Renting while parents own over £1.4million in property

[Emmav2020]

Just after peoples thoughts. So myself and OH pay £1000 in rent a month aswell as having 2 kids and paying a fortune in childcare. My parents own the above amount in property. Now while ive spend over £50,400 paying rent i was thinking and kind of got myself annoyed that my parents are sat on that kind of money while im still renting. Even if they gave me a small deposit i would be forever grateful just so we can get ourselves a mortgage and onto the property ladder. my sister was given a hefty chunk my her in-laws to buy a house so shes find.
I mean we have save a bit ourselves but its nowhere near what we need
Would you be annoyed or do i have no right in thinking they could help us just a little.

We did the same for our daughter but she knows despite what we legally wrote down it is, and always was, a loan to help her get on the ladder.

the family agreement we have is that she could borrow it for ten years interest free and after that time if she hadn’t got a partner and bought together she would remortgage and pay us back. It was a significant amount which she couldn’t have got on the ladder without, despite saving over 20k herself.

Now four years down the line she’s engaged and her fiancé has his own flat, they will sell both and buy together after the wedding, when we will be repaid.

I always think it's grabby - and grubby - to expect such large amounts before the death of parents (and even after TBH). Maybe they don't want to downsize or move to free up cash to give to you.

You are a two income adult household you have to take responsibility for your own financial choices

My parents have a lot more money than I do (single parent, average job, live in an expensive area). In no way do I feel they should be giving me handouts - I am a grown adult and I expect to provide for myself.

I agree that owning and having are two very different things.

If their money is tied up in property then I think it's really unreasonable of you to expect them to sell some to give you cash. Do you have siblings? If they give to you, they'll have to give to you all.

If you know they are sitting on a lot of money in savings then maybe you could ask for a loan or to potentially free up your inheritance early but I do think it's unreasonable to expect to just be given a deposit.

Maybe stop,going on holiday, and save for the deposit? It's not their responsibility to house you, but maybe if you stoppped going away, they would realise you were serious about wanting to get somewhere. Can you afford to buy where you are?

1. Your parents might not spend any time thinking about you and your finances. It would be a bit rude, wouldn’t it for them to be thinking you need a handout.
2. If you save a deposit, and want to buy, you could ask them for a loan … with terms and strings.
3. This £1.3 is likely a part of their “retirement”. Liquidating & giving to you has tax consequences etc.

This is 100% normal situation for many parents, they’ve invested for their futures, not for your future!
They could live to be 100, might get disabled, etc etc.

It’s certainly taken you a long time to realise should be saving & buying.

Grow up

We are freeing up money to help our DC get on the property ladder. Large deposits and I would downsize to do this if I couldn't afford it. YANBU

Sorry but can't get on board with the level of entitlement here. We have some wealthy family members too but saved our own deposit through hard graft and also pay childcare with no support/babysitting days from grandparents/family.
Your parents have worked hard for their money and probably spent time trying to teach you the same work ethic - from there their job is done.
I'm worried that your perspective here (if you don't change it) will only sour your relationship with them.

Have you asked them for one?

If they lent you / gave you the money then what would happen if they need money themselves to be able to live / enjoy retirement/ etc etc
You don't know what their financial situation is .
I would not expect money from my parents

I think If my children grow up to expect me to pay for their house I might revoke their trust funds. I will help them but I wouldn’t if they felt entitled to it.

Where do you expect them to get this money from to give you. Remortgage their house? Sell it?

Personally I see no issue in renting. I rented for years and my parents gave me nothing. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I am proud of standing on my own feet and I find the level of entitlement on MN incredible sometimes.

I'm not really sure what you want though. Are you saying they should sell their house and give you some of the money to get on the housing ladder.

Not everyone in a expensive house is cash rich.

I think your parents should be helping you and should want to help you.

Things aren't the same in this generation. Home ownership has become ridiculously outpaced with wages and the CoL.

There is no longer any real meritocracy. The social ladder has been set on fire and few can still navigate it. Like it or not we are back to being an inheriotocracy.

Previous generations have helped facilitate this. They have closed the door behind them. It's going to become worse with Gen Z, ironically 'The Fair Generation' where if you don't inherit, you are fucked, and the gap between the haves and have nots will be unbridgeable.

Yes, parents who can help, should, and I don't understand the not wanting to.

I think it's disgraceful to expect rent from your child when you are sitting pretty (if you're poor, very well). That £1000 is being deducted from your DGC future education spend.

I would say that tax-minded parents will accelerate the transfer of their wealth, rather than die with it in their estate attracting hefty inheritance tax.

So OP may very well get her money sooner rather than later under a Labour government.

The gift only avoids inheritance tax if the parents live for more than 7 years after the gift, hence the need to start the clock ticking.

Not sure if OP's parents are the sort to care whether it is the HMRC or their dcs who get their wealth on death.

At they mortgage free? Even if they are, it doesn't mean they have a cash lump sum to give you unless they sell. If it's their family home that's worth than much essentially tote asking them to sell that and downsize. I get why they wouldn't want to do that.

What a bizarre post!
Op’s parents are helping her with subsidised rent.
To frame this nominal amount as the grandparents stealing from op’s children’s future education fund is jaw droppingly entitled nonsense.
Why shouldn’t op take responsibility for housing her family?!

I can't believe that you still expect support from parents when you're a grown adult living independently and you've made the decision to have children of your own. As other people have said, without knowing if your parents own just one property which is their home, or additional properties which they rent out, it's much more difficult to comment. But there are many parts of London, for example, where that much wouldn't buy you much more than a nice 3/4 bed semi and I can imagine what my response would be if my daughter suggested we should downsize to help her out.

It was your choice to start a family - you could have done what I did and wait until you were a bit older and able to buy your own house before having children. Like many other people, we worked hard renovating previous properties to enable us to buy the house we live in now, which was a total wreck when we first moved in. We went without holidays, meals out, new clothes and new cars for years when we decided to finally have a child, and didn't have a second one because we couldn't afford it. The last thing either of us would ever have done was expect to sponge off our parents.

I wouldn't expect my parents or anyone else to help fund me a house.

Now while ive spend over £50,400 paying rent i was thinking and kind of got myself annoyed that my parents are sat on that kind of money while im still renting.

When you say they're 'sat on' valuable property, do you mean that their home is worth a large amount or that they also have rental property that gives them income? In either case, why do think you should be getting your hands on it?

Possibly the OP’s parents are building up the rent paid towards a deposit on the house! That would be a nice surprise

So OP is renting from her parents?

Impossible to say without more information:

How old are your parents?
What sort of pension provision do they have?
How old are you and yiur DP and are you both hard workers?
How old are the children?
Is the £1.4m in one house, their home or in a variety of properties and will they depend on rents for pension income later?

Too many variables to comment @Emmav2020.