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Original poster

DP wants home ownership but not a mortgage

621 replies

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 18:43

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

OP posts:
Clearinguptheclutter · 03/07/2024 21:40

As pp said he wants the benefit without the risk!!

A hard no from me.

fwiw my dh and I started off with a similar arrangement, he was my lodger. It was entirely clear that the next logical step was to buy together, which is what we did.

one thought- is he possibly hiding a credit issue that would make a mortgage difficult for him?

EmeraldRoulette · 03/07/2024 21:40

Vettrianofan · 03/07/2024 21:29

DH had a property when I met him. I didn't. There was no equal footing.

Others could easily argue he should have stayed well away from me!

Have you actually read what OP wrote?

kkloo · 03/07/2024 21:43

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house.

😂😂The Cheek.

gardenmusic · 03/07/2024 21:45

fwiw my dh and I started off with a similar arrangement, he was my lodger. It was entirely clear that the next logical step was to buy together, which is what we did.

But he does not want to' buy together' he wants OP to sell her house, add her savings to the money, and instead of him paying her his rent, he wants that rent to become his way of buying a share of the house!
She buys, using her equity and savings. He stops paying rent, and thinks his measly 600 a month should buy him a share!

Lotsofsnacks · 03/07/2024 21:50

No no no!!! Most people have a mortgage and owe the bank for years. If they don’t, they will still be renting into retirement on a pension. So his plan is it’s ok for you to owe the bank, and not him, and pay money to you to gradually own a chunk of your house?! No op this is not a good idea! You’ve lost money in the past to an ex, please protect your assets. You need to put your foot down, you either get a mortgage together, stick to your current arrangement or just live separately or split up

Genevieva · 03/07/2024 21:50

You need to charge him more rent. It should be 50% of the market rate plus 50% of utility bills.

Garlicnaan · 03/07/2024 21:50

If he's on 80k but only paying 600 for rent and all house related bills (presumably), he can surely save a packet! Why doesn't he do that so he has capital and can then get a much smaller mortgage? Does he already have savings? Why should you put your whole house AND 100k savings down while he puts in nothing? Insane.

savethatkitty · 03/07/2024 21:57

Do not do this!

Your gut is telling you this isn't right, please listen.

greenpolarbear · 03/07/2024 21:58

He doesn't want to feel like a lodger but he wants you to buy a house and pay you a monthly amount? It's still a tenant/landlord situation, he just wants to screw you out of the pittance of his salary he's paying you.

Nanaof1 · 03/07/2024 22:04

CowTown · 03/07/2024 18:49

It’s a hard no from me. Easy to be so cavalier about selling assets and draining savings when it’s not your money.

💯⬆THIS⬆💯

He wants to "own" property without sacrificing anything. It would take YEARS before he made any dent in the cost of the house, if he ever did. He wants YOU to spend ALL your money for HIS satisfaction.

Please do not be a fool and fall for this.

Nanaof1 · 03/07/2024 22:09

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 18:43

My partner and I have been together for three years. I own my house outright and he owns no property, but could raise a mortgage of around 350k on his 80k salary.

He currently pays £600 a month to live and my house but understandably doesn’t want to feel like my lodger forever. I suggested that we could sell my house and put that down a 500k deposit and he could raise a mortgage of say 150k-200k (which he pays and has that as a percentage of equity in the house). He really hates the idea of owing that sort of money to the bank and being tied to a mortgage for the next 20 years.

He’s suggested that I buy a new house from the sale of my current house and my savings (I have 100k in savings) and he pays me a monthly amount and gradually buys a share of my house. Am I right to feel really uncomfortable about this? There’s nothing compelling or exciting to me about selling chunks of a property I already own and can afford. I get that he wants us to feel more like a partnership rather than a tenant/landlord situation.

For a bit of background… I put my ex on my mortgage years ago and it ended up costing me a lot of money when we broke up after a few years. I can’t tell if I’m just being overly cautious because of my past experience

So, you buy a 600K house and he slowly buys a share? At 1K/month, it would take him 5 years JUST to own 10%, 10 years to own 20% and 20 years to own 40% and that doesn't take into account the rise in equity you would have, that would take him many years to also have. I would bet my behind that he is thinking of joint ownership a lot quicker than that and not be paying that much to own so little. Then you need to include the fact that he would also need to be paying for the right to live there by paying a good portion of the bills. He would be able to "bow out" of paying rent and still not own by paying you a pittance?

This is not only a "NO" but a "HELL NO!"

AnotherEmma · 03/07/2024 22:16

Does he have any savings or investments?
I find it strange that a grown man on £80k/year would not have some kind of savings.
He doesn't want a mortgage but he was happy paying rent to a private landlord for years before he became your lodger.
And now he thinks he can gradually buy some equity in your house?! No thanks Grin
This is not a man you should tie yourself to financially.

Vladthecat · 03/07/2024 22:28

If he earns 80K where is it all going ?

A nice fat pension perhaps … for himself ( not including you) no doubt ??

WalkingaroundJardine · 03/07/2024 22:30

Adding to the chorus of “noes”.

He certainly seems to be looking after #1 in the relationship and it’s not you, OP.

Are you worried about saying no to him and the possible ramifications of that?

Username22222 · 04/07/2024 01:00

And the gall of the man to ask/tell the op to buy a bigger house with her savings because the one he currently is cock lodging in is not to his required standards.

I may be paraphrasing, but I think I've got the measure of him.

Sadly I think the fact the op took his suggestion seriously (rather than laughing out loud) shows how vulnerable she is to this con-man. Honestly op, give it all away to charity you care about at least rather than him.

Tiredandshabby · 04/07/2024 02:28

So he hates the idea of owing the bank that sort of money but is perfectly ok with the idea of owing you that sort of money.

thats a big “hmmm” from me.

kkloo · 04/07/2024 02:59

Tiredandshabby · 04/07/2024 02:28

So he hates the idea of owing the bank that sort of money but is perfectly ok with the idea of owing you that sort of money.

thats a big “hmmm” from me.

He's very comfortable with that idea as he thinks he can just pay it and stop if he needs to, just pay whenever suits him and build up equity in the house that way 🙄

From one of the OPs responses:

He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

Trytobekinder · 04/07/2024 03:31

Hell, no! You are not obliged to provide him with ownership of a property or, more particularly, your property. I would boot him for this suggestion. If I didn't, I'd be very very wary of him. I am a solicitor (not in the UK) and klaxons are going off and red flags are fluttering in the breeze for me. They should be for you too, especially after your experience with your ex. I am not a misogynist either - I've been married to the same man for 30 years who has never shown the kind of entitlement your partner has. But professionally I have seen people do things so appalling to each other that nothing much would surprise me about how awful and entitled people can be.

Normallynumb · 04/07/2024 05:38

Just NO

Ohfuckwhatdoidonow · 04/07/2024 05:52

May I ask OP.
He knows you have 100k in savings that he wishes for you to put into this house. How much does he have because it sounds like he's just wanting to pay you toward the house in monthly payments. He pays no mortgage interest like normal folk do, whilst you sacrifice the interest you'd lose on your savings of 100k.

I am concerned that it appears this man, on I think you said 80k a year, pays £600 toward his living costs and has no savings to speak of?

I'm sorry, I hate that it feels like you're asking for advice and you're being given advice to pretty much not be with him, but he is really taking the mick here.

CheekyHobson · 04/07/2024 06:42

He pays no mortgage interest like normal folk do, whilst you sacrifice the interest you'd lose on your savings of 100k.

Not just that.

For every dollar of house capital that he takes off the OP (which as you say, he is quite possibly hoping will be an interest-free deal for him), she loses the future capital gain of the money she had previously invested in her house. So she's losing twice.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 04/07/2024 06:43

NO.

VeryConfuzzled · 04/07/2024 06:56

80smonster · 03/07/2024 19:07

Nah, wouldn't be up for that if I were you. Why doesn't he go ahead and buy a property for whatever he feels is affordable mortgage-wise, he can rent it out and use the rent to pay you rent/top that up if its not hitting whatever you agreed. You will both own property. No need to pop a claim on each others? If you were to part company, worst case scenario - he will have somewhere to go.

This seems like the ideal scenario. Curious to know if OP still decides to stay with her partner though. She hopefully might have decided to show him the door🚪. But previous posters have a point. If he’s on 80k and only pays £600 a month, surely he must have savings?

gardenmusic · 04/07/2024 07:37

I think we are going to be looking at a whole different thread next year.
OP at least come back and tell us what you are thinking now that you have the advice you are seeking.

Nanaof1 · 04/07/2024 07:59

Maplelady · 03/07/2024 19:07

I think this is it. He wants to set up a business in the next couple of years and worries that he won’t be able to do this with the burden of monthly mortgage repayments. If he was buying part of my house he could stop the payments if he needed to

Show quote history

So, he wants to be able to "stop payments" when he needs to, because he wants to start a business? But still wants to own part of the house? He truly is a CF and a total azzhat.
Hopefully, you will heed the majority advice in this thread.

This has more red flags than a Chinese parade.