Children feeling resentful over parents’ luxury holidays

[Loyallyreserved]

I read an article in the newspaper today where several adult children (30-40 yrs age) were feeling resentful that their parents in retirement were going on luxury holidays a few times a year.
Their gripe was that they believed their parents were spending their inheritance which they felt was rightly theirs. It made them feel frustrated, envious and bitter. And they also claimed that they should be given their inheritance now rather than wait until they died.
I have to confess the article gave me the impression of selfish, cold hearted money grabbing adults.
AIBU?

I don't resent my parents for their many high-end holidays they take each year, but I do resent my mother complaining about how tiring they are and what an imposition it is to be away from home all the time.
It's their money, they can spend it as they wish, but I would like them to consider who they complain to about their lifestyle.

What a weird way of thinking from the children!

I've told my mum to spend it all and enjoy it, there's no happiness for me seeing her save it in her last years just for me to have the cash. I'd rather it went on whatever flight of fancy she had! Hopefully she's got many years of life left and it's not something I'll need to think about.

I’m envious of my in-laws - I’d rather be on holiday than working! But I don’t resent them, I think ‘good for them’ and hope I can do the same when I retire.

I think people who want the inheritance asap probably don’t understand how quickly life can change. If they did they’d not resent anyone for enjoying it while they can.

can you link to the article? thanks

Presumably the journalist who wrote the story looked for the minority of adult children who think like this to write the article about precisely because it would make people think they were selfish/ money grabbing etc and get people talking. If this was how most people thought it wouldn’t be worthy of a news story, the very reason it’s in the news is because it’s not the norm. It’s likely that the opinions of those interviewed were also exaggerated and taken out of context for the purpose of making the article more shocking. Don’t believe everything you read and certainly don’t believe the stories like this that make the news are the opinions of the majority.

Yes they’re money grabbing. My parents go on multiple holidays a year, I’m envious as id love to do that but I don’t resent them at all. I’m glad they can spend retirement doing what they want.

I'm not surprised the byline was anonymous - the entitlement and grabbiness and whinging was off the scale. And as a lot of comments said it's not the writer's inheritance - it's their parents' money.

I think what many young people are really resentful about is they will never be able to afford a house half as nice as their parents have despite working twice as hard as their parents did.
I'm old BTW and don't blame young people for being resentful, they have every right to be.

I've had a job since babysitting aged 12. Worked my whole life. Hell yes I am going to spend my savings in retirement!

I’m not resentful of my parents for doing exactly that.

I have a huge issue about the way governments have allowed a system where wealth is now in the hands of the older generation whilst the younger generations have been left to struggle with less and less money.

Im frustrated at the lack of opportunities offered to young adults.

And I’m annoyed at the many people in that generation who don’t realise they managed well due to the economic circumstances at the time. Not because they were better/harder worker/didn’t fret money away.

Im taking about the baby boomers generation there. Not the people who are coming into retirement now (even though they are still in a much better place than young adults!) x the generation X

I wish my parents would treat themselves more. Would love them to spend it.

@PuffinMcStuffin , why does it bother you if they mention their ‘complaints’ and I use that word loosely?

Grabbing bastards. It's not their money, their parents have worked all their lives so they could enjoy their retirement. You would have to be a particularly unpleasant sort of person to begrudge them that pleasure.

I would not have used the B word but they are money grabbing, greedy little parasites. For that reason alone I'd remortgage our properties and spend, spend and spend

I am in my 50s and have had kids, looked after them, worked, all the same stuff they are doing and are yet to do. We are at different life stages. I'd hate to think that they begrudge me holidays!

Presumably because it’s tone deaf to complain a lot about a choice you make to go on holidays to someone who can’t

My SIL does similar. She chose to retire very young due to an inheritance (from a relative she’d never met) and now complains a lot about how busy the airport was or how many sunbeds had fixed parasols so we’re too shady to other relatives who are lucky to afford a weekend away in a caravan at most. The odd complaint is fair enough, everyone has a moan sometimes, but not reading the room when you complain often about something privileged is rude

It's more common than we realise. SIL kicked up a stink recently about FIL remarrying and opting to sell his house. The proceeds will be spent on lifestyle and aged care.

It became apparent SIL thought of that house as her entitlement. She's got a massive income & can sell her huge mansion, downsize & be mortgage free. Just grabby, really.

Any inheritance DH & I get, from either side (not much) will probably go to the DC, because apparently our generation will be expected to forgo ola nice retirement to give house deposits (DC too young to care yet!). One cousin has borrowed at 60 to provide a child a deposit!

I don’t agree. There is a huge wealth divide between the older and younger generations.

As an example, we are so broke we could not pay our rent last month. PIL knew that. They then booked themselves business class tickets to Australia, where they go every couple of years, on top of several other holidays per year.

The cost of those tickets was equivalent to our rent for an entire year.

They should be able to enjoy their money as they see fit, but fuck me… if my adult children were struggling financially, I would help them, not rub it in their faces with countless luxury holidays.

This (not you but in general) is the issue. FIL goes on and on about 'working hard all my life' because he started at 15. He and MIL got married young, had three kids. He worked into his 50s then had a combination of disability, insurance, pension (state and private). He's 70s now. Doing the sums...

FIL 40 something years
MIL maybe 5 years

PIL combined = 50 years being really generous.

DH 30+ years
Me 30+ years

Us combined = 60 years being stingy (I worked PT from 14 and have had two jobs more than once).

We've already worked more than PILs and we aren't near retirement. My parents are roughly the same. Parents and PILs have nice houses (bought dirt cheap with one salary) and holidays. I don't resent it, but if your parents are going on holiday after holiday and the COL means you won't ever have close to what they have, regardless of two incomes and harder work, I can see how that grates. The refrain that people 'work hard' when they are older and young people are all feckless idiots is wrong.

And good parents do want their children to have a better life than they had. Not a worse one, surely?

Yanbu.

I'm a single mum of one ds, whom I love beyond all else.

I have spent every day for the last 16 years, doing everything I can to give him a happy, carefree childhood. He knows he is loved. I have succeeded in giving him a (subsidised) private education in a school he likes, by working every hour possible, and by NOT having any foreign holidays

When he heads off in a couple of years, I will retire, and holiday wherever I please without the slightest guilt.

I will have done my best to give him a decent start, and that's enough. If he grumbles about how I spend my pension, I shall take up sailing and spend it faster. 😁

I'd love it if both my parents had survived until retirement to go on exotic trips together. Sadly, one of them died and the other seems to have lost their sense of adventure. I'd much rather my few remaining retired relatives spend their money on enjoying their retirements and ensuring they have everything they need (including care) than inherit a wad of cash. I've inherited bits over the years, but I have relatives around my age (20s/30s) who've inherited quite substantial sums. Whilst a bit of a financial cushion eases some of life's worries, tons of money doesn't make you happy.

I believe it's acceptable for parents to spend some of their retirement savings if they've worked hard and saved diligently, as long as they leave behind an inheritance to help their children compensate for rising housing costs.

What I find disappointing is when individuals inherit a significant amount from their frugal parents, only to spend it all without leaving behind anything substantial for their own children.

My intention is to provide my children with a sizeable deposits for housing from my savings, despite not having received an inheritance

I've realized I have to spend more now to provide a future for the kids. My plan was to leave things when I die, but kind of realized if I die at 80 my boys will all probably be grandads, have houses and their own families by that point

@pinklepea Sorry, yes. I am handing this over now in my 50s and not when I die!

It is a relatively new concept that the older generation can/should/will spend all the money.

It used to be that money carefully managed and passed on to help establish the families younger generations.