Inheritance guilt

[Owlmum]

Long story short my Grandfather passed away last year, I’ve been closest to him my whole life. He has other grandchildren but it’s always been me and him. Unfortunately he was always falling out with various family members over the years so had a troubled relationship with most of the family. Generally it was only me that visited and looked after him. Sadly he passed away last year and the will has divided the family. He changed his will unbeknown to any of us 6 years ago to leave me the majority share and his children a very small amount each. Understandably this has caused alot of upset and bad feeling as it’s felt that the previous will which was written over 30 years ago should have still been in place. The old will saw his children each receiving an equal share. Im now being pressured into making the “right” decision and one aunt even came out and said im sure you will see us all right. I now see the money which would be life changing for me as a curse and something I shouldn’t be accepting. It’s even causing upset with his ashes as the family refuse to put his ashes in with my grandmother as she’d be apparently turning in her grave at what he’s done.
AIBU if I don’t share my share

My point was, you don't have to have a relationship that's disintegrated to leave someone out of your will. Just a pretty much non-existent one for whatever reason.

Anyway, IMO OP shouldn't cave. Because whatever she offers won't be enough.

Thanks for that groundbreaking insight.

The executors are obliged to distribute the estate in accordance with the terms of the will. OP will receive what the will says. The siblings are all named in the will, but won't be getting the amounts they were expecting.

Once the OP inherits, the money is hers. She can do what she likes with it, including giving it away. I tend to agree with PP that whatever she offers will not be enough and relationships will never be the same. They have already changed because the siblings are pressuring OP to do what they want.

OP will have to decide what kind of relationships she wants going forward. Does she pay to maintain relationships with her relatives? Does she keep the money and lose the relationships? Neither sounds like a great choice.

I’ve just spent a rather long time on the phone about my will this morning . It’s £400 plus to talk to our solicitor for an hour. You have to pay inheritance tax after the first so many thousand. He stressed that before anyone spoke to him about the will the first port of call should be the funeral directors. Body dead and buried,and that’s what I would advise op to say to family. The will is not to be discussed until dgf is next to his wife. Probate is taking an age these days and I’m amazed that op will be able to dispense money before inheritance tax is dealt with.

Well, of course you do, but that is probably down to your 3 month old being too young to appreciate presents right now. It's not down to you deciding to spend more on the 12 year old and then continuing that through their entire life, is it?

The specific will is about children receiving very little in favour of a grandchild of one of the children. So it is relevant. When people are asked to think about these specific circumstances in relation to their own family unit, it touches a nerve because they can see how unfair it is when looking at it through the lens of their own children.

The specific will is about children receiving very little in favour of a grandchild of one of the children.

I think it's a child of one of the children.

I'm saying that looking at it through the lens of your own relationships isn't going to help, as the GF and his children clearly had very different relationships to me and mine. I would not care if my parents left more/ different amounts to my siblings (if they had anything to leave), because of our specific circumstances and needs. That doesn't mean I go into inheritance threads insisting no-one should care because it happens that looking through the lens of my situation, I don't.

It's irrelevant anyway, the GF had decided what he wants to do with his own money. The idea that it's owed to people just because they're related is not something I can get behind.

Your grandmother probably wouldn’t leave money to anyone that wouldn’t visit in 8-10 years.

The GM died 25 years ago - no-one knows what’s happened in the intervening years and why the GF has fallen out with each of his 4 children. She may well have been like many of us in wanting each of her children to inherit equally and trusted her DH to do the same.

Hold on to that money - it’s life changing and they are being spiteful.

if they’d cared for your granda as you did they might still be in his will.

Did u miss the bit where it says they didn't really bother with him? I think he's been absolutely correct to change it. I know an elderly lady whose family don't bother with her and when they do they make out she's a nuisance. She has really good neighbours that go above and beyond. Obv it's nothing to do with me but I'd love it if her will was made out to the neighbours and not her family.

@Looneytune253 that will probably be because “Unfortunately he was always falling out with various family members over the years so had a troubled relationship with most of the family”

Put it all in a bank then tell all the family members that they stressed you out so much that you gave it all away to charity!

Honour your grandfather’s dying wishes and do not be coerced by others. They likely won’t have a good attitude to you anyway I shouldn’t imagine because they don’t know how to maintain good familial relationships by the sound of their history with grandfather and each other. Enjoy your inheritance and honour his memory in peace at knowing you are doing what he wanted with his own money. (As sounds as if it was his rather than grandmother’s)

Tbh. I'd share it.

I wouldn't want a family fall out over money.

These things are never black and white, but given that two of his children were into OP about ‘their’ share on the day their father passed away, I’d take a guess that those two weren’t terribly caring whilst their father was alive.

Pissed off.

No, don't share it. It's not what he wanted.

Probably because he was the sort of person who was always falling out with people as the OP says. I’m not sure I’d be terribly caring either if I was on the receiving end on unpleasantness every time I saw my father.

It’s often the case that grandparents are very different with their grandchildren though.

Sounds like the siblings were falling out between themselves anyway:
"The 4 siblings have been falling out and making up again ever since I was small. My grandfather often got involved in the squabbles and so also fell out with 2 of them frequently."

I wonder which camp OP's parent fell into?

Yes, it sounds like there were sibling squabbles and their father got involved. He had a troubled relationship with them whereas the siblings fell out and made up again.

Either way, he’s landed his troubles at the door of the OP.

@Owlmum don't know if anyone has mentioned it or not (sorry have only read your posts), but presumably your grandfather had the deed to the grave where your grandmother is, in which case it has probably passed to you (if it wasn't directly left to someone else and you were left the residue of the estate). So they couldn't stop you burying your grandfather there.

You can't please everyone so you might as well please yourself. You and your Grandfather were particularly close. You had a bond and I'm assuming he was of sound mind when he made his will.
No matter how much you might have given to his offspring it wouldn't be enough unless you gave them what they had expected to receive , so take what you were bequeathed and honour the relationship you had with him by putting it to good use and enjoying it. And treasure your memories