Children feeling resentful over parents’ luxury holidays

[Loyallyreserved]

I read an article in the newspaper today where several adult children (30-40 yrs age) were feeling resentful that their parents in retirement were going on luxury holidays a few times a year.
Their gripe was that they believed their parents were spending their inheritance which they felt was rightly theirs. It made them feel frustrated, envious and bitter. And they also claimed that they should be given their inheritance now rather than wait until they died.
I have to confess the article gave me the impression of selfish, cold hearted money grabbing adults.
AIBU?

@beachcitygirl

I'm still interested as to what makes you think baby boomers didn't work nearly as hard as young people today.

@beachcitygirl It's a disgrace and it's my generations fault for the bloody thatcher years.
There were a lot of people (baby boomers) who lived through the Thatcher years who would sooner die than vote Thatcher. Many people voted for the opposition, a quarter of a million people (me included - I'm a boomer) protested about her poll tax and there are a lot of boomer miners out there who shouldn't and wouldn't take any blame for bloody Thatcher.

I'm not disagreeing with you that young people have it hard, it's a disgrace.
I am disagreeing that all boomers had it easy.
WASPIE women, the poorest 20% of pensioners (boomers) have below the minimum standard to live on, people paying rent when they retire.....none of those are sitting in the lap of luxury on cruises.

Yes, check our privileges, but blaming boomers as a cohort isn't as effective as hammering away at this sodding government and wanting better for everyone, especially the young and the poor, whatever their age.

The fact that some boomers had it hard doesn’t negate that as a group, they experienced a much easier situation than the current millennial fur example. Or even generation X.

It’s reflected in the fact that wealth is the hands of that generation for example.

Ofc some people will struggle. And the state should be there more/better to support those.
But as group, they’ve had many more opportunities, much more easily. And said boomers not recognising that (and talking about young people eating avocados and having a coffee at Costa) grates. A lot.

@Evensong it shouldn't be a race to the bottom.

And it absolutely can cost money to do those things. That poster made the point that her parents were always doing DIY etc - with the inference being that they could have outsourced some of that and used some money to save their time to spend with their children.

My parents were the same - nothing got in the way of them making money. In the early years that was understandable as we were poor, but eventually they had more than enough to work less to spend time with their children. They chose money. And more to the point, they used their children's labour to both make more of it and to be able to check out of looking after their family and household.

So now when my mum goes swanning off to her seaside apartment for 6 months of the year do I feel jealous? I actually don't. But do I feel anger at my lost childhood? Absolutely.

@BellatrixLestranger I can see it from your angle completely.

My situation was different. My parents didn't have much money so doing DIY and gardening was essential as outsourcing it was not an option. I was never bored, I learned so much about DIY from them that now I can do it all myself, I worked as a gardener all my life so that obviously stuck.

I loved being at home with them and my brothers and sisters. We had proper fun together often doing practical things. We had days out at the seaside, picnics in the woods, spent time in museums learning all sorts and in the library all constantly reading. We were well fed, well clothed and well loved.

It felt a fulfilling, enriched youth full of fun, culture, learning, adventures and love. We didn't want more, didn't need more and the thought that we'd resent our parents for not giving us more makes me feel shocked and very sad. They gave us all they were able and it was enough.

My siblings and I have all made good lives for ourselves. It certainly never felt like a race to the bottom. I can see how you and I would feel differently about this - my mum and dad never had a seaside apartment but had lovely caravan holidays in Cornwall once they'd retired. I'm so glad they had those happy times before they died...they'd earned them.

My siblings and I actively encouraged our parents to spend on their retirement and not leave us any money.

I think this is a more common situation but not newspaper worthy

@Evensong that sounds like such a lovely childhood, and it sounds like your parents really put a lot of thought into your happiness and wellbeing.

I think from my perspective it's not a case of being envious of my parents (I am so happy that my dad was able to have a couple of years of fun in his retirement before he passed away), but of the fact that my life was made actively more difficult by people who to this day would claim to have had it tough.

My childhood helped pay for their homes, and being expected to listen to your mother talking about how her houses aren't big enough (are six bedrooms across two homes not enough for one person?) while you are having panic attacks due to worrying about being burgled and you have to walk down a street strewn with rubbish and used needles etc to get to your house is galling.

@BellatrixLestranger i very much feel that if you have a relatively easy life, you’re not on the bread line (or as you described living in awful conditions) then it’s easy to say ‘of course! It’s their money, they can do as they please’.

This is the theme that comes out again and again in this thread.

Either the posters are comfortable enough or if they are not, their parents aren’t either.

Then it’s easier to feel relaxed about it.

Very good point. I don’t begrudge my retired parents or in-laws their many luxury trips annually AT ALL.
They have grown up with little talk of climate issues, a functioning NHS, expectation of final salary pensions, following careers in unionised workplaces with regular pay reviews, no unpaid overtime, no funding kids through uni etc.
Its their money to enjoy. But a very different generation, with a never to be repeated set of advantages, it feels.

@VillageOnSmile I agree.

Fundamentally speaking, there are no safety nets anymore. While I am so happy to have the life I have now after many years of hardship (through my own efforts and no one else's), I know that if I ever become ill or need time away from work I'll be screwed.

No social housing for me. I can't even get a GP appointment without jumping through a thousand hoops. State pension probably at 71. Paying student loans plus contributing to my workplace pension plus also trying to develop an investment portfolio to take care of myself in my old age as I won't have children to guilt trip and I doubt adult social care will have improved.

Between them my parents spent nearly three quarters of a million in the couple of years after they retired on houses, cars and holidays.

It’s a hard place to be in.

With dh we are doing well enough.
But I’m also disabled and can’t work anymore.
I couldn’t separate if I wanted to. The cost (eg to not be able to access private healthcare through dh work) on the top of living in poverty would be too high…

So yes I totally get the ‘there is no safety net anymore’.

What pains me is the fact it seems to be the direction most countries are going towards - all the neo liberal crap.
It’s already shit. How will it be for my young adult dc generation?

My parents used to go on cruises every year, I can honestly say I never thought they were spending my inheritance.