Children feeling resentful over parents’ luxury holidays

[Loyallyreserved]

I read an article in the newspaper today where several adult children (30-40 yrs age) were feeling resentful that their parents in retirement were going on luxury holidays a few times a year.
Their gripe was that they believed their parents were spending their inheritance which they felt was rightly theirs. It made them feel frustrated, envious and bitter. And they also claimed that they should be given their inheritance now rather than wait until they died.
I have to confess the article gave me the impression of selfish, cold hearted money grabbing adults.
AIBU?

If you can sort that to look after family like that without any problems, then that's perfect. Money and jealousy destroys families. I would love to be able to support family, that's really the point of working so much for your entire life, for the family xx

Speaking purely practically, I would have thought that most people's major wealth would be in their home - so not easy to 'fritter away' whilst they're still alive and need to live there.

Therefore, if your parents do own their own home and are lucky enough not to have to sell it to provide care for themselves in their old age, then even if they didn't have a single penny in savings apart from that to leave, you're still going to get a considerable sum once their house is sold.

Whilst it's their own choice, I do think people seemingly burning wantonly through money on grand luxuries whilst they have children or grandchildren who are really struggling to keep their heads above water/pay their rent is not how you'd expect a healthy, loving family to function.

Even worse are the very wealthy older people you read about a lot on MN who seem to actively enjoy seeing their families in poverty whilst they hoard sometimes millions in the bank. I think it must be a specific mindset - and a very unhealthy one at that; just one that instantly springs to mind is the very rich in-laws who actually gave their DIL an invoice for a wine glass that she accidentally broke when visiting them.

Where's the article?

Journo probably asked 5 people then twisted their words. Sounds a bit of a dog-whistle tbh

Or are you the journalist/throwing this out there for views pending an article?

It was obvious what sort of person the writer was as soon as she called her in-laws boomers.

perhaps your father pulls the strings and she feels she has to go along with it.

My parents have just retired. They are about to go on an amazing holiday. I can't be happier for them. I was saying to my partner the best thing I can imagine is when they do die they have spent every last bit of money they have. Maybe a fantastic dinner and fine champagne pop into bed and pass in their sleep. It's thier money they should spend it.

It was a rage bait headline, designed to distract from the intergenerational inequality that has massively screwed millennials and beyond.

Retirees had opportunities that this generation can only dream of.

Obviously it's their money, but the subsequent generations have no chance to create the same equity.

My DM got a big inheritance about 10 years ago. She seems to have seen it as a goal to spend it all. She now flies business or first on holidays several times a year / stays in very expensive hotels or cruises which I think is really burning through the money quite quickly. She is also talking about downsizing her house soon so she can “free up more cash”.
At the end of the day, it is her money and she can do what she wants with it while she can travel. However, she is now in her 70s and I found out recently that she hasn’t even done a will (despite having remarried). In all honestly, it does feel a bit grating that she received such a huge inheritance herself but seems to have no concern about not leaving anything to me or my siblings… she often talks about how she deserves all her holidays because she has “worked hard all her life” but ultimately she has worked part time most of her life in quite low paying jobs and the money she is enjoying now is inherited money, not earned money.

My in lawa stash their money away. I find that more frustrating. They live like they are poor and have never helped us, before someone says I am entitled I can’t imagine have hundreds of thousands piled up and watching your children struggle. Our car broke down and we had huge bill due to some work that needed fixing on our house. We have been short of money for a fee months especially due to the COL crisis, my husband had taken on an extra evening job so he’s exhausted (his day job some times requires night shifts too) all they say is that ‘they were tired too when they were are age’ my MIL never worked and I work long hours.
If they had helped us even a little, I wouldn’t care even if they were on holiday 10 times a year.

Yanbu. I wish anyone enjoying their retirement well.

YANBU. An inheritance is something you get after a person is dead. While they are alive the money is theirs, and they can burn it all if they want to. No-one is entitled to an inheritance.

Land Value Tax, charged annually.

Just sayin'.

I don’t expect anything from anyone. I make my own money. I’d never ever take a luxury holiday if my kid was struggling. I’d help them out no hesitation.

I suspect the families where adult children are complaining aren't happy, properly functioning families and that could be for any number of reasons which are either the parents'/children's fault.

Assuming quite a bit of the parents wealth is family inheritance, and not all earnt solely by them - then yes I think it is very selfish given how hard it is to be young these days - and they are exposed to such a low standard of living and not able to afford to even buy a home despite working so hard. Of course it is selfish and indulgent to waste so much money. It is why they have the reputation that they do.

The generation before them saved and saved and knew the importance of helping their children. The boomer generation feel they are entitled to everything including gold plated pensions and retiring in their early fifties and burning through family money,

Both of my (divorced) parents piss me off because they both received large inheritances themselves and have been busy pissing it all away.

My mother got a reverse mortgage on her house (bought with her parents' money). My father inherited half a million from his mother in the nick of time - turns out he had an interest only mortgage on his house (despite having had a well paid career he blagged his way through due to male privilege) and was about to lose it as he couldn't keep up the payments in retirement. He now lives in a cheap condo and he said to me last week he's struggling to pay the service charges and insurance. He's an absolute idiot with money but has always landed on his feet.

I'm in my 50s and have already worked longer than either of my parents did. I'm not worried for my own financial future as I've worked hard and been lucky. But my sister has struggled all her life (she's bipolar), rents a small flat and works a physical job and if she gets no inheritance she's going to be in big trouble.

I suspect I'm going to end up helping both my sister and father financially. I don't have any children of my own so at least don't have that to worry about.

It’s not always as simple as saying you’d give your kids money if they were struggling with no question. I’d like to think this would be true for me but realistically I know that I would get resentful if they were making poor choices and relying on me to bail them out each time. Even the expectation to live their life with no sacrifice on their part would be particularly jarring. I look at some of the threads about home ownership in London and if my kids moved to London for work and then wanted to raise a family there I would not tolerate a load of complaining about how impossible it then was to buy a property to raise a family in. I’d be saying yes, it is too expensive to buy and you need to be looking at jobs and homes outside of London if you want a decent house and garden. I wouldn’t be remortgaging our house to allow them to get on the overpriced London housing ladder that’s for certain.

Entitled and crappy attitude for the children to have. I believe my parents should live life while their health allows them to before they run out of time. If they spend all their money, so be it. Good on them.

Agree, especially when we ourselves moved away from where we grew up in order to be able to afford housing.

My father did this. He inherited sizable amounts and spent the lot PLUS took out equity release and spent that too. And no, he did not work hard all his life! He didn't work at all past from his mid thirties to avoid child support, he sat on benefits with the mortgage interest being paid by the tax payer until he inherited money. He even tried to get me to give up work and move in with him to become his full time carer in exchange for the house it turned out he no longer owned!

He could have helped us kids out but he chose to spaff the lot instead. I will do what I can to help my children now, I will not wait until I die and I will not spend all my money on exotic holidays.

The thought of inheritance and wills brings out the very worst in a hell of a lot of people, therefore I'm all for everyone spending every penny they've got beforehand.
If there's nothing left, there's nothing to bicker over.

The thing is that the older generation haven't necessarily "worked hard all their lives" to get this money. A lot of them have benefited from house price rises and very generous pension schemes in a way that the younger generations simply won't. So it's not really hard work but mainly just a matter of being in the right place at the right time. Of course, it's still their money and it's up to them how they spend it. But if I was financially comfortable and my children were struggling, I would definitely prioritise helping them out over going on several holidays a year. (This isn't a dig at my own parents by the way, who aren't like the ones described at all.)

I wish my Mum and Dad had treated themselves more. I inherited last year at the age of 66 and I have no idea what to do with it. It does not seem like my money and I just wish they had enjoyed more things - or wasted it as my Dad would have said!

The so called 'right' to an Inheritance sure brings out the ugly side of people.

I don’t begrudge my parents spending their money but I do wish they would recognise how fortunate they were with low housing costs and gold plated pensions.

DH and I have also benefited from relatively low mortgage although nothing like my parents and whilst my pension isn’t wonderful, dh’s is pretty good as he is older than me.

We are enjoying more holidays now although still funding our dses at university but it is always in our mind that we will need to support our dses with a deposit and we do have savings put aside for that.

I think the mindset is different.