House Hold Income 85K a month net

[cripplinglyalone]

My house hold income is 85k a month net. I am money rich but support /family poor. AMA.

I'd think you could afford to have a cleaner, outsource any ironing and/or maybe hire a nanny/mother's help part-time if you have children.

happy Christmas OP! Hope you had a nice time putting up your Christmas decs

im interested to know how your life changed with accumulated wealth… do your kids go to private schools, and if so how do you feel about that? If not could I ask why? I’m interested in this personally!

why do you drive an old Toyota? Treat yourself from your hard earned cash! Doesn’t have to be fancy but a new car that suits your needs is a lovely luxury to afford.

you sound lovely by the way.
everyone deserves to be happy… treat yourself to some top notch therapy and see if you can figure out a way to move forwards with some of your life goals.

volunteering is good for the soul if you can find the time.

Same to you!

Wow that’s really blown my mind. I guess I knew mega wealthy people exist but… just sitting here thinking about what that would look like for me… I’d go private for my healthcare, finally learn what’s wrong with me and save my children years of their own heartache (they’re showing signs of similar already. I think I have something genetically wrong but the nhs just won’t help and in the meantime it’s ruining my life)

i appreciate what you say, about luck. I think you’ve worked extremely hard, but you’re right that so do so many and yet will never be as financially fruitful.

i’ve grated so hard, to pull myself out of the hellhole of my childhood but my business is being hit by the economic climate and I’m scared. Will AI affect you? Do you worry about that?

im sorry you’re lonely. I understand this on a deeper level and some of your replies felt very close to home. I hope you’re okay- and gave someone in your life who makes you feel truly understood and seen. X

My advice is to live normally, chat to neighbours, rock up at the school gates, be friendly when dropping off at the door for play dates, meet random people for coffee once a week, join parkrun or a friendly class. I guarantee some friendships will stick even for a bit.

Just don’t mention money - most people don’t get this type of wealth. You don’t sound flashy so won’t benefit from flash friends and acquiring things.

You sound great btw!

Not really relevant to the threat title I guess, but hypotethically if I was working on a business teaching women tech skills would you be interested in supporting it?😅

OP it sounds like you’ve been through a lot and I’m sending you lots of love so that you can overcome the lonely thoughts and feelings.

You have some lovely people around you. Kids, the friends you‘ve mentioned. Lean into those warm relationships and take it from there. You sound lovely and you can draw more kind people like these into your life.

I also tend to isolate myself and then feel completely shut off from everyone. The Emerson quote ‚to have a friend is to be a friend‘ really made sense to me. Maybe it does to you as well?

And I also have a question for you please:

How did you get into your career? What did you study (if you did), and what university did you go to?

Thank you

I honestly read this as 85k a year, which in itself is a good income but was somewhat confused by all the opening posts about buying in help. But 85k/month net income, I don't even know what to think!

Also, as someone who suffered childhood abuse, depression and was crippilingly alone too, what helped me make sincere friends and feel less alone is honestly to ask them for support pretty early in the friendship. Think things like helping me move, or needing a place to stay, or emotional support.

I asked them because unlike you, I was broke and desperate for support and had no one close to me, but once those friends agreed to help despite not knowing me for that long, I knew they were real ones and we became friends for life.

This is probably difficult for you to do as you don't need anyone's practical help when you have income as high as yours, but that's what helped me find real friends so I thought I'd share!

Hi OP. If you get to read this post I would like to say I'm sorry about your childhood.

I had a horrible childhood too. And no family warmth, I get what you say about people talking about Christmas plans with their parents etc. I don't have that and it stings.

I am doing a therapy atm (which in my case I find it quite expensive but very worth it) and would really encourage you to try again. Please do it. Don't let your past take over your life like this.

You are wise saving money. Do it for your kids, you can really help them with their future. You sound very kind. You are really in a position to help them, be very proud of that.

I can get how much more difficult is to become friends with average people like myself and most people in MN. I'm sorry about that, must be awful to be that lonely, it's easier to make friends with people who share the same lifestyle etc. But you can make real friends. If you are very isolated for now you could start talking on MN, before try to make friends in real life.
I would start with therapy, definitely please do this.
And I think you will find people who will like you for who you are. Mind yourslef. xx

Lend us a fiver.

I am a Holistic Therapist, so look at treating the person as a whole, mind body and soul, rather than 'parts'.

I am sure you've done this million times if you've had therapy but this is a really good place to start

Get a large sheet of paper and draw about 8 big bubbles on it

In each one wrote an area of your life ie
Health
Family
Work
Finance
Hobbies
Fun
Relationships
Home
Love
Wellbeing

In each bubble using one coloured pen write down all the things you're already doing in each of those areas to make you life fulfilled. Anything at all, nothing is too small. Some bubbles might be full and some might have only one thing in.

Then in a different colour pen write the things you wish it were. Doesn't matter how extravagant, its literally just getting your thoughts down on paper.

Writing it down so clearly like this might seem really obvious or simple, but you'll be able to see really clearly which of your life areas are leaving you the most unfulfilled

Then choose ONE area and one thing that you can do in the next week to make it better. Could be something really small.

For example in hobbies, you might write that you don't do anything but as a child you loved to draw. Your action for the week could be something really simple like buying yourself a little sketchbook and some fun colour pens and spend 15 mins (start small and you're more likely to do it) making some doodles.

That's it. Something really small and easy.

The trick is to work theough picking something really small each week to focus in. One tiny thing for YOURSELF. one little thing that will be one thing more than if you'd never had a go

If you want anymore help at all or an example of what it could look like please feel free to message me 😊

Oops sorry, I meant what do you do about that issue, you'd already answered the question about your job. But thanks for answering.

Also just wanted to say well done on your resilience and success, and for making a great life for your kids and breaking the cycle of your childhood.

My dad had a horrible childhood and is very professionally successful and was/is an incredible father and grandfather. I'm always impressed by people who decide to use a difficult start to motivate them to do things very differently!

Are your children in private school?

And, oddly specific question:
I was in Harrods the other day with my sister playing a highly childish game of find the most outrageous prices. We found:
Little boys smart blazer jacket abut age 7ish - £2100
HUGE stuffed toy giraffe (about 2.5m tall) - £4500
Gold (prseumably real) ornamental elephant - £45,000
and wondered who would actually spend that on kids' clothes and toys or home decor. You're the highest earner I've ever 'met' so ... would you buy those things?

In a typical month, how much of that 85K do you manage to get through?

Have you ever been taken advantage of, financially?

Sorry for typos in my post above... Trying to get it all down before I fell asleep!

100% yes re: being NC with parents.
I had the same when i went NC with my horrific father! People looking at me like i was the monster.... How awful do you think someone needs to be for their own child to not want to know you??

I believe your earnings btw...
You can 100% make this in tech. I'm ex-big tech (our ceo is the dickhead with a bad perm) and IC7/8 and D1/D2 eng guys who joined precovid are def making this kind of money
More power to you!

I think the industry can be lonely/ mentally tough.
I never felt more isolated / unhappy than while at my last well paid (but poorly paid compared to you) job at a company that rhymes with feta 😅
Are you actually happy in your job? Is that possibly.part of the melancholy?

My mother says too much money ruins lives. She says mad things sometimes but it makes me think.

If we suddenly came into life changing money (lottery win or job with ridiculous take home) it would be amazing for our family but I think it would isolate us from our friends. I think the divide and difference in lifestyle would be difficult to overcome. We hang out with and talk to people with similar interests and people we can relate to. Even if you aren’t flash and try to live modestly, the difference is there.

Saying that, could you reconnect with your old friends? Plan to do something together a couple times a year. I think for an old friend I would offer to pay for a hotel and dinner or hotel and tickets for whatever you are doing (they cover own travel) or something like that because it’s nothing to you but a lot to them.

Others have mentioned therapy, this sounds like a good idea.

How much spare time do you have?

Do you have any hobbies?

Are you fit and well? (I saw someone mention MJ - are you on a weight loss journey?)

You are focussing on giving your kids a great life, this is amazing but maybe you need to focus on you and what makes you happy.

If you are not fit, get fit and strong.
Eat well - nutritious food - hire a chef/dietician.
Exercise - find exercise you enjoy - hire a PT to train you in your home gym - go to reformer Pilates and/or CrossFit
Do park run with your kids. Take them surfing.
Build yourself a swimming pool (jokes, you may already have one.)
Put energy and resources into making yourself feel better.

I’ve always thought it best not to get into a new relationship until you are OK on your own again. Friendships are different because often you connect with people who are there for you during times of need but perhaps filling the void with other things that make you happy or make you feel more whole will make it easier for you to connect with others.

I was depressed for a little while and found social interactions really difficult, I didn’t know what to say to people because I didn’t have anything to talk about.

New hobbies and interests will naturally bring you in contact with others, and gives you something to talk about.

How about a personal trainer- you’d get a natural boost from the exercise. Improve your health (body & mind). Be healthier for your children. Get satisfaction from your accomplishments……. You sound great and deserve the best. A bit of exercise has so many benefits and has kept me sane(ish)! I imagine time availability is the usual challenge for a working mum. Having someone even once/week could really give you a boost and potentially unlock a whole new habit/hobby and least of life. 💐

This post made me feel a bit sad. I hope you're okay OP 🙏 🫂 😔

What do you do for yourself to nourish your soul? 🤔
I don’t mean therapy or donating to charity BTW. 🤔
Things such as:
Spend time with friends. ☕️
Cook your favourite meal. 😋
Read a good book. 📚
Talk long walks with beautiful scenery 🚶‍♂️
Partake in a hobby (sports /crochet / gardening etc) 🪡
Explore artistic side (poetry, paint, sing, play an instrument) 🎶
Donate an hour to your local park group (if you can spare time) to plant some flowers 🏵
Donate an hour to your local church (if you can) to help out at a old dears meet up /choir etc 😇

I ask this, as my mum recently passed away in the summer and I cut contact with all her extended family (she was from a big family) and it was for the best, but made my world a bit smaller.

I started to make an effort with a couple of the school mums, and after a few play dates (coffee was involved, as was the park) it was nice to have another mum to vent to, and who could relate to being a mum of a 6 year old DS. 💙
Walking my dog everyday helped me personally, as it got me out in the fresh air and got chatting again, to other dog walkers. 🐕
It may only be a good morning or a smile, but sometimes that is all you need to brightenup a dark day ☀️

Wishing you the best OP. And I hope you have a merry christmas 🫂

💐know that you're not alone.

With a distant Husband, you might benefit from some form of touch therapy, if a massage isn't for you, maybe some reflexology or a facial.

I can understand that feeling of loneliness minus my net is 2.5k pm only. I have made a peace with myself no matter how hard I try but I cant have friends. I love my family . Friendship doesn’t work for everyone, I have realised and I have always longed for few friends like I had in my school days.

Are you worried if you and your husband break up that he would take half of everything and half your pension?

For when this ends, which she's knows it will as it's short term
in tech.

For her kids future.

You know, the things most of us save for.

I dont have your kind of money but what you said about having kids older, not clicking with other moms, guilty that my unpopularity affected my kids' friendship, family is around but no real bond, etc, all resonated with me. Perhaps some wellness/mindfulness therapy will help. For the kids it doesnt have to be school friendship, you can meet other families through chosen hobbies abd activities and normally it is easier to connect via that shared interest. School gate moms are so cliquey. Big hugs

Do you know what? I'd be your friend and I wouldn't care about your money, except that I like to be reciprocal, so I wouldn't cope well if you insisted on paying for everything.

Do you think you perhaps think your income is more of a friendship barrier than it is? I have a relatively well off friend (nothing remotely in your league) and I laugh at how different our living standards are. But we're friends because of what we have in common, not what we don't, IYSWIM.