Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

I wouldn't get married either. I am currently happily married to my dh, who is the father to our children. If we divorced I would never remarry as I would want my estate to go to my dc. I just wouldn't risk it. Nor could I be bothered with the faff to be honest.

I'm in a similar position. OH hasn't much to show for a working lifetime whereas I own my own house and have a good pension.
That's why I won't get married.

Prenuptial agreement, any further property purchases as tenants in common and a will written by a good solicitor are all you can do, but it's no guarantee.

the trouble is that even as an only child, he is not guaranteed the inheritance. There are multiple things which could reduce his inheritance to zero - some of whicvh could be regarded as the same for your assets.

The obvious being that one dies, everything passes to the other, and then they either need care - depleting all inheritance to nothing - or they remarry and the inheritance your partner has banked on is passed to the new spouse. Or they decide to just spend it all up before then, getting equity release and living out their last days on the high life - or simply surviving because things got mighty expensive.

we have had examples of all these scenarios amongst friends and family and its not pretty when the kids had been told 'all this will be yours' and built plans around it.

So your partner has a promise of MAYBE money. You have actual cold hard cash. Plus you each have your own children to think about and wish to provide for.

Id stay single personally because the added complication of your own kids also complicates it all.

My grandmother refused to marry her partner of 25 yearts for much the same reasons - she had a good pension from her first husband, and owned a little house outright. She wanted to keep her financial independancer, and wanted to ensure anything left went to my mum. That was in the 1980s. She was a wise bird.He was not wildly impressed, but there was no shifting her. I think she said take it or leave it.

@Longanddrawnout bit that is the problem marriage isn’t romantic at all it is a legally binding contract that bestows certain rights and actually his romantic notion where you are death do us part - what happens if you die first.

Deciding to get married really is about whether you want to have the benefits that a marriage brings you - I was very clear I wasn’t going to have children without the marriage. I am also very clear that having had children if anything were to happen to DH or our marriage broke down I would never get married again.

because I no longer want the things marriage bestows anything now goes to my children and I know DH feels the same

by means sort out the hits that make sense and leave the rest

Interesting seeing how views change over the years. Mid life it’s all about the kids. When you are elderly and your son lives in Australia rarely gets in touch and and is wealthier than you - then it becomes about ensuring that your spouse that cares for you and loves you day to day is prioritised.

I disagree with this. The adult children are already living their own lives, or will likely be doing so in the near future. So the new, blended family won't be a family in the same way that it would if there were young kids involved. I don't know what age the DP's DC is, but why should OP dilute her daughter's inheritance of her hard-earned assets by sharing them with someone else's kids, who in reality, she will probably never even know that well?

Write a will whether you are married or not. DO NOT get married in your circumstances- there is no upside for you (and potentially a huge upside for him). If he is a nice bloke he will be happy with some sort of commitment ceremony if he wants to publicly proclaim his love/you want a party. I repeat DO NOT GET MARRIED.

Get a pre nup done
and get wills written taking into account your forthcoming marriage and the prenup
and then ratify the wills after marriage

it CAN be done for not very much (under £5k)

Marriage is a joining of assets, finances and lives. You don’t want to join your assets or finances, therefore you should not get married.

My in laws pushed me and DH into a prenup, but even they’re not water tight in the Uk. And even in that I got 30% of the house and 50% of everything else.

The last paragraph of this message is not correct in all circumstances. Someone who is financially dependent on you to some extent when you die, can bring a claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 for a portion of your estate, if you have overlooked them in your will and they can show that they had a reasonable expectation you would provide for them (because you were doing so before you died).

So, if for example your husband lives with you in a house you pay for, then he may have a reasonable expectation of being housed.

That claim could exist whether or not you’re married, but if you are by far the higher earner, and don’t want your partner to inherit anything, why would you get married anyway?

TBH my friend who got a prenup was MUCH less worried about what happened after her death
where the Will clauses would kick in
than what might happen if she became incapacitated (dementia or the like)
when her spouse would have access to all of her funds and assets.

The Prenup locked certain assets out of his control for ever
and made life much less stressful all round

Ah ok. Thank you for clarifying. You know more about it than I do! X

Why not suggest you wait until your DD is established in life? Ie through further education, in a career and perhaps help given with house deposit.

Then you get married, after a long engagement to show commitment (not that I personally believe in engagements but many do).

If you marry him he will become your dependant, in fact he may become that without being married. As a dependant he will have a claim on your estate and can challenge any will that does not adequately provide for him.

This is the law for most relationships but a spouse doesn’t even have to be financially dependant - instead it is whether there is ‘reasonable financial provision’, where the courts generally interpret ‘reasonable’ as the amount the surviving spouse would have got on divorce.

Since the test is reasonableness not need, spousal claims are a lot easier to prove.

As a spouse, he doesn’t need to be dependant - the test is whether the amount left to him is reasonable. The courts generally interpret ‘reasonable’ as the amount the survivor would have got in a divorce.

If they are unmarried, it’s the dependant / need test. As an example, in a recent case, after living with her partner for 42 years, Joan Thompson brought a claim and of a 1.5 million pound estate, she was awarded roughly £400,000.

The heirs in the will got the rest.

Is he religious?

In the 20th century there’s no reason to get married. Is it the fact he can say “ I’m married”

from personal experience (divorced)
now with a dp for 22 yrs ,
neither of us are bothered about marriage and were late 60’s & early 70’s
both have wills and POA
my half of the house is in trust fir my ds
he has signed his over to me , then ds if I’m gone
he lives in the house till end of life

My DH is forever moaning that his dad re-married and everything will go to his new family.

However, my DH conveninently forgets that his new family have always looked and continue to look after his dad very well.

He is 90, still living in his own home (faciliated by his wife and her family), gets to all his medical appointments on time etc. As a single man he would have probably been in a nursing home a long time ago, all inheritance gone.

If your partner is as brilliant as you describe him, and marriage is important to him, in your shoes I would consider getting married just to have the security of another human being company in old age. Your daughter might get married and have children and you will no necessarily get along with you son-in-law.

You have done enough for your daughter. You have given her a good start in life and she will get some inheritance if you make a will upon marriage.

If you make a fair will, it is unlikely it will be contested (this is my understanding).

I wouldn't marry

Yrs, they are. A friend married like that and still had to go through a UK divorce. 🙄

I'm sure even if you left everything to your daughter as your husband he could contest it and get 50%.

You talk as if money is the only benefit, or asset to bring to a marriage.
Marriage is sharing, good and bad.

Presumably your daughter will look after you should you need care in future, not your husband?

If he wants to marry and its a path you are open to, then put a prenup in place, so in the event of divorce you both walk away with what you put in. If he has a problem he's not in it for you.
As to assets on death your 'will' everything to your daughter, although you may want a rider that allows him to remain living in your house until either he dies or he finds another woman i.e. he can't marry or cohabit. If he does then your daughter can turf him out.
Whatever be careful, I've seen the children of friends get screwed over by the 'step-parent' when their blood parent died. I know one woman whose become very wealthy outliving 2 husbands (who had kids) and getting everything on the death of each of her partners (natural causes), whilst the children have walked away with nothing / next to nothing. She's now engaged to her 3rd partner, (although he's much younger, so shoe may be on the other foot).

If he hasn’t contributed at all to the mortgage, you could do a pre-nup agreement to agree that you both keep your own assets in the event of a divorce. In the event of death, I think the will is sufficient
www.divorcewithoutlawyers.co.uk/blog/why-prenuptial-agreements-can-strengthen-relationships/