Children feeling resentful over parents’ luxury holidays

[Loyallyreserved]

I read an article in the newspaper today where several adult children (30-40 yrs age) were feeling resentful that their parents in retirement were going on luxury holidays a few times a year.
Their gripe was that they believed their parents were spending their inheritance which they felt was rightly theirs. It made them feel frustrated, envious and bitter. And they also claimed that they should be given their inheritance now rather than wait until they died.
I have to confess the article gave me the impression of selfish, cold hearted money grabbing adults.
AIBU?

We are in that age bracket and our parents do similar - I always tell them to make sure they enjoy it and make the most of every second while they’re both fit and healthy. They both came from low income backgrounds and their comfortable lifestyle has been achieved by working and saving hard. They went without to provide us opportunities they never had when we were growing up. Now their money is for them to enjoy and if they choose to spend it all, I couldn’t be happier for them.

People can spend their money how they like. The problem is the same people then moaning about how much tax they have to pay, moaning about immigrants, moaning about young people, and just moaning generally, while thinking they are a highly superior generation who can do no wrong, which is certainly the attitude you get from some. For all their fat pensions all working people are paying for one way or another, they don't seem a very happy lot on the whole.

I wouldn't give my father a penny if I was you.

The problem is that they didn't necessarily earn their money by working hard. House price rises, cheap university and final salary pensions have been a massive bonus for our younger (under 80's) retired population.

Other way round for me. My mum is very resentful of what she views as our “affluence”. We are comfortably off with decent salaries but we’ve never had any inheritance or family money. I find it really odd and quite upsetting.

This sounds like a deliberately inflammatory article.

My parents have worked in low paid jobs all their lives, raised two children and didn’t go oh holiday. When my mum was 70 we took her and dad to Spain for the very time - it was an eye opener. Now in her eighties and not rich but comfortable she wishes she did go on holidays but sadly ill health prevents it.
It’s heartbreaking to see the look of regret on your mum’s face at the life she could have led.
there’s a life lesson there.

In the days when my parents were well enough to travel, this aspect of it never crossed my mind. I'm glad they took the chance while their health allowed it.

I’m not sure how to link the article but I’ll give it a go!

Read more: https://trib.al/kdXtEZz

Blimy. My mum goes on 5/6 holidays a year too. Hadn't even occured to me to be resentful.

I think the only context I would judge the parents for would be if any of the children were really struggling financially (like on the edge of poverty and homelessness) even then it wouldn't be their responsibility but I would struggle as a parent to see my child suffering while I spend another 5k on yet another holiday when that amount could pull my child out of a bad situation. I don't really consider that depriving myself really. None of this seems to apply to the article though.

Thank you 💐. I would certainly prefer not to but I wouldn't be able to see him out on the street in his 80s when I have money in the bank (he's not in the UK and wouldn't get any state support) so I'm kind of stuck. The fact he left and we barely saw him when my sister and I were kids adds insult to injury.

Ugh! It's a Mail+ article. I refuse to subscribe to read their articles.

I'm always telling my mum to enjoy the money now - buy what she wants and go to theatre unfortunately she can't really travel now. She regularly goes on "skiing trips" which means shopping and code for spending the kids inheritance. She struggle financially at my age and I'm glad she can enjoy things now. I don't see the money as mine.

Title sums up the problems. "My inheritance." "Should be mine." None of it should be yours till your parents are dead, and hopefully no-one is just hanging out for that to happen so they can get residual wealth.

As long as they keep enough money in reserve to pay for themselves right up to the final innings, including the additional care and support expenses that may entail, then its absolutely up to them to do what they like with their money.
Personally I would like to help my two boys get a deposit together and get on the housing ladder, and it does trouble me a bit to see my mum and dad frittering money away on constant spending; I worry about the looming costs (and in fact id love it if they spent it on something big and lifechanging like travel, instead of constant ordering of useless items off tv shopping channels etc) but equally I accept that they are adults and have capacity to make their own decisions and choices...equally, its hard sometimes not to judge. You have to keep your tongue behind your teeth.

It's ridiculous to feel entitled to your parents money and to begrudge them nice holidays. What horrible people.

Are the parents divorced or is he a widower? If he's spending the money your SiL's mother left on a new partner, I can see how that would grate.

What a sweeping generalisation.

I didn't get a penny from my parents until my mother died and I inherited half of what was left from her house sale after the care home fees were paid.

As a "boomer" as you so delightfully put it, I'm still working in a self employed capacity as my so called gold plated pension was reduced by ill health retirement.

Not all people from different generations are the same.

If I need care in due course I expect to have to sell my house to pay for it. In the event that I don't it's been left to my niece, who has bought her own house through her own hard work. In the meantime I save prudently to ensure I can pay my way and use the earnings from my self employment to holiday while I can still travel.

I think the article is dripping with hatred and resentment.

That does sound money grabbing and entitled. I'm trying to get my mum to consider going away again - she's still fit but after losing my dad she's saying that she just can't see herself ever going away again which is really sad.

I think it is fairly common in my father's generation to have the attitude that "it's important to make your own way" and financially helping adult children isn't really helping them in the long term.

I agree to a certain extent that throwing money at a feckless child isn't a good idea.

Ultimately, I think this mindset is very limiting. There's only so much that people can achieve in a working lifetime. If every generation is starting from scratch, then certain things might always be out of reach - e.g. decent housing, university fees, etc.

I'm planning to help my boys get onto the property ladder early and help them with financial planning, so that they're in a better position than their parents if/when they have kids.

There's a reason why some families have intergenerational wealth - i.e. the parents don't go out and spunk away all the money before they die.

Me too! I want my parents to be having a whale of a time in retirement while they’re fit enough to do so. I’m always encouraging them to go away.

Well the way I see it, I had the benefit of low or no university fees, a much more stable career progression, and the chance to buy a house before they became ruinously expensive. In my early thirties, I was living in a 4 bedroom plus study detached house in a very desirable suburb with a fulltime nanny. My children are not going to have any of the advantages I had. I am going to enjoy my retirement but before I do I will be making sure that my children's student debts are all paid off and they have a house deposit. I can perfectly understand somebody in their thirties who is priced out of the housing market being a bit resentful that their parents are not considering a bit of help given the difference in circumstances..

I agree with you, we were definitely in the right place at the right time with regard to the amount of money we have made on our house buying over the last 4 decades.

Which is why we will be releasing equity in the house shortly to give our daughter a decent deposit for her own house, regardless of people's thoughts on equity release blah blah, the huge profit we have made we haven't worked hard for, only fair we pass on our good luck to our daughter.

I don’t think anyone should feel entitled to inheritance and older generations should be able to enjoy their retirement. For me my kids will always come high on my list of priorities. When me and dh retire we will definitely get plenty of holidays but if my children were struggling I’d skip a holiday to help them out or I’d pay for a holiday for them. My in laws for instance are wonderful people. Truly lovely but they holiday around 5 times a year, big holiday's like cruising around the Caribbean on the expensive cruise lines, their daughter is a really hard worker, she never asks for a thing but is struggling, she works long hours and it just covers bills and maybe a weekend caravan trip with her two young dc. If I were on the same position as the in-laws I’d be sharing what I have. 5 holidays a year is a lot and I couldn’t remotely enjoy myself knowing my hard working children can’t afford anything.