DH redundancy – help me get a handle on our finances

[DHneedstogetajob]

DH was made redundant out of the blue 9 months ago and hasn't yet found another job. He was the main earner, I work fewer hours which allows me to support our DC who has additional needs. We were never well off but we were comfortable and we don't have any dept (except for our mortgage, which is about £250k). We've been living off DH's redundancy pay-off, but it's about to run out and we're about 2 months away from being in serious trouble.

We pay for DD's education as she attends a specialist school. It's our biggest outgoing, currently costing over £2k per month, and the fees have just gone up due to VAT. DD doesn't have an EHCP as its was deemed she could 'cope' in mainstream school (I beg to differ). I know we're in a hugely privileged position to be able to pay for DD's school and I don't want to start a debate about this. We made the decision to only have one child and to fund her schooling when she was diagnosed aged 3.

DH seems to be having some sort of breakdown and I feel I've got to take charge to help keep us afloat. I've got a second job to help support us but as I work in a much lower paying industry than DH, we cannot survive on what I earn. I absolutely do not want to take DD out of her school and I'm going to talk to them about a bursary/temporary hardship help with the fees. I'm selling our car, have cut back on spending in absolutely any way I can think but I still can't make the figures work. We're (rightly) not entitled to any sort of benefits as we still have some of DH's redundancy money in the bank.

My question is, does anyone have any suggestions for anything I can do to keep us afloat until DH gets a job? I know there are people in far, far worse situations than this and I'm definitely not expecting sympathy, but I'm in a huge panic about how on earth we're going to cope and I can't see the wood for the trees. I'd really love some practical advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation. Thank you for reading.

I would consider taking a short mortgage holiday. In the greater scheme of things taking three months out now will not make any real long term difference and providing there is no history of issues, your mortgage provider should do this without issue and without it impacting your credit rating.

That's impossible for some career paths.

Also how old is your DD? Your options will be very different if she only has a year or two left of school compared to it she is only 8 or 9, say.

OP - Check with your local office but my redundancy payment did not impact me applying for benefits - it was over the threshold. I didn't know this and applied to late but then was told I should have applied from day zero. I am unsure if the rules have changed.

Look into your local welfare assistance scheme - this exists for situations like this but you need to apply quickly as the scheme ends in the end of February in our area.

Also get in touch with your Families Early Help team - they help with returning to work support as well as support for children with additional needs, finance options and can refer on.

I would also join the frugal and freegan group on Facebook - heaps of money saving ideas on there.

Your "DH" is a massive problem here, and off-putting as well.
Some sort of break down, that's brilliant.
What if you had one yourself, who would take care of your child's needs?
Shit show from your husband.

I am sorry but you are in financial dire straits and you have to start thinking long term tactics not just short term band aids. You will be here again when the next crisis hits. Reading your posts makes me very anxious for your predicament and I have been in some very precarious financial situations myself.

How much equity do you have in your house?

Can he start his own business in his field of work, if he can't find anything. He might be happier launching out on his own rather siting around getting gloomier about his job prospects.

Cheaper school? mortgage holiday? Is the money left earning good interest? Take a lodger? Would relatives help you?

Your DH needs to take any job and keep applying. I would also consider a mortgage holiday. However the private school fees are the expense that will take you under. You don't mention your daughters diagnosis or her age. Also the level of DLA to which she is entitled. You need to find a mainstream setting and apply for an EHCP - not to get the LA to pay the fees (very likely not happening) but to support her in mainstream. Better in a state school and a financially stable home.

If I had a family member who hadn’t even got a part time minimum wage job in 9 months…I doubt I’d be lending them financial support.

Going through redundancy is tough and can have a massive impact on confidence regardless of if you are male or female. Please ignore what some posters are saying.

Also, I would look into some other things, do you have access to a food pantry for instance locally? Olio and Too Good to Goo are great apps that help with food costs (olio is free, too good to go is low cost, both help the environment too).

Speak to the school as they may be able to refer to you to places, if you have a local community / mutual aid / solidarity organisation please reach out to them as well, as well as your local social prescriber.

It's probably not a great idea for your DH to be solely focused on just applying for jobs - make sure he's doing something where he's engaging with the community / volunteering / training - anything really. DWP have some good training for things like security courses if he wants an interim but I also appreciate this can impact some long term professional careers.

We won't be able to get any help from our families. We both come from deprived backgrounds and there's definitely no spare cash.

Also be aware that most posters have ZERO idea about how bad support in state schools if for children with additional needs even with ECHP. And many are just totally anti private education full stop so the de facto advice will always be to take your child out of private school but not because it will benefit your child but due to it satisfying their envy.

I agree. It is dismaying to read he’s been effectively making you and your daughter vulnerable from a security and financial perspective and for all this time. The care industry are crying out for staff so as long as he passes the DBS process he could practically walk into one of these jobs, and with overtime picking up £2K + a month.

But having been unemployed for 9 months and almost at the point of either pulling their daughter out of school or selling their house he doesn't have the luxury of sticking with a career path right now. If it works out, great. But he needs to be applying for everything available in the short term. Minimum wage would almost pay his daughter's monthly school bill.

He needs to get a job. Any job. Barman, crossing keeper, ASDA delivery driver. It would help his mental health too.

If he's good, he will soon get to managerial.

@BigSkyDreams Thank you for your kind words. DH has been spending time retraining/upskilling in the event that he can't find a job in his own industry. He is trying but I really think he's having a mental health crisis.

I have a professional job, but in periods of unemployment have really enjoyed supermarket work. I have a few friends who work as supermarket delivery drivers and really enjoy it. Low pressure, getting to chat to lots of people. It isn't a long term option, but can your DH pick up some work whilst he is waiting to hear back from his preferred job? It might make the money stretch a little further?

other than cutting non essentials then its upto your Dh, to become earning again, im in the boat in sense unexpected redundancy and thankfully the savings got me through but now needing Universial credit until i get a position, currently applying for suitable roles i can do and travel to using public transport.

@tropicalroses This is a really good point and exactly how I feel. I also have a professional job (think journalism) that's very deadline driven and can be quite stressy, but the second job I've taken is low paid and low pressure and I'm really enjoying it.

Could your husband do any other kind of job in the interim even if lower paid to bring some income in? After this long out of work, any income would be better than none and he can't keep waiting indefinitely.
Agree mortgage holiday would take a big burden off. My parents couldn't pay their mortgage for months at a time when we were kids.
Can you husband cook? While he's off work he could be focusing on cutting down the food shop by doing lots of batch cooking etc to reduce costs there.
Cancel any tv subscriptions etc.
Definitely contact your daughters school about help with the fees. Hopefully they'll be accommodating since you're a long term customer.

Exactly.
My husband is "old school", if he lost his means of income in the past for any reason, he would have done absolutely everything to get back out there, I'm sure.
We all feel bad for certain things, however, his generation didn't seem to have much space to accommodate break downs, especially if they had a family to manage.
(He's significantly older - relevant).

Is he registered with any agencies? Lots of jobs go through specific recruitment agencies. Does he have any contacts from his previous role? On LinkedIn? Sometimes jobs are known to be coming up through networking. Are there any meet ups locally for his industry? Google and find out if there are any out there.

He needs to bring in money. So he does whatever entry level work he can find, or Agency work, while applying for his actual industry jobs as they arise.

OP are you saying that you're only just applying for child benefit now? Why not sooner?
Did your DH apply for contributions based JSA? If not why not?
Has he done any paid work at all in the last 9 months?
However much you may want to keep your DD in the private school, fees of nearly 30k a year are just not realistic for a family with one earner. SEND or not, private school is a luxury you can't afford right now.