How do i rebalance finances after a big promotion when our marriage has always been financially equal?

[pilii]

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Our incomes have always been roughly equal and grew at the same pace the whole time so we've just done a simple 50/50 split on everything and never had to think about it. We both are in mid 40s, Also we both earns ok 6 digits

That's about to change. I got a promotion starting this September, and I'll be earning about double what he makes. We have 3 kids together, and I'm trying to figure out how to fairly restructure things now that our incomes are so lopsided

A few things I'm stuck on
Shared bills/mortgage stick with 50/50, or switch to proportional (I'd cover ~2/3)?

Savings/investing should contributions to joint savings also scale with income, or stay equal?

Personal allowance should our individual "fun money" also be proportional, or does it make more sense to keep that equal so neither of us feels like the higher earner gets to spend more freely?

Kids' expenses (school, activities, etc.) proportional like the rest, or split evenly since they're both our kids regardless of who earns what? They are all teenagers

We've never had to navigate an income gap before, so this is genuinely new territory for us after 17 years of things being simple. Anyone been through a similar shift especially later in a marriage rather than starting out unequal What worked and what caused friction

If you rewind a bit how was it decided that everything would be split equally? How equal are domestic/child related tasks/mental load? During maternity leave if it wasn’t salary paid in full as normal what were the arrangements then? All of those answers would have a bearing on my thinking now.

I think I would also think about how it would have split if suddenly you or he was unable to work. Would you then still pay 50/50?

Posted in error.

I think the point about splitting on net income is important. I also think you need to take necessary expenses for the new job i.e. if being a woman means you are expected to have a wider wardrobe rather than 3 suits and 6 shirts or whatever, into account.

The alternative might be to carry on paying 50/50 but you chuck some extra in the pot for holidays or whatever.

This. You aren't flatmates.

Definitely not proportional spending money. I'd be very hacked off if DH blatantly spent more on himself than I got to spend on myself because he was a higher earner.

I'd continue to do a 50/50 split on the usual outgoings, but the higher earner puts more into the joint savings, covers more of the treats like holidays, dinners out, theatre tickets and maybe puts more into ISAs for DC, or covers their birthday money.

Continue with your current 50/50 situation and stick the excess into savings.and/or pension You can never have enough savings, ISA or whatever.
When things go bad they go bad very fast. You need a solid cash back up plan.

that seems sensible. You were both on decent incomes before.
Congratulations BTW.

I was going to say... did you take a cut in earnings during the child rearing years? and would have missed out on extra pension contributions? If so.. I don't think you need go proportional now. The things you mention spending it on appear to benefit you both, and the family so I think that's a good plan. Having emergency funds will be really helpful to the whole family

And what if you think your marriage is fine but one day he not only ups and leaves you with 3 young DC but empties all bank accounts ?
Happily remarried for 30+ years and separate finances .

Most people who go on about 'family money' and 'one pot' don't seem to work. Funny that 🥴

Not really! It makes perfect sense that the families who most need the one pot method are ones where one person has given up work to care for the children/the family/look after the home. One pot is the only workable method available if one person isn't earning anything!

No, it doesn’t!

Exactly. Whenever we get a windfall it just gets all bunged in together. Far less stressful. We are a team. I don’t monitor what he puts on his Cc and vice versa but we agree big purchases together. 25 years and never a single issue to do with finances

a long marriage where kids are older it would pretty much be 50:50.

Says who?

We've been together 30 years thanks

At your level of salary, it would be sensible to put the full 60k pa allowance into your pension, and make sure you've used the full allowance for the previous 2 years too. With a pay rise of 150k, you won't notice it's gone, and it's tax efficient.

So even earning equally, he spends his spare money on him & you spend it on the family/home?

In that case, I'd keep it 50/50 if you're going to be spending on renovations that he isn't contributing to.

If you do end up doing it proportionally using NET income, then he must also contribute to these family & home spending that you do.

I think you've missed the boat with investing in property now, you can get better returns without all the hassle elsewhere, which is why so many LLs are selling up now.

We just pool everything, I can’t imagine having a separate stash just for me when it could be enjoyed by everyone. Maybe spend the extra money on a nice dress to your son’s dinner dance.

Did your pensions take a hit during maternity leave? If so keep things 50/50 until you have topped up your pension to the same level as his.

Congratulations! I’d say proportionate, or maybe keep it as is but you pay more into savings or pay for holidays, or overpay on mortgage.

We always just had a joint account and it didn't matter who earned what or more. We've had times when I was at home with pre-school DC and earning nothing, and then times when DH was not earning much and I was full time on a good salary.

It made no difference who earned the money. We're a team and it just went in one family pot, no matter who provided it.

Married 40 years. We have separate accounts although take a joint approach to financial planning and sharing information, e.g. DH saw a tax advisor today and has discussed options and tax implications both for now and the future (inheritance). We aim to have similar savings and pensions and when an inbalance occurs we just even things out, e.g. when DH had more savings so bought me a car. DC and spouse, similar situation to you although income not so high and they just put it in the joint pot.

25 for me too. Money issues just aren’t a thing for us. We are fully open about all our finances, always have been. Never any issues whatsoever.

@NotNowBernardNotEver Why not provide some more context if youre so sure?

@pilii with this level of income it would be worth consulting with a financial advisor to look at pension contributions and appropriate tax wrappers. They'd facilitate a discussion around savings too for each of you.

Joint back accounts are extremely unwise in this day and age. All too often, men meet someone else and fuck off, emptying the bank account. Of course nobody ever thinks that it will be their DH.

You should always have your own bank account.