Inheritance guilt

[Owlmum]

Long story short my Grandfather passed away last year, I’ve been closest to him my whole life. He has other grandchildren but it’s always been me and him. Unfortunately he was always falling out with various family members over the years so had a troubled relationship with most of the family. Generally it was only me that visited and looked after him. Sadly he passed away last year and the will has divided the family. He changed his will unbeknown to any of us 6 years ago to leave me the majority share and his children a very small amount each. Understandably this has caused alot of upset and bad feeling as it’s felt that the previous will which was written over 30 years ago should have still been in place. The old will saw his children each receiving an equal share. Im now being pressured into making the “right” decision and one aunt even came out and said im sure you will see us all right. I now see the money which would be life changing for me as a curse and something I shouldn’t be accepting. It’s even causing upset with his ashes as the family refuse to put his ashes in with my grandmother as she’d be apparently turning in her grave at what he’s done.
AIBU if I don’t share my share

Take your time and don’t let anyone pressure you. My Uncle left everything to me as “no one else has bothered with me for 30 years”.
I relented To my mother’s pressure ( not her brother, but my Dad’s) and shared the estate equally between my three siblings and me with a large amount set aside for DM as well ( this was part was Uncles request).
I do regret sharing it as I did. Looking back, I should have given the others smaller, but still significant amounts, and kept the rest.
it is not the actual monetary amount I regret, but not following his wishes.
The not following his wishes part is what bothers me 8 years later.
Tell those looking for a handout, that you are still waiting for probate.

I think I'd do this too or, possibly, split it, to some extent, with the other grandchildren.

What sort of figure is it?

There is no quandry. There is a will setting out the testator wishes which is the whole point of making a will. HTH.

He had a right to leave you the money and you should accept it. Please don’t give in to any pressure - they will always resent you whatever you do.

@Owlmum. They sound fairly awful and he made the decision as being what he wanted. Please don't fail to carry out his wishes and give the money to them as it disrespects his memory and what he wanted. Give it to charity first if you feel guilty having it

I’d agree with this to keep the peace. Technically you don’t owe them anything but they should probably get what their mum would have given them.

Their dad made his wishes clear, if I didn’t pop around or look after someone but my niece did I wouldn’t be expecting a penny.

Who is the executor?
Is it you?

If so, you then have no choice but to follow the will. That is your legal duty.

If it is someone else, then they have that duty.

An executor cannot randomly divide the estate in another way.

A beneficiary can give away their bequest.

So you could choose to give someone else some money from what you inherit.

You will need to pay the Inheritance tax within six months of death (UK) so if he died last year time is ticking.

Then, if you chooses to give a gift to one or more of the other relatives you can give within the tax limits, ie under 3k, or after that they will be paying tax on the gift (that you've already paid tax on).

Probably nothing more ‘sinister’ than things like this have changed over recent years. My mum was never on the house deeds from the early 60s, nothing more to it than that’s just how things were done at that time

His decision was cleat and completely fair. His children were happy for you to look after him and just assumed he'd still reward them for doing nothing for him? No. Don't disrespect him by giving his money away to people that didn't care enough to be there for him.

And the fact that they're "punishing" their dead father by refusing to bury him with his wife is, quite frankly, vile. It shows how little they actually care.

I wonder how they'd have treated him in life had they known considering how they treated him when they thought they were getting something.

Youre hit a close family and they behaved like petulant children. They wouldnt be getting a prnny from me.

Everyone saying share. No, that is not what he wanted. It would be wrong to go against HIS wish IMO.

@Stroganoff88 although that's a alid view, it requires acceptance that he had the eight to overrule his deceased wife's wishes, on the assumption that as is traditional she left all her assets to him on the understanding that they would be divided between her offspring when he passed on. For the purposes of this position her assets include the valid legal claim she had on 50% of the marital home which is hers by right regardless of whose name is on the deeds. This alternative pov is equally valid and there's no clearcut answer. It's valid to take a position on one siide or the other.

In the nicest way, from what you've said your GM didn't have 'share', not legally while they were married anyway. If they had been tenants in common it would be different.

And the fact that they haven't bothered with your GD in about 8 years and then started reappearing within the year as he was approaching death speaks to what vultures they are.

I would say their 'share' will take as long as probate takes and then send them the amount your grandfather wished.

Having had a DM just pass away I implore you to respect the wishes in his will. He was of sound mind and sounds like he had the measure of his children.

Would they give you a share under the old will? I doubt it.
Would it be the end of the world if they never spoke to you again? Sounds to me like it would be a relief!

Does the OP say her grandmother had a will leaving everything to her grandfather? Maybe the children were absolutely awful, maybe they didn’t bother visiting their father for years, maybe the OP was the only person to spend time with him. Maybe all the children are financially ok with their own homes whilst the OP has no money and is renting a hovel? Who knows - but what we do know is that the will is a legal document that needs to be followed in almost all circumstances. If the OP is on benefits and gives away her inheritance this would be seen as deprivation of assets and her benefits would be stopped even though she’d given away the money.

@Owlmum I’m normally an everything split fairly person for dc.
However these dc have not bothered with their df but suddenly want an equal share of his money.
Your grandfather was an astute man, he recognised that his dc didn’t bother about him. He also wisely left them something so they can’t contest the will.
It’s up to you but I think the ‘right’ thing in this case is to do as your grandfather asked.

Who was the executor of the estate and who actually has his ashes? Who planned his funeral?

The family members sound greedy and terrible, and he had very good reason not to give them anything.

I would keep every penny. He wanted you to have that money! Perhaps they should have bothered looking after their own father instead of letting you do it all.

Take it all and don't let them guilt trip you.

Difficult one for me. Legally it's yours . But what does it mean that he had a difficult relationship with other family and kept falling out with them. Do you know what his intension was on changing his will, was he just recognising what you did for him or being vindictive. I generally think what's left is family money. I would not want to inherit a whole estate and feel others hadn't had their share regardless of their flaws . It wouldn't be worth the ill feeling for me. I would find a way of splitting it somehow. Yes honour your grandfatgers wishes is one thing but he should not wished to hand you a poisoned chalice and that's not fair. Do what sits right with you, he's not here and it makes no difference to him.

I think you should tell them you are grieving still and will not be making a decision in the near future. Honestly, anyone who values their relationship with you would not do this to you so quite frankly my advice is to give nothing to no one and if later down the track if you have done this and a family member has still stuck by you - then maybe consider giving them something if you want to. It makes me feel sick that you loved your grandfather and he loved you - and he wanted you to have his money and you have people in your family pressuring you to give them some. They are very grabby.

I wonder if a reason why OP is feeling guilty is because one of the siblings is her parent? It’s a horrible situation, but I still think she could keep what’s rightfully hers. OP could give the siblings a million pounds each and it still wouldn’t be enough for them.

Whatever you do they’ll hate you anyway because this goes deeper than money.

He wanted you to have it, and it was his money and his choice so keep it all.

If it is life changing then change your life and get away from those that don’t like you or have a problem with you.

So what if one of them is her parent? Both my parents saw their parents regularly when they grew up, yes probably more out of duty but they still saw them.

In my case, one of my aunts who was 11/12 at the time stayed with my Great uncle who was her Uncle and apparently she wrote back to her parents some not very nice comments about her uncle/aunt which were discovered - maybe before she sent the letter. Yes she was a child but she wasn’t as close after that to her uncle and apparently that was why he didn’t favour her (she was left a small amount). My grandad bless him was lovely but from a rich family who’d lost things in world wars and thought the world owed him a living but made bad choices financially when he grew up. My uncle left family antiques to my mum as he thought grandad would sell them as he had done in the past. It was awful for us as a family because they hung around like vultures for ages after the will was read and estate divided (when my DM invited them over for lunch/dinner several times) expecting my DM to give them something which she didn’t do. My grandad was left a good amount of money by his brother anyway. It really showed me how mercenary people are though when it comes to wills and money.

It’s even causing upset with his ashes as the family refuse to put his ashes in with my grandmother as she’d be apparently turning in her grave at what he’s done

OP, as gently as possible, your GM is dead and won't know. This is crass emotional manipulation at a time when you're vulnerable. I'm sorry to say that your family sound horrible.

He wanted to to have it. If he wanted others to have any he would have requested that in his latest and last will.
'See alright' fuck off with that, it's grabby and entittled. They didn't make the effort when he was alive.