Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

I live in New Zealand and just lately courts have been overturning traditionally safe shelters such as trusts and prenuptial agreements. Think it is due to the increase of subsequent marriages and relationships.

Do not get married!

Speak to a solicitor. I believe you can ring-fence assets to ensure they do not automatically go to your spouse in the event of your death.

You should then be free to marry with your DD left everything you choose to leave her.

Do you plan on having any children together @Longanddrawnout ?

If no-one else has pointed it out then it's important that you are clear that these contributions he makes are towards bills, food, etc and NOT for "rent" or towards the actual living costs of your mortgage. If he can claim he's been contributing to the mortgage or running costs of the house (such as money towards fixing the roof for example) then he might have a case to claim a beneficial interest in the property.

Every time a woman comes on here and her partner hasn't married her she's told she's ridiculous and should get married to protect herself. Yet when it's the other way round men are in the wrong and only after money
You can leave your money to whoever you want as long as you make a will after marriage. If you don't want to get married then tell him but if it's just the money then that's easily solved.

@SweetnsourNZ Very sorry to hear about your husband ❤️

OP, I'm in a similar situation to you and I have decided not to get married. DP and I own our house as Tenants in Common, with my share of the property reflecting what I contributed to the purchase price (significantly more than him). We drew up a contract/agreement with a solicitor during the house purchasing process While he will have a lifetime right to live in the house, I want my financial share (and other assets) to go to my kids and not to be divided up amongst his kids too.

Thank you.
Your idea of tenants in common sounds excellent for a 2nd marriage/relationship. Think that's one of the main reasons they were invented. Just be sure to follow it up with a well written will.

There is a really important distinction here in that the situation is different on death and divorce. You can make a will to deal with death (though after marriage, as marriage revokes a will) but in the event of divorce he is likely to be entitled to something. It would be worth looking at a pre-nup,though they aren’t legally waterproof (they are persuasive).
If you genuinely want everything to go to your daughter then not marrying would be best.

Only in the case of divorce, not after death. Everyone saying a spouse has to be provided for as if divorced after death is wrong (for England)

This is really not correct - claims under the Act are very difficult.

Generally advice to women with more wealth than their partners is not to marry. If you do marry be upfront that you will be leaving everything to your daughter but that he should make the most of being less financially constrained by his good fortune of being with you to build up his own wealth for his own future.

Discussing finances can be a bit of a downer but it’s not a reason not to do it.

Thank you all so much for the advice.

To answer a few questions, I don’t have millions in the bank, just my house, good pension, death in service (although I have nominated my daughter to receive my death in service through work, not sure how binding that is after marriage I would have to check as that is currently 6 figures), and 5 figures in savings from my own inheritance and savings etc.

We are not having any children together.

In the event I couldn’t work, he would try to support us, but it would be very very tight and would likely mean I would have to use my savings (I suppose what they are there for) and eventually sell the house if it got that bad.

I agree inheritance is not a given and I absolutely would not want or need his money should he get any.

I have spoken to him about it and he does get that I want to protect my DD but he also has a bit of a romantic view that we would never get divorced and we will die very very old people and none of this will matter.

They are not difficult for a spouse. The starting point is you would get broadly what you would have got in a divorce. Sometimes a will essentially becomes a divorce settlement.

It is perfectly possible to draft a proper will fulfilling your responsibilities to spouse whilst ensuring dd inherits eventuality. The marriage can be to everyone’s advantage as you then have an extra iht spousal exemption.

Smart couples marry give survivor a life interest to get the allowance then survivor used as tax shelter to pass assets to child during their lifetime to reduce iht on second death. If survivor gifts to child and lives 7 years you’ve avoided iht. You need to see a proper solicitor / will writer.

If you don’t want to throw in your lot with each other (and I understand why not) then you’re not totally ‘in’ the relationship in the same way your partner is. Also fine and nothing wrong with that.

But you should absolutely talk to take marriage off the table and be upfront that you are happy with the relationship as it is and you don’t want to make it any more committed than now. That is absolutely OK

I’d say preferable to marrying because your partner wants it but putting in loads of caveats into it. Honestly living with protected arrangements to treat your adult children differently while saying yhat you’re married and now all a family, does not lead to happiness for children or parents, those reservations and holding back will grate over time especially if your future husband for some reason is only able to leave a much smaller amount to his kids.

It is not true to say a spouse is entitled to the equivalent of a divorce settlement on the death of their husband/wife in England. In addition no one can dictate in a will what the beneficiary must do with “their” money/assets after death. The beneficiary can leave it to the cats home if they wish. This is why blended families are difficult, when each parent wants to benefit their own children. There are ways that this can be done but needs professional input.

Yes they are.

They are not entitled but if you leave out a spouse there is a potential claim and the judge will tic what they would have got on divorce.

If a spouse is not provided for adequately in a will and makes an Inheritance Act claim, the courts will award them broadly what they would have got in a divorce settlement.

OP you are getting horrible advice here. If you marry and die your spouse will get some of your assets, in England 322 000 pounds to be precise. Anything above that will go to your DD.

If you divorce, your marital assets will be divided between you, meaning that the richer person will lose out.

If your main concern is that your DD would lose out in case you died, you def. should not marry. I would also seek out proper legal advice from a solicitor who can explain these things to you. Another, handy place to get free advice is the Reddit subreddit "legaladviceUK"
https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/

Op there are about 3 people on this thread who know what they are talking about the rest are talking “little knowledge is a dangerous thing” nonsense. Sets out perfectly why you need to take your own specialised legal advice.

It’s all romantic until it isn’t. You don’t know someone until you split and unfortunately it happens - a lot.
I have been stung having worked really hard for my own house. I personally think misogyny in courts is rife should the worst happen.
Just don’t risk it particularly now you have openly asked the question because if the worst does happen, you’ll kick yourself.
just be engaged not to be married…that’s enough surely?

This is not true. What you are describing is what a spouse gets in England on intestacy (if there is no will).

If there is a will, you can leave a spouse as much or as little as you like.

However, as a PP says, the Inheritance Act then says a spouse (or anyone else maintained by the deceased) can make a claim against the estate. There is a lot of case law that says a spouse who makes a claim on death will get the same as they would get on divorce. This means if the surviving spouse is rich, they get nothing. If the surviving spouse is not well off, as in this case, they will get a lot - possibly more than 50% if it’s a long marriage and the court think that’s appropriate.

This. It doesn’t even have to be expensive. This is bog standard high street solicitor level law.

I do find it alarming how many people have got it wrong in one short thread, though. I get people not knowing but the number of people who are confidently completely wrong and prepared to advise the OP to make significant financial decisions accordingly is shocking.

Not for a spouse, they aren’t. They are difficult for (for example) adult children but for a spouse, it’s very straightforward and the courts have a lot of case law to follow.

Also, if the OP’s daughter takes it to court and loses, all the costs are likely to be ordered to come out of her share.