DH redundancy – help me get a handle on our finances

[DHneedstogetajob]

DH was made redundant out of the blue 9 months ago and hasn't yet found another job. He was the main earner, I work fewer hours which allows me to support our DC who has additional needs. We were never well off but we were comfortable and we don't have any dept (except for our mortgage, which is about £250k). We've been living off DH's redundancy pay-off, but it's about to run out and we're about 2 months away from being in serious trouble.

We pay for DD's education as she attends a specialist school. It's our biggest outgoing, currently costing over £2k per month, and the fees have just gone up due to VAT. DD doesn't have an EHCP as its was deemed she could 'cope' in mainstream school (I beg to differ). I know we're in a hugely privileged position to be able to pay for DD's school and I don't want to start a debate about this. We made the decision to only have one child and to fund her schooling when she was diagnosed aged 3.

DH seems to be having some sort of breakdown and I feel I've got to take charge to help keep us afloat. I've got a second job to help support us but as I work in a much lower paying industry than DH, we cannot survive on what I earn. I absolutely do not want to take DD out of her school and I'm going to talk to them about a bursary/temporary hardship help with the fees. I'm selling our car, have cut back on spending in absolutely any way I can think but I still can't make the figures work. We're (rightly) not entitled to any sort of benefits as we still have some of DH's redundancy money in the bank.

My question is, does anyone have any suggestions for anything I can do to keep us afloat until DH gets a job? I know there are people in far, far worse situations than this and I'm definitely not expecting sympathy, but I'm in a huge panic about how on earth we're going to cope and I can't see the wood for the trees. I'd really love some practical advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation. Thank you for reading.

Have you looked at what you are entitled to benefit wise? You can claim UC with a mortgage. What do you earn?

I know we're in a hugely privileged position to be able to pay for DD's school and I don't want to start a debate about this.

What do you earn? How much are your bills/mortgage?

I know you don't want to debate the schooling, but you sadly aren't in the privileged position you were in before so simply can't pay £2000 a month for private school any more if your DH can't get another job.

Other than a Mortgage holiday, I can't see what else you can do?

Don't want to patronise, but have you really nailed down the basics? Ie a budget to really understand costs? Great to think about increasing what's coming in, but can you strip outgoings right down?

Can your DH get any job while he searches for a better one? Without knowing your area it's hard to eat whether that could be in driving or care etc. Would that plug enough of a gap? Has someone given his CV a really critical eye? Are his plans realistic or does he maybe need to cast his net wider due to a dying or too niche industry?

I'm sorry to be blunt but if you are a couple of months away from being in serious difficulties then you are going to have to make some very difficult choices. You clearly have 2 major expenses school and mortgage. If you can't afford them both then you have to choose one. Either sell the house and use the equity to pay school fees whilst renting somewhere smaller/cheaper. Or use state schooling.

Can you state your income and then list ALL outgoings? Otherwise it’s quite hard to advise.

Could he support dd and you increase hours short term?

1. Your dh needs to get any old job. He can job hunt, network etc during evenings, weekends, annual leave. He doesn't have the luxury of trying to find something at his previous level.

1. You need to apply for an EHCP. You should have done this anyway, appealing if necessary. Then attempt to get your LEA to fund school.

1. Sell the house. In all honesty you're probably far too late for the first two courses of action to change your current living position, so will need to sell, but selling while you get 1 and 2 underway will at least mean you can keep your dc in their school.

Just spotted you pay for private school. Ignore my comment. You may have to consider state soon as you won't be able to afford it.

I think the frank conversation with the school about bursaries is a great start. If you don't have loads of redundancy money in the bank I'd also look at paying some off the mortgage to make payments more manageable, or advance paying some school fees, then claiming benefits. Check this is legal first. Your DH also needs to look into getting any job he can to tide him over whilst you get back ok your feet. In the meantime he can look at appealing the ehcp.

What’s your salary & how much do you have in savings?

Is your DH applying for jobs, even on less money, or is the shortfall likely to be a longer term issue?

9 months is a huge amount of time to be out of work if actively looking for a role. Is he looking for jobs in his particular field at his previous (or slightly lower level) or is he looking at anything as a stop gap?

He needs to take any job, even delivery driving, to keep the cash coming in.

Have you done a detailed budget and stripped absolutely everything back? Food, subscriptions, utilities?

Does DD get DLA? Have you properly checked the benefits situation?

You do need to talk to the bursar asap. And yy to mortgage holiday but do be aware of the impact it will have on your credit rating.

Can you up your hours, I know you've said you've taken on a second job but is there scope to increase one of them? Are you on the right tax code if you're working two jobs?

Can family help?

Can you sell anything?

What has DH been doing up to now to get a job? At risk of stating the obvious, he needs any job. Even NMW will bring in around £1600 pm which will go a long way towards the school fees. It will probably do a lot to help his mental health too - being unemployed after being the main earner will be tough on him.

If you haven't done so already, ruthlessly review your budget to cut costs, eliminate unnecessary expenditure, minimal non essentials to keep you out of serious trouble as long as possible. I assume DH is running the household and doing this efficiently to cut costs, ie minimal groceries, meal planning, batch cooking, doing the gardening and DIY etc rather than paying for help and buying more expensive groceries? If not, he needs to be on all this pronto. You say that you're selling the car, reviewing the budget and cutting back, why isn't he doing this while you're working?

Once your savings dwindle, look again at UC, although with a mortgage and one DC it's unlikely to be much unless you're a very low earner.

Then you have to consider the crisis option if he doesn't get a job that allows you to balance the budget. Otherwise you're going to be at risk of getting into debt, trashing your credit rating, which makes your finances difficult and expensive for the next 6 years due to ruined credit file, and possibly selling the house. Plus if you have to go into debt management for the mortgage, they're unlikely to accept you paying school fees in preference to the mortgage.

What is DH doing? He needs a job in Tesco or similar if he can't find the job he wants

I've got a second job to help support us

Maybe I'm missing something but if you've managed to find not just a second job but one that fits around your first job, why hasn't he managed to get even a part time one? He needs to get any job even if he thinks it's beneath him.

Start looking at what you can cut. Different energy tariff? Cut out unnecessary extras on insurance when it's next due. Change supermarket. Stop gym, Netflix, sky etc. Can you list your outgoings?

The reality is that unless your dh gets a job then school fees are not viable. I agree that he may not want any job but 9 months down the line he has absolutely no choice. I understand it is very difficult but he needs now to fully understand the impact of not working on you all and what is at risk. However much you trim your budget you are going to struggle to manage the school fees as they currently are.

So what IS he doing @DHneedstogetajob because you seem to be doing an awful lot!

Have you tried looking at an echp again? We very lots of kids from primary without one, but then we manage to put one in place for them. Don't ask me how- I just know this from the senco at our place.

We have a lot of kids with sen here; many of whom we doubted we'd be able to cope with initially, but we do a fantastic job with them. State schools aren't quite the shitshow mn thinks . Many remarkable things are done with tiny budgets.

https://www.charityjob.co.uk/

https://www.kickitout.org/job-listing

Management, IT & support roles in University sector

https://jobsinfootball.com/

https://www.uksport.gov.uk/jobs-in-sport

Have a look here for jobs, filter to location, sector type etc but there's everything here from media to finance roles etc in the charity & sports sectors. There's a massive shortage of skilled workers in these sectors and if your dh has transferable skills he could easily switch.

The hospitality sector is another area crying out for staff, even if he works as a waiter for 6 months while he's looking for a career job.

@DHneedstogetajob has you DH been actively looking for a job and going for interviews but just not getting any further? Or is he burying his head in the sand? For now, he needs to just take on any job until he finds something in his field. During lockdown a friend took on a job as a delivery driver for a pharmacy because he couldn't operate his own business, there are loads of those sorts of jobs out there that don't need experience.

If your husband is currently having a breakdown, and not just a crisis of confidence as he's still out of work, he needs to deal with that. Medically, therapy - whatever, but it's totally unfair to essentially pile every single responsibility on you.

As others have said, if your two outgoings are mortgage and school and soon you won't be able to afford one, then school is going to have to go, unless husband can get a job, any job.

I'm sorry, I know you don't want to do this but hard decisions are going to have to be made here.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. To answer some questions:

• DH has been going for interviews/is actively seeking work. He's waiting to hear back about a job and if he got this all of our problems would be solved, but I don't feel we can count on it as they're dragging their heels.
• DD does get DLA and I've applied for child benefit (we've never qualified before but we're now earning under the threshold).
• Mortgage holiday is an option I hadn't considered. Thank you, I'll look into this.
• DD won't get an EHCP, we've tried. I totally realise state schools aren't a shitshow, practically everyone we know has kids in one, but I'm very worried about what moving schools would do to DD (she's been at the same school since she was 3).

Thank you for the practical suggestions, this is exactly what I need to hear.

How much time is he spending each day on job hunting or job hunting related tasks?

He should be applying for at least 10 jobs a day, obviously there will be many outside his preferred sector but that's not the point.

People suggested getting the EHCP so that your dc's specialist SEND education place at her current school could be funded this way. They weren't suggesting for her to move schools, they meant that you could use the funding to pay for the existing one.

If you earn too much to qualify for carers allowance, you'll qualify for carers credit.

https://www.gov.uk/carers-credit

You could have a look on here, you may be eligible for certain grants https://www.turn2us.org.uk/

State school plus tutoring may be a good option for your daughter? Better than losing the roof over your head.

Is your DH having counselling?