I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

But she is ill and in pain and cannot work. So he pays the lot and supports her. His income is also hers - which is why she cannot claim UC. That's what marriage means.

Lady, this is ridiculous. You need to divorce.

i agree - my point was mainly the fact that she found all this okay until she got disabled

that is not the point, the prick just gives her his 50% and leaves her to starve and go in debt

I do not know the op’s situation but it really is very possible for people to be young and not able to work.

obvious examples are people who have suffered severe strokes and cannot control most of their body, people who have suffered traumatic brain injuries etc.

i am sure that I will get responses of “oh but everyone can work” well ok, but if you have had a stroke and cannot control your body at all and cannot read or write or even speak any more it’s going to need to be a very special kind of employer to take you on.

as I say, op has not specified her disabilities.

He needs to remember the vows he took, for better or worse, in richer in poorer in sickness and in health. This is economic abuse

I’m in the same position as you OP except that my DH pays all the bills, and gives me money every month (I’m not getting any benefits). You are being financially abused.

Totally agree, whilst I feel for the OP this is a problem in their marriage, not the benefit system.

Two sides to every story of course but the amount of pip she’s receiving would indicate she has a high level of difficulty, and while many pip recipients can work, probably just as many can’t.
Some disabled people work cos they really have to, OP has a husband on a decent wage so it’s not unreasonable that he steps up now, on the basis that if and when her condition improves she returns to work, even part time.

1000 does not cover anything these days. Our mortgage alone is 700 pounds, I earn just above 1000. Of course I need a man who covers everything

Its the husband thats the problem not your finances. This has saddened me. Marriage is a partnership. My husband became very disabled 3 years ago, I am now the breadwinner etc. We share everything. There is no yours and mine.

I think if this was the case with OP she wouldn't be feeling anxious about whether or not she would get the benefits at the end of the ESA entitlement. It sounds like she is borderline for eligibilty at best and in which case then she almost certainely can work, but quite possibly not in the role/ hours she was before becoming ill. Obviously getting to grips with a new chronic illness, fighting for a diagnosis, managing a selfish husband and trying to career change all at the same time is a big ask, but realisticly something OP will have to do at some point in the next 3 decades.

Your issue is your husband not the benefits system. They take his income into account because it is not normal to do what your husband is doing.

GO TO WORK, ASAP

Your husband won't support you so you think the state should?

No need to shout. I am disabled.

@Octavia64 I do not know the op’s situation but it really is very possible for people to be young and not able to work.

Clearly this is correct, but you need to keep in mind that you're on the internet, which is full of clueless and delusional people who think that illness is some abstract thing that just happens to "other people," and it is completely unthinkable that anyone could have a long term and debilitating medical issue before the age of 60.

If you are legally married just stop trying to pay your "half". There is no "your half", thats not a thing. He won't have a leg to stand on as you are jointly and severally liable and your income is assessed as one marital pot, ie any unpaid bills will not be your debt individually. For better or worse, etc. Marriage is a legal status. I'm sorry he is such a poor spouse to you. Maybe print off this thread and show him? What an arse. What does he think marriage is, exactly?!

Why can’t you believe it? I have 2 children and what’s mine is mine and what’s his is his! Been together over 20 years and works perfectly with no joint finances! Some of us like our independence!

But if one of you had circumstances change would you financially help the other one?

First reply in the post nails it 👏
Time to split.

Why are you paying 50% when you dont have an income?

I know you have some benefits coming in, but in the scheme of things, its not much

Leave that financial abusive fucker

1st reply. Totally correct.

Divorce him.

If you can currently do any work it would be better in terms of financial independence and the other non financial benefits that come from working. You would keep your PIP.

Agree with PP to LTB either way.

You need to sit down and have a frank talk with your husband. Why does he not support you? You are a couple for goodness sake. Ask him what he would hope from you if the situation was reversed. He sounds like a sh*t husband to me.

Totally get being independent but surely being part of a loving respectful relationship means if one of you becomes unwell and unable to carry the share of the load the other person steps in and helps where they can, shares any spare cash etc?!
I can’t fathom a situation where my DH would turn around to me and say
“well tough luck that you currently can’t work, you’re still responsible for your half even if you have to get yourself in debt to pay it, and I’ll stash my spare funds where you can’t access them…”
that is pretty awful…