should have the same “fun money” especially if the change in income has happened during the relationship (I’d be more reluctant/unwilling to share my earnings so freely with a new man, if anything happened to DH and I).

I'd pool everything.

It all goes into one pot and everything comes out of that pot (including money for individual savings because it is good to have these as well).