How do i rebalance finances after a big promotion when our marriage has always been financially equal?

[pilii]

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Our incomes have always been roughly equal and grew at the same pace the whole time so we've just done a simple 50/50 split on everything and never had to think about it. We both are in mid 40s, Also we both earns ok 6 digits

That's about to change. I got a promotion starting this September, and I'll be earning about double what he makes. We have 3 kids together, and I'm trying to figure out how to fairly restructure things now that our incomes are so lopsided

A few things I'm stuck on
Shared bills/mortgage stick with 50/50, or switch to proportional (I'd cover ~2/3)?

Savings/investing should contributions to joint savings also scale with income, or stay equal?

Personal allowance should our individual "fun money" also be proportional, or does it make more sense to keep that equal so neither of us feels like the higher earner gets to spend more freely?

Kids' expenses (school, activities, etc.) proportional like the rest, or split evenly since they're both our kids regardless of who earns what? They are all teenagers

We've never had to navigate an income gap before, so this is genuinely new territory for us after 17 years of things being simple. Anyone been through a similar shift especially later in a marriage rather than starting out unequal What worked and what caused friction

We do everything in one pot. If we divorced and had separate savings etc they would all be split anyway so it’s kind of pointless really (unless it was pre marriage obs). I would hate to have lots of spare cash and my partner not. We are a team, have kids, have a whole life together, why would we not share our finances?

If you don’t want to do that I would say proportional is fairest with equal discretionary spends.

He isn't lazy he has a good job and earns around 160k. I'm now at 300k.
We have one joint account for shared things like groceries, fuel, food, bills, trips, and kids.

We have another savings account that we contribute to equally, and the pension works the same way.

We bought a new home around five years ago, and 70% of the mortgage is paid off. I don't know how much has to paid from September.

Regarding personal allowance, I'm thinking of keeping more than him, because I have to travel and attend events, so I need to buy new dresses or shop, and I want to upgrade my wellness routine. So I'm thinking of keeping more, but I feel guilty about it.

Also He Pays for Date Nights and Some small trips completely,

Divorce starts at 50/50 so ….

This is exactly what we do and have always done for the last 20 years. Dh works, I don’t.

My DH and I just have ‘money’. We talk about big expenses, but the freedom of being high earners is that we don’t need to account for every penny.

I definitely spend more, but so what.

Why aren’t you combining money, why are you not answering that question?

If you have to travel and attend events for work then that should be budgeted for, not out of your fun money.

be careful of that. DH did that a lot when he first worked away and ended up having very little fun money some months.

You'll have to explain that one to me.

There are many relationships which work extremely well on a proportional split and there are many problems caused by completely shared "in one pot" finances. The third alternative, 50/50 split of the bills, keep the rest yourself, is not a loving partnership if one partner's income is almost eaten up by their 50% of the bills.

Why do people get excited about separate finances as long as it fair

I love it I’d hate having my spending monitor or feeling I’d spent too much of someone else’s money
we pay proportionally and free money is ours to do as we want

In our household:
50% of our salaries goes to joint pot and
50% we spend however we want (save invest or spend).

Put it all into one pot ? - that’s what we do . Works brilliantly

And if that beloved marriage falls apart and one of them turns into a complete cunt and empties the account or uses finances as a bearing stick to make life as difficult as possible, what then?
50:50 splits snd legal council takes time, in the mean time you are relying on someone to not put you in a vulnerable financial position.

Nope, separate as part of a contingency safety plan. Everyone should have one.

Your own career is the best contingency plan.

If it turns nasty, each has access to the account to see what’s being spent and where, if you need to maintain privacy, need to pay for something essential that you don’t want the other to know about, separate accounts will give peace of mind and that privacy to plan without having to answer to someone you are estranged from.
It’s insurance for the future whatever that may hold.

And financial independence.

Which a career gives you… not quite sure how separate bank accounts is going to stop someone being a cunt during divorce.

I could open a new bank account today. It’s not that deep. Don’t marry is the only solution to your level of defensiveness.

How much are your regular expenses? With an extra 100k coming in, I'd review your saving/ spending goals together.

Do you have different attitudes to spending? Different wants related to money?

What will change now you earn more, will you buy a bigger house, go on more expensive holidays? If you split everything equally and dh says he can't afford the new house what happens?

We've always had 1 pot. I earned twice what he did, then 2 years on nothing (mat leave), then less than him (part time), now more than him again. Money goes in, money goes out.

My take home is double my partners, though nothing like your salaries and since we had a child together we pool everything and both have the exact same spending money. The spending money is purely frivolous things though, everything else is accounted for in the budget. For him vapes and red bull, for me make up and the hairdressers.

If you do switch to proportional, it shouldn't be a 2/3 split as you will be taxed to the hilt, so I'd base the split on your NET earnings, not gross.

Ask him what he thinks. We’re both 6 figures also, at one point I was double him, he now earns a bit more than me. We’ve both mostly done 50/50, and then the higher earner picks up dinners, drinks, holidays, extra expenses etc. We don’t argue about money, and if either of us needs help, we send it. It’s worked well for us. I think at this level of income, he might not want to change the split. He might want to also. But I know for me, I could afford 50/50 comfortably and didn’t want to be subbed. My partner felt the same when he earned less. It’s not the same as a situation where someone’s earning a much lower salary and has more spending money

Is there a reason you don't want to pool finances? That would be my first instinct but do you have any reason to feel you aren't solid partners long term?

This was us a few years ago but without the big amounts (I wish!) we decided to keep what we had already put to bills, mortgage etc the same but I topped up our savings more and paid more of/or for holidays (still shared spending). We have roughly the same money to spend. We aren’t a perfect couple but money is the one area we don’t fall out about and both would hate the other one not to have enough to spend.

We already have a bigger home, and it’s enough. I would just like to renovate it a little and improve our garden for more privacy.
I usually spend more, while he spends more on his own things.
I would like to buy another property that can give us passive income. I think it’s possible with our current income.
I would also like to have better holidays and probably help him with some things. We have been together since we were 16. He took care of me when we had nothing and were almost broke university students, so I feel like I owe him. He is still my biggest supporter, so divorce or trust is not an issue here.
An extra 150k would help a lot, but I want to make sure that the majority of it goes towards making our kids’ future better and more secure.

No!! Not Sharing finance Actually makes Sharp.... conscious Awareness about ituation