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Original poster

Inheritance guilt

147 replies

Owlmum · 10/03/2024 21:09

Long story short my Grandfather passed away last year, I’ve been closest to him my whole life. He has other grandchildren but it’s always been me and him. Unfortunately he was always falling out with various family members over the years so had a troubled relationship with most of the family. Generally it was only me that visited and looked after him. Sadly he passed away last year and the will has divided the family. He changed his will unbeknown to any of us 6 years ago to leave me the majority share and his children a very small amount each. Understandably this has caused alot of upset and bad feeling as it’s felt that the previous will which was written over 30 years ago should have still been in place. The old will saw his children each receiving an equal share. Im now being pressured into making the “right” decision and one aunt even came out and said im sure you will see us all right. I now see the money which would be life changing for me as a curse and something I shouldn’t be accepting. It’s even causing upset with his ashes as the family refuse to put his ashes in with my grandmother as she’d be apparently turning in her grave at what he’s done.
AIBU if I don’t share my share

OP posts:
Clarebelle878 · 10/03/2024 21:14

This sounds like a really horrible situation OP. I’m so sorry. My view is that what happened to his assets on his death was a matter for your grandfather and I would honour his wishes. It sounds like you were there for him and his children weren’t. Tbh they sound quite grabby and entitled. Perhaps he had his reasons to divide his estate as he did.

Throwawayme · 10/03/2024 21:20

You're definitely not being unreasonable. It was his money and his wish for you to have the majority share. Sorry for your loss

DrunkenElephant · 10/03/2024 21:22

His wishes were clear. He wanted you to have the money x

BananaSpanner · 10/03/2024 21:26

The money should go to you as your grandfather intended. What do your parents say? Are they supporting you? The family members pressuring you don’t sound very pleasant.

westisbest1982 · 10/03/2024 21:30

It’s what he wanted, so I agree with others that you should honour his wish. If you do this, then perhaps consider legal advice because your relatives could contest your will.

I’m sorry for your loss and that you’re needlessly enduring this stress.

Mudflaps · 10/03/2024 21:32

You will be unreasonable if you do not carry out your grandfather's wishes. You cared for him and he recognised that.

lavagal · 10/03/2024 21:35

Tbf I'd split it in half - assume one half was your grandmothers that was left to him. I'd share that between their children. Then keep the half that grandad left to you.

I'd be a bit passed if my mothers finances were left assuming they would be split between her children and then the will was changed after her death

lavagal · 10/03/2024 21:35

*pissed

Toooldtoworry · 10/03/2024 21:37

His wishes were stated in the will. Don't vary that to appease others. You won't please everyone no matter what you do.

Beanie567 · 10/03/2024 21:39

Yes I would share, probably as above, keep half and share half.

UseItOrloseItt · 10/03/2024 21:40

Tbf I'd split it in half - assume one half was your grandmothers that was left to him. I'd share that between their children. Then keep the half that grandad left to you

I agree with this.

The thought of me dying before dh then him cutting our dc out of his will - the money that belonged to both of us - makes my stomach turn.

Should he do such a thing after I'm gone, I wouldn't want him buried next to me either tbh so I see your families' point.

Toooldtoworry · 10/03/2024 21:42

UseItOrloseItt · 10/03/2024 21:40

Tbf I'd split it in half - assume one half was your grandmothers that was left to him. I'd share that between their children. Then keep the half that grandad left to you

I agree with this.

The thought of me dying before dh then him cutting our dc out of his will - the money that belonged to both of us - makes my stomach turn.

Should he do such a thing after I'm gone, I wouldn't want him buried next to me either tbh so I see your families' point.

Then make sure you own your property tenants in common and leave your share to your DC with DH having a lifetime interest. It's not difficult to resolve when still alive.

MyLottie · 10/03/2024 21:46

Actually I can see the point about the grandmothers wishes. I assume she left the majority of her half to your grandfather on the understanding their children would eventually benefit.

If you are feeling unsure morally what to do, you could consider splitting half - effectively the grandmothers half - amongst their children. And keep half as your grandfather wanted you to have it.

UseItOrloseItt · 10/03/2024 21:48

Then make sure you own your property tenants in common and leave your share to your DC with DH having a lifetime interest. It's not difficult to resolve when still alive

I'm aware of this. However it appears the op's grandmother wasn't based on the previous will.

There are two ways to go- what's legal and what's right. In the op's shoes I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I kept all the money.

Shetlands · 10/03/2024 21:48

You loved your Grandfather and he loved you. The best thing you can do is to honour his wishes and accept the money he left for you. The other relatives can complain all they like but it would be very unfair to your Grandfather to do what they want rather than what HE wanted. Please don't be bullied by them.

One of my relatives is leaving me a lot of money and nothing to her other relatives. There will be nasty words and tantrums about it from some quarters but she's told me to ignore it and made me promise to keep what she's leaving me. I intend to do that.

lavagal · 10/03/2024 21:51

@Shetlands that is all very well when it's one persons estate only. It sounds like op's grandmother has already passed and did so thinking her children would benefit as the will stayed at the time,

I just couldn't do that I'm afraid

lavagal · 10/03/2024 21:51

*Stated

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/03/2024 21:54

Don’t let yourself be manipulated!

My DM had this when her uncle left her most of his estate (a lot!) when we were young kids. He’d stayed with us though so could see how poor we were and wanted to help us out. Luckily no one actually said anything but my grandfather raged against it as some of uncle’s friends got something they weren’t supposed to have. He’d been expecting at least uncle’s nice big house in Cornwall to live in. No matter that the brothers rarely saw or spoke to each other and my DM looked after my uncle when he was dying of cancer and they actually got on.

The only thing I’d say is some people love to shit stir and bring things up so I’d just shut that talk down.

Original poster
Owlmum · 10/03/2024 21:55

Sorry to add my grandmother passed away 25 years ago. At that time they had no savings and the house was in my grandfathers name. As a few of you have said I don’t think what ever decision I make will be the right one for everyone.

OP posts:
coldcallerbaiter · 10/03/2024 21:56

I believe Wills should split equally unless there is a major reason for not doing so. So it depends on if the others treated him badly.

BlueScrunchies · 10/03/2024 21:56

The right thing is to honour his wishes. Don’t feel pressured into doing otherwise.

No one is entitled to an inheritance and family members should not be basing their finances or any future plans around it. So there is nothing to “see right” here.

I appreciate you are in a tough spot though, money brings out the worst parts of people.

UseItOrloseItt · 10/03/2024 21:56

What difference does the house being in your grandfather's name make?

westisbest1982 · 10/03/2024 21:57

lavagal · 10/03/2024 21:51

@Shetlands that is all very well when it's one persons estate only. It sounds like op's grandmother has already passed and did so thinking her children would benefit as the will stayed at the time,

I just couldn't do that I'm afraid

OP will never know her grandmother’s wishes, and she’s due to inherit one estate, not two, so your point is irrelevant.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/03/2024 21:57

Owlmum · 10/03/2024 21:55

Sorry to add my grandmother passed away 25 years ago. At that time they had no savings and the house was in my grandfathers name. As a few of you have said I don’t think what ever decision I make will be the right one for everyone.

In that case, hold onto the money. Should things change down the line and you’d like to help then good but don’t be manipulated after he’s died into making guilt payments to anyone.

Stroganoff88 · 10/03/2024 21:58

You were the one that looked after him though so he wanted you to have it.