I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

explain this one? how is he taking advantage of her? he does not take any of her money and he pays his share which OP was obviously okay with since they married. They are a young couple mind you

Oh dear.

OP's description of her circumstances should answer your question. I'm sure OP didn't know her husband was going to be like this when she married him, or presumably she wouldn't have done so.

I personally think OP's best option is to divorce this man given his failure to understand that marriage partners should look after each other, but the fact that she is in this situation should be ample illustration of how some people can fall down the cracks so to speak, through no fault of their own (because minus crystal ball none of us is able to predict how a marriage is going to turn out), and we are living in a society that purports to offer a safety net to those who would go under without it. Would you really rather live in a society that said 'Tough, you made your bed, now lie in it'? Because there are certainly plenty of countries you might be happier living in if so.

OP, it's appalling that he's doing this. Sadly I do think separation is your best bet.

ignore this, typo

Either pay a percentage each or leave him as you could be entitled to half his pension and savings and uc if you split. You shouldn’t be struggling and him financially secure that’s not a partnership

This is financial abuse. Go and see a divorce solicitor and explain the situation, see what the say. Also you could speak to citizens advice and women’s aid and again see what they say…. Hope this improves for you xxxx

My spouse has had to give up work, doesn’t get ESA, gets low rate PIP of 280 odd a month. So my wages cover bills/rent/most things. As we are married so it is family money. Any spouse who does not think that when one of them cannot work, is not a good spouse.

But he doesn't HAVE to.
He should, but he doesn't have to.
In which case he should divorce her and then she supports herself with appropriate support. As little as that may be.
Its not our job.

Because it isn’t his share

From what I gather he only pays 50% of the bills despite earning a lot more than Worriedmum029337

He pays for “big” purchases (see my post above) £3.58 per day

But expects Worriedmum029337 to cover everything for dc as well and pay 50% of all the household bills on under £1000 per month.

Whilst this arrangement was ok when Worriedmum029337 was still working. Circumstances change and instead of the salary she was on before she is now battling disability and is unable to bring in the same amount but he has told her she needs to go back to work full time to keep up with her 50% of the bills and looking after dc. . Something that isn’t going to happen any time soon.
But instead of working out what is affordable and coming up with a new income to bill ratio he wants the status quo to remain even if the money to pay bills is not there.

We call it gold digging but a man who values OUR financial stability is top of the list for me..

You are disabled and he's treating you like you're not. Massive prick.

I don’t think this is a common situation. One of the reasons marriage is a legal thing and not just a romance thing is that there are financial and legal obligations that come with it. So your husband is responsible for you (and the reverse) - if he wasn’t prepared for that then marriage wasn’t a good idea.

if you cannot work any again then the question is does something have to change in your lifestyle to live on one income plus whatever you will get in PIP longer term. So maybe something needs to happen - downsizing, etc. But it’s going to have to be a conversation.

Thats how it would work in most relationships - your husband however seems pretty awful and incapable of any of this. I’m so sorry.

Im very sorry you are in this position but I think you are pointing your anger in the wrong direction which is why you are getting some pushback. You say you think this is a common situation but no, it’s really not. It is absolutely normal that a couple’s income is assessed jointly for benefits. The issue here is your unreasonable husband and his apparent attempt to ‘force’ you back into work despite your illness through withholding finances.
Please don’t go into debt. Consult a debt adviser regarding any actions you can take for joint bills like utilities that happen to be in your name as a stopgap measure but essentially you have no choice but to separate from him as you cannot financially afford to remain with him given his attitude.
Even if you remain living in the same property, if you formally separate you will be able to claim most benefits as a single parent. Your best housing options depend on if you rent or own. Go see women’s aid or citizens advice or similar and get good advice as soon as possible.

DH and I have separate bank accounts but if we were in this situation we would support each other. He is a dickhead

You are contributing a significant amount of money into your household pot from benefits , probably a lot more than many part time workers.
I think it can be a problem though when couples have been used to having separate finances ( me and dh do ) and then things change.
He really needs to step up and support you though.

What you’re in isn’t a marriage, he’s a controlling idiot.
why are you with him and are your health and financial situations really the first sign of his disgusting behaviour?

I think your H attitude to finances right now is not acceptable, but also your "never work again" attitude in your 30s is also unacceptable and unsustainable. You may well need a different job, different hours, different working conditions and your H support to make this change happen, but I can understand your H frustration if you have already resigned yourself to never working again.

The op said he pays his share of the bills not the bills

I would divorce him.

@Playingvideogames Hold up he pays his share of the bills not all the bills.

Impossible to comment, how much are bills and mortgage or rent? Do you need to downsize? If you split, what does that look like?

She then says she is so much better since being off work and now she doesn't want to go back to work.

So stopping work she feels better. Could she work at all - or could she make adjustments and work? No idea. Not enough info from the OP. Plenty of assumptions though from both sides.

She doesn't say whether she earned more or less than her husband when she was working - but most have assumed it's less than her husband.

What is common to all arguments is that the communication between the OP and her husband isn't working.

The benefits system is right not to pay out more money in these circumstances. Everyone would claim their spouse won’t pay for their own household otherwise.

The problem is clearly a tight arise husband, not a system that gives you nearly £1000 a month in recognition of your disability when you live with a partner.

No he pays his “half” of the bills, big difference between paying all the bills.
She 500 quid in deficit so how is it unfair for him to pay more when he has surplus money?

If he thinks you should work, does he not believe you are unable to?
Is there no way you can work?

Alternatively, ditch the bloke.