I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

Stop contributing to the bills let your husband pay for it....you can contribute by paying for meals etc...what kind of man let's his wife who is disabled get in debts

Most of the awful men I read about here expect their wives/partners to be unpaid cook-housekeepers, secretaries and sex dolls. Yours goes the extra mile in demanding you work while disabled. Even before you fell ill, your financial set-up sounds utterly unfair to you. He sounds horrible. You would be better off in all ways without him.

You could at least try and read the OP's posts before making such a remark. Even her FIRST post said she is disabled and unable to work.

You've just embarrassed yourself with that comment.

Good grief. Just when I thought this thread couldn't get any worse.

This is abuse.
Stop thinking about it and contact all the domestic abuse charities in your area.
You need to end this marriage now.
You need help now.

What is your housing situation.

Clearly the situation has changed, you are not able to afford paying the bills, switch it to his name and let him sort it out.

She says she is disabled and doesn’t want to work because it makes pain easier

there are many disabled people working through pain, getting adjustments, taking pride that they are self supporting.

i am not happy supporting people - paying taxes - who could work but won’t because it feels easier not to and bluntly speaking - we have many people with mental and physical issues that they are using as an excuse not to work which we can see as we have far more disabled than most other equivalent countries.

she wasn’t medically retired / she was given support for a year to find something appropriate- suggests that the medical profession also think she can work - now o know jobs are hard to come by but she has just not bothered and now wants to find a way to support her lifestyle

but it’s worse than that - giving up , shrinking your life at such a young age is such a waste

You shouldn't be in debt while your husband has savings. I cannot get my head around it, still, I've seen a few of such posts here. I cannot believe how some women are taken advantage of.

I’m sorry this ist a benefits issue this is a husband issue. It is exceptionally cruel that he won’t support you as you are unwell/disabled.
Marriage vows - have you asked him about those? He should be supporting you.

As OP said: I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working…. I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

He’s her husband. Why should he not support her?

Does he care about you at all?

This is not a benefit problem but a husband problem. I’m guessing you’re in your thirties in you have thirty years of work life left. On that basis, your DC must be quite young.

I agree you’re being financially abused, I also think this is your life now if you don’t get out soon. Have you considered whether he would care for you if you get more disabled?

Let’s see how much money he has left to himself when he’s paying for his own place in full and maintenance for the kids. What a bastard.

A husband not sharing his income with his wife is diabolical. Separate just for this reason alone. He should be highly embarrassed of himself that you have to borrow from your mum to get by when he has money that should be used for the household.

A bonus from this separation is that you’ll be financially better-off.

How dare he! What a dick!

I got divorced recently.

as I am disabled (use a wheelchair) this was taken into account in the divorce.

the starting point is 50:50 but if one partner is seriously disabled then although the needs of the children must be met then if one partner can work and the other cannot it won’t be a 50:50 split.

op I understand how you feel. My then H really struggled to accept my accident which left me unable to walk. He spent years encouraging me to try this thing and that thing and totally refusing to accept it, all “next year we’ll walk the Pennine way” shit.

i did physio and I had drugs and I had operations - and I can walk about ten steps now.

some people will refuse to see reality even if it is in front of their face.

the pip assessment and the esa assessment are basically the same. Same form same questions. If you get pip you’ll get not fit for work on esa. I have both.

i’d suggest sitting down with your husband and saying that in this difficult time blah blah you suggest that he takes over the bills and you pay what you can as contribution.

otherwise I’d contact the water company/electric etc and say that you can’t pay.

Where on earth did you read this? That she doesn't WANT to work. You're seeing what you want to see because you resent people who cannot work, because YOU are allegedy having to pay for them.

OP said

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working.

AND

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

There is nothing about her not being arsed to work, because it makes pain easier.

You're continuing to embarrass yourself with your posts. Clearly you're angry, but taking it out on the OP who is disabled, in great pain most days, and being financially abused by her husband, is reprehensible.

Give your head a wobble!

So he pays all bills? Or you contribute?

you live in a household - it’s household income

Get divorced and take half of what your husband clearly considers “his”

She is waiting for the medical assessment to see if she is capable of work or not.

bit early to be prejudging it no?

He pays his side of the bills.

You will be better of emotionally and financially if you divorce him
I'm not sure why you are with him he is abusive

#Playingvideogames Op states he pays his half of the bills, not all. A couple of people on this thread have missed this.

Your disability is long term right? how does he expect you to work then?

Yes think you would need to clarify more details.

Don't divorce, sounds like the solution but trust me it isn't. Talk to him and reduce your outgoings. This situation won't be forever.

I would read this as he only wants you for your pay check.

Tell him you will go halves with the “big” purchases if he will go halves with the day to day stuff.
So he pays for a washing machine, dishwasher, fridge, freezer etc every 10 years or so. If each of these costs around £500 that works out at under 14p per day per item. Even if he spent £10,000 replacing the roof on your house in 10 years time that is still only £2.74 per day.
So for £10,000 of repairs and replacing 6 appliances every 10 years that is £3.58 per day.

I doubt this even covers the cost of school lunches, never mind ECAs, uniform, shoes, clothing, books, toys etc

For your children’s sake divorce.
What happens when they get to university and they are penalised because their father should be stepping up to help them because he is in a good job and is expected to cough up some funds to help them though uni
But instead he keeps the money and they can’t access the funds to help them with uni because their father is a well paid financially abusive prick.