DH redundancy – help me get a handle on our finances

[DHneedstogetajob]

DH was made redundant out of the blue 9 months ago and hasn't yet found another job. He was the main earner, I work fewer hours which allows me to support our DC who has additional needs. We were never well off but we were comfortable and we don't have any dept (except for our mortgage, which is about £250k). We've been living off DH's redundancy pay-off, but it's about to run out and we're about 2 months away from being in serious trouble.

We pay for DD's education as she attends a specialist school. It's our biggest outgoing, currently costing over £2k per month, and the fees have just gone up due to VAT. DD doesn't have an EHCP as its was deemed she could 'cope' in mainstream school (I beg to differ). I know we're in a hugely privileged position to be able to pay for DD's school and I don't want to start a debate about this. We made the decision to only have one child and to fund her schooling when she was diagnosed aged 3.

DH seems to be having some sort of breakdown and I feel I've got to take charge to help keep us afloat. I've got a second job to help support us but as I work in a much lower paying industry than DH, we cannot survive on what I earn. I absolutely do not want to take DD out of her school and I'm going to talk to them about a bursary/temporary hardship help with the fees. I'm selling our car, have cut back on spending in absolutely any way I can think but I still can't make the figures work. We're (rightly) not entitled to any sort of benefits as we still have some of DH's redundancy money in the bank.

My question is, does anyone have any suggestions for anything I can do to keep us afloat until DH gets a job? I know there are people in far, far worse situations than this and I'm definitely not expecting sympathy, but I'm in a huge panic about how on earth we're going to cope and I can't see the wood for the trees. I'd really love some practical advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation. Thank you for reading.

Have you applied for child benefit if you don't get that already? It sounds like you'd definitely be entitled to it. DH needs to get UC and failing that, just a job in a bar or something to keep him busy and not sinking into a pit of despair. It's REALLY hard out there at the moment, there are almost no jobs. Hopefully things will pick up but it's not the time to wait around for the 'right' job at the moment.

Sorry @DHneedstogetajob, but sounds like you are really holding it together and prioritising your child which is righty.

Can I suggest in the interim you DH just takes a lower paying job. If he is quite senior he might find it easy to find something around the 40k - 50k band. He can continue looking and hopefully find something else quick enough. If he does it within 6 months, his notice period would be minimal (likely 2 weeks). He doesn’t need to put it on his LinkedIn or CV. The benefit is some wage is better than none and also after nine months out of work it might help him with his confidence.

Good luck x

DH needs to get a job. Any job. It’s really bollocks that he can’t get a lower paid one.

My friend was a Managing Director and got a job delivering parcels whilst he looked for other work around his previous level.

What county do you live in OP?
I’ve a child that attends a specialist school for dyslexia/dyspraxia that’s funded by the LA- after them telling me my child could cope in a mainstream- I got a private educational report completed that clearly stated that they couldn’t and the LA backed down.
is this something you can do?

I think there is a bit of snobbishness here that you and your DH don't see, but people reading his applications will notice like a flashing beacon.

I recruit for entry level roles at a University, and the number of PhD graduates who think they can just walk into a basic admin job is incredible; their applications are very ' I'll slum it in this job with you thickos whilst my career comes calling' . That kind of attitude wont do at any level.

He probably needs to put a paragraph in about his current circumstances, address the elephant in the room. State that the applied for role isn't his lifelong dream , but he will work hard and be reliable as he really needs the money.

There are definitely jobs out there to earn money, hospitality work especially ( bars, restaurants etc). It really is about how desperate you are for the money.

If your husband's CV landed on my desk, I'd probably have two concerns.

1. Why has he been out of work so long?
2. He's overqualified, so although he could do the job, I assume he'll be off as soon as something better comes along.

He needs to make sure his covering letter convincingly addresses both these points.

@Carrotsandgrapes is right. I'm a hiring middle manager and these questions come to mind often. It would take a few months of training to do a job in my team, it's then frustrating if the person finds their dream job and walks away and I have to restart the process. This actually happens more than I'd like as people see the company I work for as a step in to the industry.

DH seems to be having some sort of breakdown

@DHneedstogetajob seems to be or having one? If it's the latter, then that probably needs to be dealt with first as that may be the reason why he still hasn't found another job (assuming jobs are available in his industry).

If he’s senior 9 months out is not unusual. The higher you go the longer it can take.

Network and really tapping into his contacts is far better than recruiters. My question here is how is his MH manifesting? If he’s losing the plot, he needs help first

I have 2 CV's.

For a variety reasons I went from senior to not so senior - and I needed a different CV that did not sell all my abilities! I didn't lie, but rather than leading a project, I helped on a project and so on.

It got me in the door for the interviews I wouldn't have got otherwise for the more junior roles that I wanted/needed at the time. In your OH's case I would suggest something similar if he is struggling.

Regarding your budget, there probably are things you can slash (small things add up and all that) but you sound as though you are a few thousand short each month which is not going to go away until your husband finds something - anything - or you change your daughters school. Anything else is robbing Peter to pay Paul.

@DHneedstogetajob , if your DH is willing to take a contract role and be prepared to work away from home , he could get a job in no time. It could be a matter of days.

If you are not entitled to means tested benefits (I assume you mean UC) because of DH’s redundancy money, that must mean you have over £16k in savings/capital. If so, that doesn’t seem like you are 2 months away from serious trouble. Has DH looked at New Style JSA or New Style ESA? They aren't based on savings.

Request another EHCNA. Appeal if refused. The vast majority of appeals are successful.

Is the rate of DLA DD receives the right one or do you need to look at making a change of circumstance? If DD is receiving mid or high rate care, is DH claiming carer’s allowance?

i think the challenge with some of these very senior roles is that they are precarious and you always need a back up plan as redundancy or firing are often more common than lower down. the other challenge is the longer you’re out of work the harder it is to get back so I do think he needs to do something.

Nights or weekends might help and even doing 10/15 hours at minimum wage would plug a gap in the finances. Ultimately if you’re managed to get a second part time job, he does need to get something too.

You’re also sometimes quite de-skilled from the actual nuts and bolts of the work as you’re managing/ making policy decisions, but not actually doing the thing that makes the money.

We were in this position a couple of years ago. DH had to leave a director-level position, and finding a new senior-level job was a drawn-out process. We had a mortgage to take care of, plus we were supporting both DDs at university, paying rent for both of them. I was already working full time.

So DH took himself off to Sainsburys and got a job as an online grocery delivery driver - just as a stopgap, but it was the best thing he ever did. It was barely above minimum wage, but it just about kept the wolf from the door, and covered rent for the girls, meaning we didn't eat into savings quite so quickly. He took afternoon/evening shifts, leaving him plenty of time for job hunting and interviews.

Best of all, it was really good for his mental health - getting out, earning money, driving, physical work, meeting people. He really loved it, and Sainsburys were excellent employers too.

After about nine months he got a new job, and everything is fine now.

Where @Janie143 a 3 bed semi is £415+ in my area

so op is in a cheap area to me

We are in a very similar situation and it's very stressful. I feel for you. My partner has been out of work for ages and has had lots of interviews but never got the job. We are hanging on by the skin of our teeth but I'm not sure for how much longer. I would ask for a mortgage holiday, look forensically at your bills, food shopping can always be cut, any cc balance transfer to 0% and if no cc debt get one with the cheapest interest and use that for the incidentals out of your current account, gives you a months breathing space. Check your utilities, you don't have to pay by DD, you can pay the bill for the actual amount of gas and electric you use, if you have a credit balance with them ask for it back. Vinted for any bits and bobs you can sell. How about renting a room out to a student or Monday to Friday renting to someone?

I haven't read all the comments but here are some thoughts...

1. Mortgage holiday, though that only goes so far as you eventually have to start paying again.
2. Complete review and cut back of all expenses. This would include netflix etc... We have been living on the bare bones since I left my senior role last year and found it fine. We haven't made any increases in spend since I started picking up freelance work and we're happy as we have been.
3. Speak to school about a bursary
4. Appeal the EHCP; we're on our second appeal and it seems quite typical to need to go through a couple of rounds.
5. Rent out a room - do you live in an area where you can take in an international student? Lots of people I know do that and it is quite good money
6. Can your husband not freelance / consult? 9 months is very long to be out of work and it could get harder the longer it goes on but contracting can be quite well-paid. I haven't clocked what it is that your husband does but if he is senior then he has experience that others will pay for.
7. Can your husband look at other areas to get work in. I took on some proofreading and AI training work; not terribly well paid but very flexible and helped make ends meet when I was out of work. At this stage, he ought to be doing whatever is possible, though I appreciate that he is probably having a tough time mentally.
8. Is your husband looking into new style JSA; you can get that for 6 months non-means tested if you have been working prior. It's not a lot but it will cover a food shop and the internet, for example. It's why we pay NI.
9. Do you have anything knocking around that you could sell? As husband is off he has time to have a clear out. We did this - got rid of lots of gifts that we had never used and a ton of kids stuff and easily made a few hundred pound. Every penny will count.
10. Can you change jobs to a full-time one and your husband be the support for your daughter? Two part-time jobs are not always better than one better paid job, both from a taxation POV and a general juggling POV.

This is all very finger in the air; you haven't said what you do, what education you have (that can make the difference when it comes to retraining) or where you live which are salient points to understanding how best to help. I do find it hard to believe that a recruiter hasn't been able to help get temp work for a previously senior person but he might be very specialist / in an area with very few jobs. I get not wanting to take your child out of school - we are looking for a specialist school for my son and we will pay the fees no matter what, after our experience of state school dealing with an ND child. But, do start to look at state provision as food will have to come first at some point if you need a dual income and it isn't happening. Good luck - it sounds really stressful.

How old is he? Is it plausible for him to sell himself as someone who is permanently stepping back from his career? That might help him get past some of the issues around people not wanting to employ him if he's only looking for a stop-gap.

Exactly this. If you think you are getting knocked back because you are over qualified and people think you are only applying as a stop gap, your CV is wrong. You need to tailor your approach for a junior role as well as a senior one. If you are looking for a supermarket role, highlight that you are good with people, have good customer service skills etc.

Hi OP,

It sounds really tough and you absolutely do deserve sympathy. Just because there are worse off in the world doesn't mean your concerns aren't legitimate and what you are going through matters.

I think you are doing the right thing by looking ahead and making adjustments now. Definitely talk to school and mortgage provider about flexibility.

I'd also do a sweep of all other spending. It's amazing how it all adds up, but cancelling magazine subscriptions, cable tv etc..... switch your shopping from Tesco to Aldi etc.... Shop around for gas/electricity etc provider to be sure you're paying the most competitive prices. If you are selling car make sure you cancel all other costs and get refunds on anything you can (road tax, car insurance etc). .....it can add up, and it can also just help mentally signal a change.

With your DH, of course keep an eye on his health and be empathetic, but I'd also keep it pretty practical. He doesn't have the luxury right now to decide he's too 'down' to think about it. Give him calm firm instructions etc if he needs then, but make him part of the solution. He doesn't get to sit this out, unless he's truly truly unwell.

In addition to the advise already given - your Dh needs to also get help for his mental health. You said he has had a breakdown? If so he is not going to come across well when interviewing.

On the other hand if he has had a breakdown, he is not going to be able to interview anyway. So could it be that he is feeling very stressed and pressurised?

In any case encourage him to get support.

As for work- he needs to hunt high and low. I understand that getting any job is not that simple as people know he will leave once he gets a job that suits him. Also consider work in all parts of the country and even abroad. Neexs must.

Do you have equity in your home? You may be able go release some?

Look at the Mortgage Charter, it gives you 6 months break from the mortgage.
Burseries for school.
DH can do delivery work while be looks for another job.

I need to look at moving myself then, a three bed semi is about 750k here :((( so renting atm.

My son has only just turned 5 and managed to get an ehcp straight away - he’s currently in mainstream. He’s not even got a diagnosis yet (suspected autism and adhd). Surely if the child’s needs are bad enough to be in a specialist school then an ehcp would be given.