Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

From personal experience the Inheritance Act 1975 would find in favour of your husband. My mother tried to leave her assets to us but a large proportion went to my step father. There were good reasons for excluding him from the Will.

I would be very wary. But I’m going though a divorce with an a alcoholic and don’t went my hard earned money being pissed up the wall plus we had a young daughter so taking money away from her

I know that I will never marry again due to this divorce

Why is he so desperate to marry

did he marry the mother of his child

I’m sorry that happened. Why did he get anything - did he contest the will in court or something?

My mother left her estate to us and none of it went to my stepfather. Which he knew in advance, and had he died first his estate would have gone to his children too.

My father and step-mother have the same arrangement - each leaves their estate to their own children in their will.

I thought it was quite a normal set-up in second marriages and have been surprised by all the advice to OP that she shouldn’t get married if she wants her daughter to inherit.

Oh yes they are legally valid in the UK, providing they in compliant with Nevada law.

Can he sign a pre-nup agreement ?

Take legal advice and draw up a will after you have married if you are happy to
there are some things you can do that affect where your money goes
pension nominate a beneficiary
house purchase as tenant in common not joint ownership
make will after marriage as void if before marriage.
bottom line take legal advice

I’ve seen it play out so many times .. wife does first .. husband remarried and then his wife and her children inherit everything. Most men are ambivalent about marriage .. I wonder how romantic he would be if the financial situations were reversed. The only divorced men I see rushing down the aisle are to marry richer women. Sorry I’m sure he’s lovely but in your situation I wouldn’t marry .. given there will be no joint children I see no logical reason to put your financial security on the line. Whatever about dying first .. you divorce and he gets half of everything and prenups are not legally binding in the uk no matter anyone says

Do not get married. Marriage is a legal process with financial implications. That's why it was invented in the first place. It has nothing to do with romantic love at all. It means that all that you have also belongs to someone else when you marry and that someone else is not your DD. In your circumstance, with you having worked hard to earn a good wage and buy a house with the intention of leaving it all to your DD and your prospective husband having none of those things, your dream of ensuring your DD has an easier life will probably not be realised. Why can't you just live together?

This only works if both parties have fairly equal amounts of money. Which the OP says she and her DP don’t.

The basic test the court applies to spouses is ‘what would the surviving spouse have got on divorce’

If Sue and Bob Smith both have equal amounts, it’s a short marriage and they can both live comfortably on their own money, a claim under the Inheritance Act would fail because a divorce would give them what they entered the marriage with.

If either Sue or Bob has substantially less than their deceased spouse or is going to be homeless or they’ve been together 40 years (or other factors that would be considered on divorce), he/she will probably get a big chunk of the estate.

Claims under the Inheritance Act by a spouse don’t usually end up in court - they are generally such an easy case to win for the spouse that the beneficiaries are advised to settle (and avoid the astronomical court fees that will be awarded against them).

If your step mother has substantially less money / fewer assets than your father / will be slung out of the long term matrimonial home / has been married to your father for decades, the will you refer to may well be set aside if she challenges it.

In the OP’s case, she has most of the money and she’s fairly young (so in a best case scenario may have been married for 40+ years by the time a will is relevant). There is no way the courts wouldn’t give him a huge chunk of her estate. I doubt it would get to court - her daughter’s lawyers would advise her she had no chance of winning and to settle.

Exactly candid. There is no way a decent solicitor would draft a will making no provision for a spouse without a clear explanation to the client that there’s a strong chance of a claim and probably a letter of wishes setting out why. That is why my above comment that a will becomes a divorce settlement as we work with client to give the spouse what we think is broadly reasonable so they won’t claim. Hence the advice to not even get married.

So admit I am pretty surprised to see pp have left spouses out - except as you say if all have their own assets and agree not to make a claim. Not that the agreement is legally binding they could claim anyway.

Also, even if the surviving spouse agreed not to claim, if I had an elderly relative who’d been left homeless and penniless by his / her wealthy deceased spouse, I’d be doing my best to persuade them to do so.

It’s concerning how many people think they’ve secured their estate for their children just by writing a will that cuts out their spouse. I do wonder how many of said wills were actually drafted by a solicitor - because as you say, @TheaBrandt1 , that’s bordering on negligence if the implications (and the fact that in a lot of cases you can’t do that) haven’t been explained.

Edited to say: Or drafted by a legal executive or really anyone with actual will writing qualifications.

I think the “free will” nonsense doesn’t help. Of course any fool can download a will. You are paying for the advice. Solicitors who are not trained and practising in this area do not write their own wills. Make of that what you will.

So much naivety about Wills in general.

The OP is 36 years old.

She has been with her DP 4 years.

Why would a Will she writes now, to cover the circumstances should tragedy strike within the next 5 years (to include guardianship of her 16 yo Dd, provision for her Dd through Uni etc) be expected to be fit for purpose when she is 85? At which point it would be unthinkable to oust her then 91 year old DP of 50 years partnership from his home.

Wills need to be written for the worst case scenario within current life stage, and reviewed and updated as needed. IMO.

Yes it was contested and we were close to going to court but our barrister advised it would likely all go to him, as opposed a share. At this point legal fees were already about £10K so we settled. He had no other assets/ house as he had gambled it all away! Hence my mum's Will.

Who drafted the will? Because anyone with any legal training should have known you can’t disinherit a penniless, homeless spouse whether or not he is responsible for his own financial position.

Your DM should have been advised to divorce him to finalise her losses. If she’d done that years before her death she could have possibly re-built her financial position. As it was, it sounds like she got the worst of both worlds - financially supporting him her whole life then losing a lot of her estate to him when that really wasn’t what she wanted.

I would get professional advice maybe a family trust for you and your daughter and the trust owned your property is a better idea.

It makes sense you both want him provided for and your daughter looked after after your death. I can imagine if you marry and your money / assets passed to him … in theory your assets that passed to him could pass to his son and bypass your daughter.

my parents lent my single-mother sister some money to buy a house, we realised without this being formalised as a loan, my sister’s assets and, therefore my parents money, would go to her daughter (my niece) who was very young and therefore my nieces dad (who was estranged from my sister) would become responsible for managing the money.

Thank you, that’s such a helpful explanation.

Thank you. How horrible for you all.

I bet he does but you know it is at least 50% likely to end in divorce and therefore it is a lose lose.

You probably have more then you realise and it is YOURS you earnt it. Why should he benefit? I bet he wants to get married. Would he still want to marry you if you transfer the house into your daughters name with you having a right to live in it whilst alive but he can only live there whilst you are married or alive??
where is his house and asset? In the 4 years living with you has he been paying market rent and bills and extra or is he getting a good deal - how much has he saved?

Why don’t you suggest gifting your daughter everything and you match him in terms of earning and assets going into any marriage etc and you rent somewhere together? Or your daughter rents your house back to you?

At 40 what are his savings and assets or is he EXPECTING to inherit? And therefore that to me is a complete turn off - he wants someone else’s money and not earn his own

Your post is screaming 🚩 this man isn’t proactive about his career, or assets because he wants them for nothing on a plate.

I'm in the same situation OP, been in a relationship for over 20 years with a lovely man who has no assets, self employed and wont inherit. He wants to marry but I absolutely won't. I divorced 15 years ago and struggled ti get where I am now, owning my own property, decent job etc.

My DP did have fairly substantial equity in a shared property when he was with his ex partner but he gave her all the equity as she refused to buy him out. He said he was giving his share to his kids but I later found out he transferred it to his ex, save for a 5k pay off. He couldn't be bothered with the legal hassle of fighting her.

There is no way on God's earth i'd marry and let anyone other than my kids have a share of what i've built.

If he is living with you married or unmarried be very careful if you die he can claim you were supporting him and take your children to court giving them hassle and costing them money at a time grief is at maximum. He can claim he paid bills and has a claim on it. Be better for him to sign an agreement that he understands he is out.

Just to note, while not marrying means a DP will get less (the test is whether he was a dependant and the award is based on need not reasonableness), after a long live in relationship, they may well have a claim if they were financially dependant (as in the Joan Thompson case).

If a penniless boyfriend lives with you, he may well have a claim on your house on death on the basis you were funding his housing.

Something to bear in mind.

For the avoidance of all doubt, there is no ‘get on death what you would on splitting’ rule for unmarried partners so just because you’ve got legal advice he’s got no claim on the house if you split, that legal advice does not necessarily carry through on death.

Im not supporting him, there is plenty of documented evidence that he is self sufficient. We get on, he is lovely, just not great with earning money unfortunately. I charge him a share of the bills but quite a low amount. I am due to Inherit some money in the next 12 to 18 months, I may have to get something drawn up in writing that he is aware he wont be provided for, if he isnt happy with that then our positions may change somewhat. I doubt he would execute a claim, he absolutely hates that sort of legal conflict. Highly unlikely but you never know.

Prenup for marriage. Robust will for death.