Husband wants to sell my pre-marriage flat to clear debts

[rdsh]

I’m just asking somewhere objective.

I have a flat I owned before I met DH. It is let out and the income is quite good. I do rely on it to a certain extent because I don’t earn much.

DH however wants to sell it: he wants to clear some debt.

I guess I’m just wondering WWYD … I want to keep it but part of that is perhaps because it benefits me rather than the whole family?

Whose debt is it?

Don’t sell. It isn’t his and you rely on the income. I presume the debts are his. Don’t sell.

Both really … sort of accumulated gradually

I wouldn't sell. What would you do if you split up?! I know its easy to think that you won't, but everyone thinks that

No - dont sell it.

Unless they are joint debts, he should clear the debts out of his own funds.

Be firm - otherwise he will be milking you dry. Forever.

In fact, I would say that this is a red flag and I would be cautious both in terms of mixing finances and his overall attitude to you.

If it's debt he has accrued, don't sell it to bail him out. You need the income.

Is this protected in the case of a marriage split? Because I would be wary of how your DH is thinking.

I think it depends on a few things - is the debt his, yours or family debt? Where has the debt come from - gambling, buying too much stuff, ir just mortgage etc.?

You say that you don’t earn much - does this mean he subsidises your day to day with higher earnings?

It’s a bit of everything. Not gambling though. I just feel responsible, I probably am guilty of overspending and being a bit flippant about money. I’ve been on maternity leave in the last couple of years so obviously income very reduced. And now I’m back at work but only doing two days a week and not earning much.

Honestly he isn’t a bad man but I do feel like his attitude towards money is becoming a bit toxic.

But surely the rental income does benefit the whole family? Unless you are only spending the rental income on yourself and not contributing to bills etc with it?

How much debt is it and whose is it? And what are the plans for re remainder once you've sold it? You're giving up a good income and asset if you sell it, so make sure you are investing the proceeds wisely eg in a pension for yourself, rather than spending it snd propping up your salary - it'll be gone before you know it.

I think we need more information really.
How much are the debts and how would you clear them if you didn't sell the flat?
Whose debts are they, and how have they been run up?
How do you manage family finances? Do you have one pot; pay 50/50; have entirely separate finances?

Well clearing debt is important. Especially if it’s costing you money in interest. But it needs a much bigger discussion.

Why are you in debt?
How much is the debt?
how much is the debt costing in interest?
Can you pay the debt off if you don’t sell the flat?
What do you use the flat income for?
What are your joint goals financially?

I think you need to sit down with all your financial information and have a discussion.

What % of the debt would you say you've created?

Increase your days at work.

How is HE going to pay part of the debt back if it's mutual?

Yeah I agree that more info is needed, if these debts are because you both agreed to £10k holidays then yes you should possibly sell, but if it's because your on mat leave and he's keeping 'his money' and your in debt trying to pay for stuff, then no.

Also - where you do currently live, and, if you own your own house, who paid the deposit and who pays the mortgage?

Problem is what if you have to get the baliffs in to evict? Do you have that kind of money to do it and then cover the bills while its empty if your in debt?

I would be wary as it is removing income stream - so debts will continue to accumulate at a greater rate. I would pop the rent up if you can, sit him down and work out a how to reduce your spending plan - far more effective long term. You also need to equalise spending monies - so all in one pot pay out for living costs and payout for "play" money

@SirChenjins i would say so but it’s my benefit really as it supplements my income.

@redskyAtNigh thats fair, it’s hard to know what to include sometimes. So debt wise they are in DHs name but that’s mostly because he does deal with 100% of the finances. I’m not going to claim I’m not responsible as I am in a way, it’s been cost of living and we’re probably both guilty of living a champagne lifestyle on an orange juice budget to an extent. But when we do make a concentrated effort to rein things in it feels like something comes along and knocks us sideways.soi do understand it’s frustrating.

We both contributed to the deposit for our home but DH pays the mortgage.

The debts are under control but because there’s a lot of them DH is understandably concerned.

How much debt have you racked up on maternity leave if he thinks the only way to clear it is to sell a source of income?!

Don't sell an asset to pay debts which are the result of overspending or low income.

If you don't fix the issue (low income or overspending) then you will be back to the same situation in a few years without anything to sell.

The best approach with finances is to take the long-term view. Do you have pension, do you have savings?

If it's debt through over spending then tackling that behaviour is the best course of action and perhaps you have to up your income.

Definitely this.

You need to work out a way you can personally add to the repayment of the debt. And then ask him how HE will also do this.

For you, it may mean an extra day or two at work. For him, it might mean overtime or a reduction in spending or downgrading his car (etc etc).

It isn’t just maternity leave. Some of it is bad decisions and also being in that funny bracket where any extra income is swallowed by tax and by extra childcare. But I would agree we’re both responsible. It just kind of feels like it’s a short term decision for something that’s a long term asset.

I'm not sure what you mean by "it benefits me rather than the family". Do you have some system of family finances where the rental income is spent by you rather than going into a family pot (whether it's a single pot, or used to decide what you pay into family finances based on your income)? As a minimum, the family should benefit from it!

It will also count as a marital asset if you separate, unless you've taken steps to prevent this.

I’d love to but at the moment any extra work I do is immediately cancelled by childcare costs so it’s not worth it. It is frustrating for everybody.

It goes into my personal account @redskyAtNigh but tbf most of my money does go on the children.

It sounds as thought he is resenting you as an economic "burden" OP and trying to find a way to make you "pay your way."

He has a point if you are overspending, but perhaps the way forward would be to work out a budget together and agree on what you are putting towards it, rather than selling off an asset you won't easily get back.

It sounds like some discussion is needed.

One of the thorny topics is the value of mothering you do. To my surprise, even on MN, there are many people who don't equate a monetary value with this, even if you spent the same time getting up in the night, changing nappies etc as you might shelling peas as a "job." It sounds as though he is one such person. You need to be prepared not to have your contribution to the family talked down.