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Original poster

Not eligible for benefits but struggling, what do we do?

242 replies

Nomoneyleft9743 · 04/12/2025 08:57

This is a lesson to always live well within your means.
My husband has had a good career for 15 years in senior management travelling across the world etc. His pay was enough to enable me to be a sahm raising our children and we bought a large home . We lived comfortably and could save a bit but not a huge amount (1st mistake)
Unfortunately my husband became very poorly and has been off work for 5 years now. He is still employed by the company but wont be going back anytime soon. They have been amazing and luckily for us they had group payment protection insurance so they were able to continue paying him 50% of his wage.
This was not enough for us to live on due to our large bills . We have never been frivolous, buy our clothes off vinted, no cars on finance etc. We reduced all unnecessary bills down . No holidays etc
I went back to work but due to me being off so long I could only get a minimum wage job. This has seen us through just about ok.
Now on top of everything else I have become disabled and cant work myself .I've had to leave. I am eligible and I am claiming high rate pip . This isn't even half of my previous wage.
We have 2 teenage children who need a lot of things paying for. Over the 5 years we have depleted our savings down to nothing and are now struggling . Our only option is to downsize our home but that cant happen overnight, due to the lengthy selling process.
We are not eligible for universal credit as earn over the threshold. I've got two kids at high school who want school dinners like their friends. That alone is £200 a month (£5 a day) and I can't pay it . I can hardly afford to buy us food . Is there any help for people in our situation?

OP posts:
Namechangeggg · 04/12/2025 12:47

Downsizing for a smaller mortgage would be a good first step. A smaller house would also mean cheaper council tax and heating bills.

SlowPedestrians · 04/12/2025 12:49

I had to massively cut back after divorce. We were never frivolous either, but I really didn't have enough to cover costs for a while. I have a lodger, but appreciate that isn't an option for everyone.

I went through all bank statements and worked out exactly where everything was going. Then worked out what I absolutely needed and the monthly average. I set up a separate account (Monzo) and now transfer the money across every month. So, e.g. there's a pot for each DC's birthday, and annual payments like insurance. It's cheaper to pay annually, but I put a bit aside every month so that I can definitely pay for the year when that cost comes around. I started out only putting £2.50 a month aside for each birthday, but it meant there was definitely £30 available when the birthday came around, plus anything else I could spare that month.

Regardless of whether or not you downsize, get UC, or anything else, this is just a sensible way of budgeting.

Daily school meals is just insane when you're on a tight budget. My DC have school dinners once a week. If I had to, I'd cut that back to no days. I don't spend that on my own lunch!

SockFluffInTheBath · 04/12/2025 12:54

Not the same circumstances but we’ve had a time when our household income was slashed with minimal warning and had to find a way through. It’s brutal and, with kindness, you need to shake out of feeling sorry for yourself and start to really fight. The short version is you cannot afford to be sentimental. Sell jewellery, anything not contracted, or owned by someone else. The house won’t sell overnight but it won’t even start to sell until it’s marketed so get it listed. You also need to consider that your husband’s employer’s insurance may run out one day, and what happens then? I don’t mean to be unnecessarily harsh but something like this can shock you into a dazed staggering through the days- it did for me- and that holds you back. Best of luck OP.

LadyLapsang · 04/12/2025 12:55

I am sorry you both have health problems / disabilities. Thankfully it sounds like you have assets in the form of equity in your house and two cars. Do you or the children have other savings or investments?

Do you need two cars given the children get the bus to school and neither of you are working?

Have you sought the advice of a Disability Employment Adviser, work coach or private consultant on retraining or support towards returning to some type of work?

Brefugee · 04/12/2025 12:57

Nomoneyleft9743 · 04/12/2025 08:57

This is a lesson to always live well within your means.
My husband has had a good career for 15 years in senior management travelling across the world etc. His pay was enough to enable me to be a sahm raising our children and we bought a large home . We lived comfortably and could save a bit but not a huge amount (1st mistake)
Unfortunately my husband became very poorly and has been off work for 5 years now. He is still employed by the company but wont be going back anytime soon. They have been amazing and luckily for us they had group payment protection insurance so they were able to continue paying him 50% of his wage.
This was not enough for us to live on due to our large bills . We have never been frivolous, buy our clothes off vinted, no cars on finance etc. We reduced all unnecessary bills down . No holidays etc
I went back to work but due to me being off so long I could only get a minimum wage job. This has seen us through just about ok.
Now on top of everything else I have become disabled and cant work myself .I've had to leave. I am eligible and I am claiming high rate pip . This isn't even half of my previous wage.
We have 2 teenage children who need a lot of things paying for. Over the 5 years we have depleted our savings down to nothing and are now struggling . Our only option is to downsize our home but that cant happen overnight, due to the lengthy selling process.
We are not eligible for universal credit as earn over the threshold. I've got two kids at high school who want school dinners like their friends. That alone is £200 a month (£5 a day) and I can't pay it . I can hardly afford to buy us food . Is there any help for people in our situation?

sorry, it sounds hard.

Good lesson for your teens about learning to buy what you can afford.

If you earn too much to qualify for benefits, you are still ahead of the game, though so that is a positive?

cestlavielife · 04/12/2025 12:57

Get rid of one car.
Sel sell sell on vinted . If you go for it lots of £5 to £10 items will add up and if you gonna be downsizing is great to start clearing out .
Your teens can help with packing and drop offs

Araminta1003 · 04/12/2025 12:59

From 26/27 those on UC will also get some free school dinner allocation. Details tbc. So if you get the UC your DC should get something but it won’t be £5.

Redburnett · 04/12/2025 12:59

Apart from school dinners one idea is to consider selling one car if neither of you needs one for work now.
And selling all your unnecessary stuff on ebay/Vinted/ FB Marketplace since presumably you now have time if not working. This will help declutter which you will need to do if you sell the house. Is there enough equity to buy a small house outright (maybe nearer school so no bus fares?) But sympathies, it is hard bringing up kids on a tight budget.

cestlavielife · 04/12/2025 12:59

Lightingfail · 04/12/2025 11:47

If there is no chance of your husband going back to work you might be better off if he retired through ill health, so you would be entitled to universal credit. I'd seek some proper advice on this.

Yes how old is he?
Can he retire and access lump sum ?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/12/2025 13:00

Araminta1003 · 04/12/2025 12:59

From 26/27 those on UC will also get some free school dinner allocation. Details tbc. So if you get the UC your DC should get something but it won’t be £5.

She doesn’t get UC, that’s the point

workdilemma123abc · 04/12/2025 13:01

why do the kids need school transport when you both have car insurance and can drive? are neither of you able to take them?

sorry if been answered x

RabbitsEatPancakes · 04/12/2025 13:06

5 years on minimum wage and you've not thought to sell your large house?

Surely downsizing is the obvious solution, get a mortgage holiday whilst you do so and price it to sell.

£800 on food and month for a family of 4 is hardly watching the pennies. Get to Aldi, £100 a week food and £100 a month on cleaning/ hygiene supplies. That's £300 saved a month. £3600- that would have been a decent holiday if you'd done it last year.

Why do you need 2 cars when not working and paying school bus on top of that? Drive them to school if it's too far to walk and sell one car.

There's some really obvious and easy ways to save money.

TimetodoEverything · 04/12/2025 13:10

what was your husband’s profession or the industry he worked in? There may be charitable grants available. Have a look at Turn2Us website where you can answer questions and it suggests grant making charities.

If downsizing is feasible then start the sales process now. No point writing it off as it takes too long, otherwise you’ll still be in the same position in 6/9 months time.

rainingsnoring · 04/12/2025 13:12

Sorry to hear about your health problems.
There are several things that can be done to help with your budgeting though.
The DC don't need a school lunch. You (or they) can make a packed lunch.
Do the DC need to take a bus to school if both of you are not working and have two cars available?

Apart from that, you need to downsize and sell a car as you only need one.

Monty34 · 04/12/2025 13:14

I am afraid her post doesnt make a lot of logical sense. I know of no company that would retain someone for five years whilst they are not doing any work. They would have parted company and not been able to tolerate that level of absence.
You can always downsize to a new build where they buy your house off you as part of a deal.

littleorangefox · 04/12/2025 13:16

Nomoneyleft9743 · 04/12/2025 09:43

Income: £2500 month

Outgoings:
Mortgage £1200
Council tax £211
Energy £200
House insurance £20
Car insurance for both £80
Phones x 4 £80
School dinners £200
Food £600
School bus and laptop rental £100
Fuel £100
Water £40

Just these alone come to more than our incoming. That's without Xmas, birthdays, clothes, having any kind of a life, pocket money, car maintenance, house maintenance etc. Its just not doable . We are putting the house on the market.
The reason its gone on so long is that we never thought in a million years it would. We never thought it would happen to either of us.

You are eligible for UC on that income if you're claiming for 2 children as well. If they're teenagers then the amounts would be:

Couple over 25 - £628.10
Children - £631.81 (As the first child is £339 and second is £292.81 due to both being born before 2017)
Carer's Element which you are entitled to with your husband as your carer due to you receiving high rate PIP - £201.68

Total - £1461.59

The wage deduction for a monthly income of £2500 is £998.80

This leaves a UC payment of £462.79 which is what you would receive monthly.

LCWRA would be an additional £423.27 on top of that. Only one of you can claim that.

Carer's Allowance is claimed separately from UC. This is a different benefit from the Carer's Element of UC and is often confused. Carer's Allowance is deducted in full from UC but obviously you then get it paid separately. Personally, I wouldn't advise your husband to claim it in your situation as he will still be receiving the national insurance credits that go along with it as he is still receiving a salary. You aren't any financially better off claiming it in terms of money in the bank.

Interpink · 04/12/2025 13:16

Monty34 · 04/12/2025 13:14

I am afraid her post doesnt make a lot of logical sense. I know of no company that would retain someone for five years whilst they are not doing any work. They would have parted company and not been able to tolerate that level of absence.
You can always downsize to a new build where they buy your house off you as part of a deal.

No that isn’t true. Many large corporations offer Permanent Health Insurance as a part of their benefits package - it’s called Group Income Protection and it pays the company a fixed % of the insured salary, and then they pay the employee until they can return to work or until their usual retirement age.

calminggreen · 04/12/2025 13:18

Surely you have a plan for when inevitably your husband is let go from His employer - can’t see them wanting to pay half his salary for ever more.?

Realistically after year 1 with no sign of him going back to work you should have made moves to downsize at that point rather than wait for the bitter end?

Lastgig · 04/12/2025 13:19

@Nomoneyleft9743 we have been in a similar place. Large house, sudden illness. I have lost a huge professional salary.
I think you are wrong re universal credit. You have school age children. I assume the £2500 is net after tax or is it an insurance payment?
Contact CAB as your husband is clearly unwell as are you. You might get some help.
We are having to sell our house too but the market is dead due to the nonsense the Chancellor created.
I believe housing secruity is more import than a big house. Your teenagers need to know they have that.
Good luck.

itsthetea · 04/12/2025 13:19

The most likely reason they can’t claim benefits must be that they still have savings because if both can work because of illness / disability then they do get UC

Figgygal · 04/12/2025 13:19

Downsize your property sounds like you might have a lot of equity in it if your mortgage is only 1,200 a month.
Agree with others on the cars and the lunches

Interpink · 04/12/2025 13:20

calminggreen · 04/12/2025 13:18

Surely you have a plan for when inevitably your husband is let go from His employer - can’t see them wanting to pay half his salary for ever more.?

Realistically after year 1 with no sign of him going back to work you should have made moves to downsize at that point rather than wait for the bitter end?

If he’s covered on their group income protection scheme then they can’t let him go as that would be restricting his contractual benefit. So he either returns to work or they pay him till retirement age.

I know that blows some people’s minds but it is true.

Interpink · 04/12/2025 13:21

itsthetea · 04/12/2025 13:19

The most likely reason they can’t claim benefits must be that they still have savings because if both can work because of illness / disability then they do get UC

That’s true - if there’s more than £16k then it’s maybe worth redoing the calculator and spending the £16k immediately.

MajesticWhine · 04/12/2025 13:22

Selling the house and downsizing is a must. That is the most obvious answer. It may take some time but I would not put it off a moment longer. Is it on the market?

WonderingWanda · 04/12/2025 13:22

I think the message for others should be don't leave it too late to downsize. I Am truly sorry for your predicament op but if he's been off 5 years you could've sold much sooner. I had a relative who refused to move, wouldn't listen to me, felt convinced someone at the bank would rescue them, their home was repossessed and they everything.