DH redundancy – help me get a handle on our finances

[DHneedstogetajob]

DH was made redundant out of the blue 9 months ago and hasn't yet found another job. He was the main earner, I work fewer hours which allows me to support our DC who has additional needs. We were never well off but we were comfortable and we don't have any dept (except for our mortgage, which is about £250k). We've been living off DH's redundancy pay-off, but it's about to run out and we're about 2 months away from being in serious trouble.

We pay for DD's education as she attends a specialist school. It's our biggest outgoing, currently costing over £2k per month, and the fees have just gone up due to VAT. DD doesn't have an EHCP as its was deemed she could 'cope' in mainstream school (I beg to differ). I know we're in a hugely privileged position to be able to pay for DD's school and I don't want to start a debate about this. We made the decision to only have one child and to fund her schooling when she was diagnosed aged 3.

DH seems to be having some sort of breakdown and I feel I've got to take charge to help keep us afloat. I've got a second job to help support us but as I work in a much lower paying industry than DH, we cannot survive on what I earn. I absolutely do not want to take DD out of her school and I'm going to talk to them about a bursary/temporary hardship help with the fees. I'm selling our car, have cut back on spending in absolutely any way I can think but I still can't make the figures work. We're (rightly) not entitled to any sort of benefits as we still have some of DH's redundancy money in the bank.

My question is, does anyone have any suggestions for anything I can do to keep us afloat until DH gets a job? I know there are people in far, far worse situations than this and I'm definitely not expecting sympathy, but I'm in a huge panic about how on earth we're going to cope and I can't see the wood for the trees. I'd really love some practical advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation. Thank you for reading.

In the short term you can look into a mortgage holiday and bursaries for the school fees.

However, your husband needs to start doing something to earn some money fast. If he’s focusing on finding a job in his field during the day, he can take up delivery driving or uber or in the evenings/weekends. That will take some of the pressure off you and hopefully help with his mental health. It’s not fair that you’re under so much stress and working two jobs.

Sorry my post seemed harsh as I can't edit, I didn't mean to sound so mean!

Can you go interest only on your mortgage for a while. ?
If you qualify for UC, UC will also loan you these payments (up to 200k I think )

All the best !

Talk to your mortgage lender, you might be able to change to interest only for a fixed period of time. I know someone who has fine this and whilst not paying off the capital she us saving nearly £900 per month till she is on her feet again.

It’s too late now, but for anyone reading this in a similar position you need to run two job hunts with different CVs from the day you find out you’re being terminated.
Your career hunt, and your ‘Saturday job’ hunt. This is why finding part time work is so important, as it can reduce your cash burn rate. That coupled with some simple lifestyle tweaks can make a huge difference.

Is your DH's mental health crisis due to ego hurt at not getting another job quickly? That sounds unkind, I know, but I've seen redundancy hit people in this way. They go down and drag their family with them. If it is, he needs a kick up the arse to go get any job in the time being. Care work, bar staff, cleaning, agency factory or driving, cleaning - all pretty easy to get unless you are somewhere extremely remote.

Don't be financially ruined by pandering to ego. My ex got 2 weeks to feel sorry for himself and moan about lack of jobs in his field, we had a firm talk, 2 days later he was packing boxes at a factory on night shift till he found his next real role.

I don't know of anyone has mentioned it but while dh not working could he claim to be dd's carer? I can't remember how much it pays x

Being made redundant and not able to find a replacement job in your chosen career can be mentally tough, so I can understand why your DH is suffering with his mental health at the moment. But in that case, he needs to seek medical help, and get a job doing anything, just to plug the gap in the meantime. It's essential for your family, and it might help with his mental health to feel he is contributing where he can. He'll surely feel even worse if you lose the house, or have to take your child out of their school.

When my DH was made redundant, he got a job stuffing envelopes for a few months while he looked for something else. He actually quite enjoyed it - low stress, no pressure. I think he was quite sorry to leave!

It can also improve your mental health, and stop you appearing to desperate to 'real' job employers. I've always tried to keep the second job fun- I usually pick them up quite easily, and have done them when I am single (as well as between jobs) just for extra cash.

Other options that can be good - National Trust ticket office (not many jobs, because of the volunteers, but some), clothes shops on the high street, garden centres, pet shops. Personally I'd steer clear of cafes or bar work, but I know some people enjoy it.

Where is your husband looking for work? Are there job websites he hasn't considered? Sectors / industries / companies he hasn't considered? Is he looking for a specific type of job or could he try doing something else using any transferable skills?

Websites he could try include: charityjobs, civil service jobs, indeed, guardian jobs, jobs.ac.uk (university jobs), work4mp (government/policy jobs), and a whole lot more websites - he could speak to a careers adviser as they'd recommend more job websites and help him update and tailor his CV for specific jobs as its not good advice to send out the same CV to every job.

DH can claim carers allowance for your daughter - it's not a huge amount but every little helps.

Is your mortgage repayment ? Could you swop for a while to interest only ?

I think a 'career path' may be one of the luxuries the DH can no longer afford.

@DHneedstogetajob when you speak to your mortgage provider don't just ask about a mortgage holiday but also explore a) extending your mortgage term b) switching to interest only for 6 months... they would both be courses of action which would reduce the pressure.

You can downsize and release capital.

There is a huge difference between a genuine MH crisis and wallowing because you can't find a job you deem suitable.

You working two jobs and taking control is enabling him to wallow in these self made feelings of inadequacy. Take control by giving him a kick up the arse.

I've been there, it is soul destroying being made redundant and job hunting is not easy. I ended up in a job for just over half the salary and worked my way up again in internal roles/project opportunities.

9 months is long enough to prove he is doesn't have the right approach. He, not you, needs to take action spread his net wider, and lower, start earning again and rebuild his self esteem.

In the long term though it is the best option - taking a job different to this (minimum wage) will impact the family for a lot longer financially, including mortgage renewal time.

Whilst the "right here, right now" situation is important it's important to focus on longer term as well.

Secondly, minimum wage jobs were so difficult for me - I was knocked back from all of them for being over qualified and the organisations knowing full well from my CV that I had no intention to stay there long term.

If DD gets middle or higher rate DLA he may be eligible for carer's allowance of just over £80 a week.

I might be going against the grain a bit here but if possible I'd not push DH into 'any job' as this can seriously damage a career and could hugely impact the rest of your working life and tbh if he is quite senior it will actually be hard for him to get 'any job', places won't employ someone like DH as they know it's a v.temporary stop gap. Obviously if in the next few months nothing happens, he will have to change tact. Can he get freelance or contracting work?

My DH has been made redundant and we've had this exact battle but we are trying to think long term - no one at Tesco is going to employ my DH who is very senior and has been on a high wage, it just won't happen - we have cut out all unnecessary expenditure and even 'nice haves' and this is going to sound harsh but your DD's schooling at this point is a 'nice have'. If you can't get a temp hardship freezing of fees or similar you must move her into a state school.

Your DH should be helping you work through all of this too, not saying he isn't but just making sure you have support as it's not your problem alone. Good luck, it's not easy, I am living through this myself.

I realise you have said a couple of times that your DD won't get an EHCP, but most people who apply for one get it refused at least once. If she has genuine need you should try to get her current school named on her EHCP and have the LA fund it. Get support from IPSEA. At the very least, look at their template letters, but lots more support is available.

Perhaps your DH could make this his mission while he also focuses on stabilising his mental health so he can get a job that suits him.

If your H just goes and gets any old job it doesn't mean he has to stay in that job -

In the long term though it is the best option - taking a job different to this (minimum wage) will impact the family for a lot longer financially, including mortgage renewal time.

You mean it won't look good on his CV to prospective employers in his field, if he does, say, care or bar work? If so then I think you're wrong. What is really bad is having a long gap of no work and likely one reason he's struggling to get work in his field.

@bluegreen89 I do kind of agree with that too - if you have been in senior job quite often you won't get 'any old job' as they know full well you will leave - old fashioned temping can work though - if it still exists

@Crikeyalmighty Temping is similar to be honest, my DH has explored all of this, he can't even get more junior roles in his industry. It's really tough but just wanted to add another dimension to the 'just get a job' brigade (not you) in these comments as it really is not that black and white!

I agree, and have experience of this... it's not always a good plan, particularly for people who have senior/niche professional roles.

It's also difficult to explain in interview when they ask for a reference from your most recent employer which you can't hide due to your P45 forms... it makes for difficult conversations as to why you were in the position you had to take any old job.

Speak to the bank and the school.

If you got a mortgage holiday and a hardship payment from the school you’d be fine.

Your OH needs to do something (anything!) to bring home some money. He cannot simply sit there and look for a professional job. Doesn’t work like that.