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Original poster

DP wants home ownership but not a mortgage

621 replies

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 18:43

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 03/07/2024 20:38

Dont do it.

He borrows money for what he wants to own. End of.

honeyrider · 03/07/2024 20:39

He thinks you're stupid enough to go along with it and you would be very stupid to even consider it. Keep your assets separate.

Mouswife · 03/07/2024 20:40

Hell no: don’t do this . Massive mistake to do this.

Witchbitch20 · 03/07/2024 20:40

Haahahahahaha.

No

Alicewinn · 03/07/2024 20:41

People with a distrust of authority for example banks, borrowing, covid vaccinations etc are usually still children. Tell him he needs to be a grown up now as you are not his Mommy

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 03/07/2024 20:41

LizzieBennett73 · 03/07/2024 20:14

I'd be incredibly wary of someone who claims to earn £80k and has no savings or assets to show for it....

Exactly, and he has only been paying £600 for rent for the past 3 years so where is the rest of his income going?

BabyFedUp445 · 03/07/2024 20:42

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:43

He can get a mortgage because I’ve seen the mortgage in principle. He just doesn’t want it. Can I ask if your future partners have been cool about you never wanting to become financially intertwined?

Show quote history

@Maplelady my current DP and I do not own anything together, been together 6 years. We live in my house, he rents his out. Never been an issue. We are looking at buying something together in a few years so that we can go bigger but we agreed it will be very much 50/50.

AlwaysGinPlease · 03/07/2024 20:42

Not only would I say no but I'd dump him too. What a CF!

Rosscameasdoody · 03/07/2024 20:43

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:07

I think this is it. He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

Show quote history

It will only be a matter of time before he suggests missing payments to you so that he can support the business, and if he owns part of the home you live in what’s to stop him using this as equity for business loans etc ? Have a look at the number of MN threads from OP’s whose partners have exactly that behind their backs and they’ve ended up losing everything. Big. Red. Flag. Huge.

anothernewstart9 · 03/07/2024 20:43

AuntieJoyce · 03/07/2024 18:50

If he’s not happy borrowing then why is he happy borrowing from you? The answer is that if anything happens, he thinks he won’t pay you back.

This!

gardenmusic · 03/07/2024 20:44

'If he misses a payment the next month he has to pay a extra 10 or 20 % to cover the 'late payment fee' that the bank would charge if it was a mortgage.
On top of this he has to of course still pay his share of the household expenses, holidays , meals out etc .'

Sounds ok in theory, trouble is, there is no 'must' about it. It's all wishful thinking.

Skyrainlight · 03/07/2024 20:44

JustAnotherSexStarvedHusband · 03/07/2024 20:00

Like, I can see what he's trying to do here. You've been together three years, so it's not like he's randomly burst on to the scene. It's difficult because you may be starting to get to the stage where you feel his money is your money, but also you don't want to jeopardise the financial security you've built for yourself.

On the one hand, him owing you money instead of the bank, makes complete sense, because interest rates as we all know are eye watering at the moment. Over years, the amount he would be saving, would be huge.

But as you're a couple, wouldn't you both be saving that money?

On the other hand though, if and when you separate in future, this all makes for a very difficult situation to unpick.

I don't agree with the kneejerkers telling you to immediately dump him. By that logic, you should only ever start a relationship in future with somebody who also already owns their own property.

What utter rubbish. She doesn't feel she needs someone who owns their own property. She just doesn't want someone to use her and put her at risk when she is completely fine with the situation as is, it's her partner that has the issue, which is odd since he is paying a pittance and should be able to save loads if he doesn't want to get a mortgage it's a great opportunity to save.

"It's difficult because you may be starting to get to the stage where you feel his money is your money," Um, I think you will find it's the partner that is starting to think her money is his an not the other way around.

Honestly, it always worries me when men come on here trying to twist the situation to a man's benefit especially when said man has a user name like JustAnotherSexStarvedHusband

HellonHeels · 03/07/2024 20:44

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:07

I think this is it. He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

Show quote history

Wow that's jaw dropping really. I'd be put right off him.

Do you really want to be in a relationship with him? I can't see the appeal.

gardenmusic · 03/07/2024 20:46

Honestly, it always worries me when men come on here trying to twist the situation to a man's benefit especially when said man has a user name like JustAnotherSexStarvedHusband

And can spell misogynist!

NC10125 · 03/07/2024 20:46

If he doesn’t want a mortgage I think that I would encourage him to save.

He can live in your house as a tennant for now and save. When he has enough to pay for half a house then you can buy half a house each and become joint owners.

Alternatively, if he wants to live in a new house now, then he can change his mind, get a mortgage, and pay for half a house.

Third option, he can approach parents, family etc to ask for a loan. And buy half a house.

What he can’t do is own half of a house that you’ve bought and paid for- that’s unreasonable.

VaddaABeetch · 03/07/2024 20:47

GatherlyGal · 03/07/2024 18:51

Another thread about a man who wants to benefit from property at the cost of his partner.

It's like what's mine is mine and what's yours in ours.

Outrageous really. Do not sacrifice your financial security.

It’s more What’s your is mine , what mine is my own.

You have no reason to do what he wants. Please do not get involved in any financial dealings with him. Please don’t.

blueshoes · 03/07/2024 20:47

He is bold. I'd give him that.

Gymnopedie · 03/07/2024 20:50

No, no and thrice no.

And when you tell him no, his reaction will tell you everything about his motives.

SchoolRefusal · 03/07/2024 20:50

I take it he won't be paying interest unlike he will on a mortgage.

OnTheBoardwalk · 03/07/2024 20:55

For £600 a month he'd struggle to get a decent shared house where I live and that’s in the North West!

he reckons he can get half your house and you might sometimes get his £600 a month. He can jog on

RadFs · 03/07/2024 20:56

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 18:43

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

So you’ll be his mortgage provider with having the benefit of not paying any interest. You’re the one that’ll be losing out.

Original poster
Maplelady · 03/07/2024 20:57

biscuitandcake · 03/07/2024 19:50

I think 600 is reasonable in those circumstances. It is much less than he would need to pay for his own place. It is more than the cost of him being there to the OP (extra bills, food etc). So both are benefitting slightly (though actually I take that back if he/you have a super expensive lifestyle and you are subsidising him). But its fairer than if he was paying full market value for renting a house to his partner, or if she was subsidising him.

His suggestion is very cheeky though.

Show quote history

I’m happy with this arrangement because I’m better off this way. He was paying £1,250 and then bills on top when he rented so he is also better off

OP posts:
WmFnKdSg1234 · 03/07/2024 21:01

It is issues like this where the OP can learn a lot about her DP.

I too will the chorus of "Hell, NO!"

This suggestion would put me on guard, this bloke is not at all honourable - the fact he had the bare faced gall to even suggest a such a thing is utterly outrageous.

It would lead me to wonder exactly what his motivation to be in arelationship with you OP.

I would tread very carefully with this man, his intentions are not all they seem.

Original poster
Maplelady · 03/07/2024 21:03

Catopia · 03/07/2024 19:36

Either it is your property, or you buy as tenants in common in unequal shares, with those shares set out in writing, but he needs to put up some capital. Do not give him a legal interest in the property if he has invested nothing up front in it.

I agree

OP posts:
Razorwire · 03/07/2024 21:04

It will be an uncomfortable discussion. And maybe talk to your bank manager first for ideas …

You might start with, live your idea buying together etc etc.
Ive asked the bank manager about best equitable way to buy a house with you. I didn’t have all of your details, but from what I told him, he advised strongly that the best way to move forward is to buy the house together with you having a mortgage instead of rent and me paying my share and investing the surplus in (isa, shares, etc). You will be owning and paying your mortgage and building your credit.

Bank guy really knew a lot about this as it’s common that couples have vastly different ownership histories, it’s almost never 50/50. He was really certain that I should approach anything money related as an investor, with exact proportion of ownership, with an eye on growing my money and you growing your money for the future.

He might agree and just not understand.

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