How will I manage as an older single person once kids have left

[Dogmam9273]

I'm currently married with two teens. Wanting to separate but have felt trapped financially and with the kids as I couldn't have provided for them if i was single as I earn minimum wage, husband a high earner.
Very soon I will file for divorce, won't get any money out of it as we have hardly any savings but i will be able to buy a small apartment /house outright so will be mortgage free.
I work full time on minimum wage, can't see this ever changing, if anything i need to work less. I have chronic painful conditions , depression and anxiety (although that may go away once apart from husband) I have 2 elderly parents that I will be caring for as I'm an only child.
I know I can claim UC whilst children are with me /in education but what about when they are adults?
My income is £1500 which won't cover my outgoings or enable me to live any kind of life that I desperately crave. I feel so trapped and can't see a way out of my situation.
How do older single people manage financially? Especially if they have health conditions?

Be really careful of any management charge in a flat, you may be better in a tiny house you own outright.

To be clear, Op, I think you can do it on 1500 if you are mortgage free but are pretty careful, however it may be tricky at times!

I would be wary of buying a property that comes with any sort of management charge or significant council tax bill that is outside of your control. So when you do split, plan to buy something that allows you to live within your means and invest anything else so you can get a return and supplement your pension in due course.

OP if your STBXH is a high earner and you are not, plus you have limiting health conditions, it is possible you will get more than 50% of joint assets (house equity, pensions, savings). You will need to live carefully ofc but it's doable if you are careful about the property you buy and you budget carefully. You could take in a lodger in your new home which would provide extra funds too. Get some legal advice so you have a realistic idea of what your future might look like financially.

Essentials:
£340 - rent
£70 - utilities
£100 - food
£60 - petrol
£35 - car insurance (but I pay yearly)
£50 put aside for car maintenance
Total essentials = £655
I try to save >£300 per month towards potential house deposit in future. (But will put in anything left over at the end of the month)
So leaves £545 for luxuries.
When I book holidays I will go on skyscanner and go to wherever has cheap flight. If I go solo I’ll stay in hostels to meet people and save money; if travelling with partner/friend we’ll get a cheap Airbnb and split the costs. I prioritise spending on travel over other things so this year had a long weekend in Bratislava and Budapest ~£300, weekend in York (camping) ~£150, five days in Paris ~£400, week in Greece £440. (These costs are for travel, activities and accommodation, food would be extra). So split across the year that’s £110 per month towards travel.
I mostly buy clothes second hand so spend maybe £20 per month on clothes.
Probably £50 per month across the year on gifts.
£30 per month charity.
£20 subscriptions (Amazon and Spotify).
2/3 meals out a month ~£80.
Trip to London maybe once every 2/3 months at £70 each (travel and activity) so £28 on that per month.
£50 per month on hobbies - occasional swim/tennis £6 each; craft supplies, books.
So still left with £157 to spend on anything else. And I’ve been generous with a lot of these estimates.

£1500 a month isn't a lot to live on if you've got two kids at home - my food bill for me and two teens is half of that - but you'll also be entitled to child maintenance from your ex (which should be a decent amount if he's a high earner) plus child benefit (£170) for two kids. Plus you'd get half his pension and at least half of any equity in the house. And once the kids have gone, your costs will reduce considerably, especially if you have a flat rather than a house.

As someone who separated a couple of years ago, and also worries about the future, it's still the right thing to do, far better to be living alone than stuck in an unhappy marriage. I love having my own house, even though it's a lot smaller than I had while married. Having my own space and not feeling it all full of tension and unspoken arguments is just bliss. Good luck - and get some good pension advice, you can get it for free if you're over 50 - but I promise you'll be fine.

You are just panicking at the life changes op. It sounds like you will be fine, as people have already pointed out. Dont martyr yourself to your parents either, you have choices. Take care of your own health first and look forward to enjoying a new lease of life when it comes.

I think one of the main effects of divorce is that you won't be having the life/retirement you thought you were going to have. It take a while to get used to that. My life is very different post divorce to the life I thought I'd have (and my retirement will be too). So OP will need to adjust to that.

The financial implications of divorce are very real. So yes, she might have £1500 a month to live on, but if she's been living on £10k a month, again that'll take some time to get used to. At the start it's also scary to think you only you will be facing retirement and old age alone.

OP you need to get legal advice before you start panicking. As other posters have said, you might be entitled to his pension. Start collating all the evidence you can now of any savings, investments, pensions etc.

How on earth do you rent anywhere for £340?
Is this a private tenancy or council?
Are you in the back of beyond?

I don't know of anyone paying less than £800 a month even for a small house /flat in the north.

You've not listed council tax.

Are you living in a room in a shared house or flat with young people? You're paying less than £90 a week and no council tax.

Those are your essentials a month?! Crikey. My bills for all of that are at least twice what you're paying. And how do you live off £100 food a month?! I last spent £25 a week on food when I was a student in the 90s!

ETA: The more I look at that list, the more I'm thinking 'hmmm.' Three meals out a month for under £80 - are you only ever eating out at Wetherspoons?

Don’t have the heating on much to save money, run washing machine overnight etc.
Im a student so no council tax.
I shop in Lidl and am vegan so food is very cheap. Bulk buy pasta/rice, protein comes from lentils/beans etc so super cheap, veggies aren’t expensive. Don’t drink alcohol (only really drink tap water).
Obviously I have some costs which would be higher for other people, but I feel like I live a very luxurious lifestyle with plenty left over for savings. I am frugal in some areas because I would rather spend money on experiences / travel.

My general bills that also include DDs usage
Broadband £40
Water £70
Electricity and gas £100
Council tax £100
Phone £9
Petrol £40 - probably less than £10 without running DD about
Food - probably £100 a month for one person but probably less if meal planning and freezing excess portions.

+Insurances, MOT etc which I spread over the year. More than affordable on £1500

I was being generous for the eating out!
I feel like £28 per meal is loads! Maybe because I don’t drink. But that would more than cover a starter and a main even in more expensive restaurants. In wagamama I could get gyoza, edamame, katsu curry and a miso soup.

Im a student so no council tax.

So your situation is nothing like the middle aged woman here.

You've still not said what kind of accommodation you're in.

As a student is this a uni hall, or a shared house?

You've been a bit disingenuous really, only adding now that you're a student and presumably in shared accommodation.

Yeah but as she wouldn’t have a mortgage I feel like the amount I spend on rent would go towards council tax, home maintenance etc.

Different people are different shocker.

You sound so petty. She may be used to spending more than you and is therefore anxious about the unknown, doesn't make her "extravagant." She is not a single person rn and is used to high expenses.

You just want to glorify your own toughness and frugality by talking down to OP. Not helpful is it.

Yeah I do those things too, still have much higher bills. Have shopped around for the cheapest providers. Have budgeting apps. Am a vegetarian who can cook! You say you're a student - are you're paying for a room in a shared house with shared bills? I can't understand how they'd be so low otherwise, including the rent.

@CherryKefir student accommodation these days is often crazy expensive tbf.

If you read the thread title, you can surely see that your situation is not the same at all.

You also clearly have no idea of rents or other outgoings that apply to adults not living as a student.

And- it's very clear- you have avoided saying what you live in even though I've asked several times.

That's very strange.

OP, it's really worth looking into what things cost as a single person.

On the food cost, we literally live on £25 each a month - I don't spend more than £200pm on food and basic cleaning supplies - there's two of us, and DD stays two nights a week.

Our gas and electric are approx £110pm, but there's 2/3 of us and we're in a converted four bed bungalow, so it'd be less for you.

Do you think you could find somewhere within walking distance of work maybe on a bus service. If so, you might be able to dispense with a car and hire one occasionally if really needed.

Our income is £2600pm, we don't have a mortgage and that pays all the bills on a larger home than you'll have, runs one car, obviously spending for two (DH is always buying something extra we don't really need which costs £50-100pm), we save approx £500pm, eat out 2-3x a month and have been away a few times this year - log cabin break, Liverpool weekend break, Krakow 4 nights and camping 4 nights. We spend approx £75pm on gym membership and exercise classes. The latter treats would obviously be cheaper for two. Oh, and we have two spoilt cats to feed and vets bills. We're not interested in high end things, but could still easily cut back on the cost of things we buy, ie we bought a new tv and could have bought a cheaper one.

She's paying £85 a week.

You always get the competitive frugality on threads like this - and then in other corners of Mumsnet, people are spending £150 on a 'cheap' dress. It's a strange place sometimes!

On the food cost, we literally live on £25 each a month

Is this a typo?

You spend £50 a month on food for 2 people?

I live in a two bed house with my partner so split utilities (but assuming she would have a smaller house). We live in a semi-rural area so rents are quite cheap.

This is a drip feed if ever there was one 😂
So the rent is £340 each?