Renting while parents own over £1.4million in property

[Emmav2020]

Just after peoples thoughts. So myself and OH pay £1000 in rent a month aswell as having 2 kids and paying a fortune in childcare. My parents own the above amount in property. Now while ive spend over £50,400 paying rent i was thinking and kind of got myself annoyed that my parents are sat on that kind of money while im still renting. Even if they gave me a small deposit i would be forever grateful just so we can get ourselves a mortgage and onto the property ladder. my sister was given a hefty chunk my her in-laws to buy a house so shes find.
I mean we have save a bit ourselves but its nowhere near what we need
Would you be annoyed or do i have no right in thinking they could help us just a little.

are you a detective!? photographic memory??

So you want them to donate a room to you, or something? What part of 'having an expensive house (or multiple properties)' means 'I've got money to throw around'? Often an expensive home means you have less to spare!

Is it mortgaged?

Whether they have £1 or £10m, you can’t expect to be bailed out. Maybe they are waiting for you to get your finger out and make your own way?

But are they sitting on a pile of cash or simply living in their house that they have spent 25 years paying for?

I have a high value house (not that high).

I love my DS and will continue to help him as I have for the last 16 years. There will always be a home here for him if he needs it. But I won't be selling my home to give him a deposit when he's perfectly capable of saving his own money.

I've given him a great education and good values/work ethic. He is fit & healthy. I expect it to do it for himself.

Oh didn't see this. I get the impression you want to rent their house for free?

I'm in a position where I could help DC with deposits and I may well do at some point in the future, but atm I'm not inclined to for the following reasons:

• they're unmarried. maybe marriage isn't for everyone, but if they're not committed enough to each other to marry, I'm not sure why I should commit my money to that realtionship - I'd have to assume "we'd" lose half if they split, which could of course happen after a wedding, but it's the attitude.
• I haven't really seen them making an effort to save themselves. I know it's not all about lattes and Netflix, but when DH and I were saving for our first home we really didn't do anything. Our first holiday together was 3 days in Dover, whereas they seem to think they should be able to have trips like that regularly, as well as "proper" holidays. Their choice if that's how they want to spend their money, but if they'd like help from me I'd like to see them help themselves too.
• There's huge satisfaction in knowing you've worked for what you have, I'm not sure it really does anyone much good to have a lot of financial help, especially early on.

Not enough details to judge.
Round here 1.4m only buys you a fairly standard 3/4 bed, so expecting them to sell their family home, and then presumably move to the other end of the country where its cheaper is unreasonable.

No it isnt,both my husband and I received zero inheritance or hand outs and we never will. Both lots of parents were independently wealthy. We made our own way and have done well,and nobody bailed us out, it means so much more than a hand out too.

Advanced search often throws up interesting results!

The house is only worth £1.4M if they sell it, it doesn't mean they have that amount in the bank.

Can you move somewhere cheaper and save the spare for a deposit?
I do think the expectation that your parent's should fund your property quite cheeky really.

Yep. Weight loss drugs and puppies too.

I’m also ‘sitting’ on a 1.5 mill house! It still has quite a big mortgage. I’ve put three kids through uni, have one more to go( not sure it will be uni, but whatever, I’m sure it will cost me some!) All 4 of mine have had driving licenses on me, and small second hand cars, insurance, I’ve paid phone tariffs etc…. When we go on holiday, I offer, sometimes they accept, sometimes not.
From my point of view, I’ve done all I can to help my children get to a place in life where they’re self sufficient. I can’t give them a deposit without selling the family home. They certainly don’t expect it. They know they’ve had help that others haven’t. They also know how hard we work.
I would honestly be really upset if one of my children asked me for anything. ( They never have)
I think UABU op

Our family home is worth about £1.4 million. Our plan is to pay uni fees for our DC so they don't emerge with massive debts, but after that they need to get a job and support themselves. If they're struggling they are always welcome back in our house. But we really need to keep it as an asset, in the event that we live to be 100 and need to fund care for ourselves. If we don't, they inherit it. Are your parents in a similar situation?

My in laws are millionaires (multi million pound homes) and we rent as a family of 5. It is very annoying especially as my mother in law expects us to do it all on our own as she did (forgetting her own father bought her a flat in central london when she was my husbands age which she later sold for a big big pay day that bought her a 4 bedroom house in Fulham). With that said, we are doing it on our own and I’m just going to preserve the relationship as they love my grand children and we aren’t entitled to anything they have.

Yeah so the giver has no legal protection and the receiver isn't legally obligated to pay it back, but some people might have informal agreements and pay it back regardless!

I don’t know your details but broadly I agree with you. My parents have multi millions in property - about 10 rental properties worth about £3-4million combined and their own property worth about £15 million.

we are struggling big time with our property and trying to buy a bigger house and they wouldn’t dream of helping. They just don’t think it’s their responsibility, which I understand, but I really don’t get how they can have such a vast excess and relatively little would make a big difference to our lifestyle eg seeing our children more rather than being at work.

YABU. You're adults. Sort yourselves out..

Any comment on the thread about you living in a house they own OP? It sounds like you’re suggesting they give you a house. If that’s the case just come out and ask them.

Would not have occured to me to do that! Is that something you do often out of interest? Or just on random aibu posts? (I say this with genuine curiosity!)

My parents own multiple properties and just bought a flat for my sibling and I’m still renting. Such is life

Sometimes a name, situation or turn of phrase will seem familiar. I don't make a habit of it but it goes to show how much of a situation people don't actually put in their OP!

As a parent of four. I cannot imagine not treating them equally. ( special needs aside)

OP do you mean they own rental homes or holiday lets? Or do you mean their only home - the house they live in - is worth 1.4 million?

If the former, I can understand you. In that situation I'd help my DC buy a home with a gifted deposit or at least let them live in the second home at a reduced rent to allow them to save more to buy.

If the latter, it's their only home and I'm assuming they live in a part of the UK where, through no fault of their own, property prices have been inflated by terrible policies of previous governments both Tory and Labour, to the detriment of local communities. Where would they live if they sold up?

Presumably they're not young and likely settled in the community. It's hugely stressful moving home at any age but particularly when older. Physically hard too, and moving somewhere cheaper would mean moving away from support, family, and friends, which would affect their physical and mental health. There's also a shortage in some parts of the country of suitable homes for them to downsize to especially if they might need accessible housing in later life. (Downsizing also takes the limited pool of smaller homes away from single people - who also pay tax and have the right to decent housing).

Maybe you're thinking of equity release? However that could affect their ability to pay for any future care needs.

I think you can treat them equally but differently rhough. Ds1 has had a car, ds2 is showing no inclination to learn to drive. I know I "owe" him a car or equivalent and he'll get it at some point, but I'm not about to hand over thousands in cash for him to fritter.

The same with house deposits, if I decide to do that, it's unlikely there'll both need/be ready for it at the same time.

Good question.