Not eligible for benefits but struggling, what do we do?

[Nomoneyleft9743]

This is a lesson to always live well within your means.
My husband has had a good career for 15 years in senior management travelling across the world etc. His pay was enough to enable me to be a sahm raising our children and we bought a large home . We lived comfortably and could save a bit but not a huge amount (1st mistake)
Unfortunately my husband became very poorly and has been off work for 5 years now. He is still employed by the company but wont be going back anytime soon. They have been amazing and luckily for us they had group payment protection insurance so they were able to continue paying him 50% of his wage.
This was not enough for us to live on due to our large bills . We have never been frivolous, buy our clothes off vinted, no cars on finance etc. We reduced all unnecessary bills down . No holidays etc
I went back to work but due to me being off so long I could only get a minimum wage job. This has seen us through just about ok.
Now on top of everything else I have become disabled and cant work myself .I've had to leave. I am eligible and I am claiming high rate pip . This isn't even half of my previous wage.
We have 2 teenage children who need a lot of things paying for. Over the 5 years we have depleted our savings down to nothing and are now struggling . Our only option is to downsize our home but that cant happen overnight, due to the lengthy selling process.
We are not eligible for universal credit as earn over the threshold. I've got two kids at high school who want school dinners like their friends. That alone is £200 a month (£5 a day) and I can't pay it . I can hardly afford to buy us food . Is there any help for people in our situation?

Well for a start, tough luck on the school dinners, you can't afford it. That's £150 a month saved straight up.

Does your husband not qualify for PIP? Surely if he has been too unwell to work for 5 years he must be quite severely impacted by his illness.

How large is your home? Is it large enough to take in a lodger perhaps? Obviously that isn't ideal but it would be something extra if you can make the space.

Does your husband claim Carers Allowance for you? That would bring in an additional £330 a month, ish. Between that and cutting school dinners you'd be up nearly £500 every month.

Can you list your income and all outgoings, then we can see where you can maybe save. Most of my friends DC only have school dinners maybe once a week

£5 a day each for dinners? I’d stop that straight away. They can bring a sandwich and a snack from home. Or have them once a week. My son gets £3 a day for dinners because he brings his drink and snack from home. Can your husband claim pip?

What is your income vs outgoings? Maybe we can help figure out costs.

Sorry to hear things are difficult. What age are your teens? I think sometimes people on here can give more advice if you can provide details of what your income is and outgoings, to see if there are obvious areas to tackle. Are you claiming for everything you are entitled to, and have you double checked this?

Do you have a decent spare room (you mention it is a large house). Could you rent a room out? There is a rent a room scheme in the UK, and you can earn (from memory) around £7k a year tax free - but you would need to look into this, and see if it might be viable in your area.

Have you considered claiming new style ESA if you have enough national insurance contributions? It doesn’t take into account your husband’s income.

Can the teens get a Saturday job if they're old enough and if they want to spend their earnings on school dinners with friends, they can fund it themselves?

Can you apply for a Mortgage holiday for a few months whilst you put the house on the market? It’s sad to have to sell up but it’s what I have often thought about if things got tough for us.

Pack in the school dinners, as they are costing too much. The children can take in a packed lunch, so much cheaper. Are they old enough to get a Saturday job,etc?

You mentioned pip for yourself. Surely if your husband has been off for 5 years, he can claim too?

💐 this sounds hard and a shit situation

turn2us would be my first port of call.

The challenge is this has been coming for a long time and you sound like understandably buried your heads a bit and you havent take action early enough at a few different junctures.

The mistake you dont want to make is to continue these half measures.When you downsize you need a clear sustainable budget that yoou stick tois to start spending any of equity at an unsustainable rate.

MSE is a good start point.

Separately you need to be clear with the children - its hard but no one in the house is working so money tight. You cant even entertain things like school dinners.

A lodger may also be another option - depending on where you are ypu can earn a good chunk and its (mostly or totally) tax free!

As for the kids wanting what their schoolmates get:
In my opinion, if the kids are teens they're old enough to work for their own pocket money.
I started working when I was 12 (and kept my grades all in the top of the classes, and did volunteer work and did chores around the houses for NO allowance because the family budget was tight, hence why I was working).

As for your larger family issues, a pp had suggested you share your family income/expenditures (or at least the expenses) to get advice how to shave them...

Have you applied for everything your both entitled to? Maybe try entitled to or speak to citizens advice to double check.
When I became ill I applied for ill health retirement so get my pension (not easy and lots of jumping hoops but worth looking into if either of you have pensions and are never going to be able to return to work).
I claim esa for my national insurance contributions (but get a reduced amount due to pension) even if you dont get any money its good to get the contributions.
I sold my car to reduce the costs and have a free bus pass.
Can you claim child benefit?
I'm a single parent and my dc understand they cant have everything (mine get free school meals now but when i first stopped working I swapped them to packed lunches).
Do you have mortgage protection (mine payed my mortgage for a year which helped).?
Grants may help in the short term, I was in a professional job which has a specific union who payed for a wheelchair and 3 months bills.
I know of someone who's had support through a specific charity linked to there illness so that might be an avenue to look at (if you feel happy to you could say here and someone may no a charity that supports) or look at charitieslinked ro your previous professions.
I know its hard but you have to look at this with your head and methodically go through your expenses.
Are your outgoings high (because if your not entitled to uc when disabled and have dc you must still be bringing in a fair amount?) Budget well.
Be realistic.
Meal plan everything. Buy in bulk. Eat cheaper foods.
Get moving with downsizing if thats needed because as you say its not a quick fix.
Be honest with dc.
I'm sure if you put a budget on here people will give you ideas.

Bills:
See how much you are paying energy suppliers and see if its prudent to switch providers. 🔥
Turn every appliance off by the wall, except for the fridge and an alarm clock.
Just having items like the TV and kettle on standby uses electricity.⚡️
Also lower the amount of times the heating is on. My brothers would walk around in their boxers and a top in winter time with the radiators on 🤦‍♀️
My dad put his foot down, made them wear more clothing on top (socks and slippers and dressing down in the house) and reduced the times that the heating went on drastically, which saved a small fortune 🤓

School:
Stop paying school dinners except for maybe one day a week (Friday perhaps?) As a treat. 😋
If kids play up or get upset, they can get a Saturday job or newspaper round/ babysit if they can and contribute. 🗞

House:
If you can rent out a room (lodger perhaps) to bring in extra cash, that maybe an option. My cousin did this and it helped. 💰
Or else maybe downsize and get your house on the market (and as another poster said, request a mortgage holiday) 🏠

Benefits:
Have a look and see what help you're entitled to. I think another poster mentioned carers allowance? Have a look at your options and see what is out there (possibly talk to C.A.B). 🤔

Budget:
Write down ALL your incoming Vs outgoings and see what you can cull. Either jot it down on paper, use a spreadsheet, or get an app.
Fudget app is a great free financial app for your phone, and you can type in and see all your finances in black and white, so you can decide what stuff you need to cut back on! 📱
Does anyone need all the subscriptions? For instance, if you have Sky, Now TV, Netflix, Prime and Disney subscriptions, cull and keep one or two at most. The teens may complain, but youtube is free, and they can always watch BBC player or channel 4 or 5 app for other stuff. 📺

Wishing you the best of luck 🫂
@Nomoneyleft9743

Income: £2500 month

Outgoings:
Mortgage £1200
Council tax £211
Energy £200
House insurance £20
Car insurance for both £80
Phones x 4 £80
School dinners £200
Food £600
School bus and laptop rental £100
Fuel £100
Water £40

Just these alone come to more than our incoming. That's without Xmas, birthdays, clothes, having any kind of a life, pocket money, car maintenance, house maintenance etc. Its just not doable . We are putting the house on the market.
The reason its gone on so long is that we never thought in a million years it would. We never thought it would happen to either of us.

The single biggest thing that would improve your life would be to downsize your house and release the equity. Your outgoings would drop too. I've downsized and honestly, the relief financially and in terms of housework, maintenance and heating bills is totally freeing.

Why is your husband not claiming PIP?

Why are you paying for the school bus? If it's walking distance make them walk. If it's not walking distance they might get free transport, assuming it's your closest school.

Do you really need 2 cars if neither of you are working? One could go, which would save on insurance and tax.

But yeah, you need do downsize urgently if you can't find a way to bring in more money. Is taking in a lodger and remaining there not a possibility?

In the short term, can you drop to interest only on your mortgage?

The school dinners have to go - you can’t afford them.

Do you need 2 cars? Getting rid of one might save a bit and give you a bit extra money from whichever is sold.

Nobody ever thinks it will happen to them. Yes, you could have made wiser decisions in the past, but you didn't, and you can't change that now. You are where you are.

A few questions. Can you renegotiate the mortgage to reduce your monthly payments while you are trying to downsize? If neither of you are working, do you need two cars? Can you eat differently to cut down your food costs?

I would definitely get rid of one car. That will get you some cash and save on outgoings.

could you shop around for better phone deals?

get rid of school dinners and school bus

Get rid of at least one car. Why isn’t husband claiming PIP?

You might be entitled to UC actually.

You definitely don't need to have two cars, nor do you have to spend 800 a month on food. You can probably save about 300 on those two alone if you just get rid of one car and shop and cook more wisely. You are time rich after all. Is the school bus essential?