Children feeling resentful over parents’ luxury holidays

[Loyallyreserved]

I read an article in the newspaper today where several adult children (30-40 yrs age) were feeling resentful that their parents in retirement were going on luxury holidays a few times a year.
Their gripe was that they believed their parents were spending their inheritance which they felt was rightly theirs. It made them feel frustrated, envious and bitter. And they also claimed that they should be given their inheritance now rather than wait until they died.
I have to confess the article gave me the impression of selfish, cold hearted money grabbing adults.
AIBU?

DH has Lew Bodies dementia. I have been the major bread winner for a number of years and funded my eldest son through medical school providing support in the top quartile for that expected at his University. He definitely regards any money I spend on myself or DH as a waste and has challenged us as to why we have not paid his tuition loan and stated that the £20k we had put into a LISA for him was a "paltry sum" and should be more. My case is a bit extreme but I do not think I am the only one with these issues. I am resolute that I will not be handing over loads of cash given the uncertain future we face. However much we give there is always more wanted.

This sort of article sets generations against one another. Look at those in power.

Perhaps if we’d had successive governments brave enough to tax wealth/property over a certain amount we’d still have proper subsidised childcare, cheaper public transport, more low cost housing and low cost higher education like most of Europe have.

Then maybe the younger generation wouldn’t feel so left behind.

Not London
https://www.merseytravel.gov.uk/tickets-and-pricing/over-60s/

I think a lot depends on personalities.

My children have a good lifestyle finance wise. They were all brought up with the same attitudes around them, seeing the same things, being taught about money in the same way. Of the three who are adults so far one feels hard done by in terms of what we’ve saved for them and two think we’ve saved a whack and they’re in a better position than most 🤷🏻‍♀️

MIL lives with us. BIL’s partner thinks it’s an absolute travesty and that we’re ‘stealing’ BiL’s inheritance because she contributes to the shopping bill (which is instead of separately buying her own stuff - she’s not subsiding us in any way). She cannot grasp that MiL is not paying other bills or to maintain her house, all she can see is that spending. She also can’t grasp that MIL’s money is her to spend as she wishes despite BIL saying it repeatedly.

I have a 19 and a soon to be 21 year old.
Im far from retirement age. (37)
I go on holidays alot through the year and my children dont resent me as they pay for 3 of them for me.
They are in fact pleased that im having my life now.

I agree with this.

I would always help my kids, but I know other people my age who go on expensive holidays and then tell their kids that they do not have any money to help them out.

I don't know how they live with themselves.

I reached retirement age in April 2023 after working full time from the actual day of my 16th birthday. My wife was due to retire next May after working since she was 17 (albeit with breaks to have our girls and health issues later in life)

We ALWAYS put our girls first. If we went without anything it's because the money was needed to give them a good life. We never begrudged them as we chose to have them. They've both grown up to make us proud.

My wife and I planned lots of trips when we retired and our girls were so pleased with our plans.

Unfortunately, my wife passed away in January and trips are not in my mindset at all. My girls keep saying that 'mum' would want you to do the travelling she's missed out on.

So in my mind anyone who begrudges their parents/relatives spending their own money can go to hell in a handcart.

Entitled, greedy, selfish fuckers.

My mum smoked all her life and barely left the county after retiring because she didn't have the money to do so. My inlaws are currently on their 2nd cruise of the year and we joke about where they are for much of the year.

I would rather they spend their cash and enjoy it now. They worked hard for 40 years, were tied to kid-friendly holidays with us for a good chunk of that, and had limited annual leave.

Having just returned from a flying visit to Barcelona I can't help but feel a touch jealous of their freedom (time and financial) to explore the world. Do we feel anger that they're spending any potential inheritance? Not at all.

Ha I wonder if they interviewed my sister! She has a similar attitude in that everything that belongs to our parents belongs to her and is very resentful when they do anything that won't benefit her financially.
Personally, I hope our parents piss their money up the wall and love their lives. They're both in their 60s, living the dream. I hope they've got nothing left by the time they pass away and spend the rest of their time enjoying themselves. My sister doesn't need any inheritance anyway, she's more well off than any of us have ever been.

Provided it is their money they are spending rather than money they inherited themselves from their parents then ultimately it is up to them to decide how to spend it.

Personally if I was wealthy and retired (well I can all but hope!) then I would much prefer to be funding my grandchildren's education rather than luxury holidays. On the basis that when you shuffle off no one will care about what holidays you went on whereas improving your grandchildren's life chances will remain.

For me it's all about using my life to make a difference and improve the situation for the next generation rather than maximising personal enjoyment. But each to their own values.

Well, if I may....
I can see both sides, tbh. The parents obviously have a full right to do with their money as they please.
On the other hand, it is more than tough for younger people who want to start living a bit of dignified life.
It's not me - I'm in my mid forties, waiting for my abusive mother of 80 in another country to just go, so I can finally separate from my husband of 20 years and live alone.
Difficult....

One of DH’s uncles is openly irritated that his MIL, DH’s Gran, is still alive at 102 and all her money is being spent on her care home. He makes out that his comments about her outliving everyone and surviving an apocalypse are jokes, but you can tell he’s not joking.

God no. My mum is 70 and still insisting on working in order to leave more for us. I wish she’d retire and go on holiday! I’d like to look back on her life and think she had some pleasure.

I agree, we need a massive house building programme similar to post war. Unfortunately people living comfortably in their own lovely homes constantly get planning applications stopped with their objections.

I have known one woman like this. She openly encouraged her mother to buy clothes from charity shops to save money so there would be more for her to inherit.
Selfish people are selfish with relatives as well.

My relationship with my sister has been affected by her resentment at any suggestion of paying for any extras when my mother was in a care home and her anger that I didn't place the same importance as she did on securing a charge against my mother's house in order to avoid the care home fees until my mother died.

She had her own house. I didn't, having lost the proceeds of my marital home in a nasty prolonged divorce case. I eventually paid a monthly sum to the care home myself to pay for hairdressing and chiropody for my mum.

After my mother died I still resented my sister's meanness and constant harping on about inheritance.

I disagree - depends on your upbringing but the social circles I moved in, no one inherited a penny. Most didn’t have a pot to piss in - and certainly nothing to hand down. The vast wealth that many pensioners have now is a very new phenomenon and is causing a lot of resentment as a lot of it was made on the back of property prices rocketing (so not “earned” wealth).

I'd be more bothered about boomers keep buggering off on foreign holidays because it's an absolute two fingers up to climate change. They won't be around to see the worst of it, but their kids and grandkids will. Selfish fuckers.

We know some people who go long haul 3 or 4 times a year, they've grandchildren under the age of 10. Selfish isn't the half of it, really.

I think it’s very clear there is a divide in those from supportive families and those who are selfish.

Those people with children and grandchildren, who just want to spend all their money and not help their own family, you are incredibly selfish. Your family will not remember you well (you will not care). You will leave no legacy.

@billyt I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Very hard after a lifetime together. These must have been a very hard few months for you. You sound so proud of your daughters and I'm sure they must be a huge comfort to you. I will be thinking of you all and wish you well.

This doesn't seem to be reflected in the information available.

@Evensong I wonder what this graph is referring to? Does "travel" refer to holidays in other countries or just visiting other parts of the UK for a weekend seeng friends/relatives? How many people are spending around a month a year in other countries/luxury holidays? Very few of any age in my experience.

The stats are probably skewed by some young people travelling for an entire year.

@Navyblueblazer
Agree, nobody in my circle takes that kind of holiday either.

I'm no expert in travel (I go camping in the UK) but I just thought the assumption that it's just baby boomers ruining the environment with travel needed some balance.

"An October 2022 study analyzed the share of adults from the United Kingdom who took overseas holidays in the past 12 months. Over the period considered, surveyed Britons aged 25 to 34 years vacationed abroad the most, with 62 percent of respondents from this age group taking an overseas vacation. By contrast, 27 percent of respondents aged 55 to 64 traveled overseas for holiday purposes."

https://www.statista.com/statistics/1087669/share-of-individuals-taking-overseas-holidays-uk-by-age-group/

Most older people did not get a gap year. You left school and went to work, or left university and went to work. Traditionally you only really travelled when you retired.