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Original poster

Accused of financial abuse and theft by my sister

382 replies

Mayamymay · 29/12/2023 09:57

Hi, I hope you’ve all enjoyed Christmas. I actually thought I’d posted last night, but it’s nowhere to be seen!!

A few years ago I fell into some financial difficulties and had a lot of debt at high interest rates. My poor credit rating meant that I wasn’t able to move the debt to a cheaper option.

My parents are retired, comfortable with no debt, but by no means rich. I adore them both. They were keen to help and allowed me to take a loan and a few 0% cards (all with relatively low limits) in their names to save on interest costs. I manage the accounts Online and make the payments directly from my account. They are very clear that they’re pleased to help, but that they see it as their debt in name only. There is no cost to them whatsoever. The payments are made on time. I’ll occasionally use the cards if necessary. We’ve had the awful conversation about inheritance etc and I’ve been clear that if my parents died then any outstanding debt but be cleared from my share of the inheritance. My siblings would not be impacted whatsoever.

my sister has found out about our arrangement as has kicked off, accusing me of being a thief and a financial abuser. Our relationship has been strained for a while now. Dh says that she’s just spiteful and needs go fuck off, but she’s hit a nerve and I can’t stop crying.

is my husband right, and should have just ignore her?

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 29/12/2023 09:59

Isn’t that fraud?

MalcolmTuckersDisdainfulSneer · 29/12/2023 09:59

She sounds very dramatic, but tbh, I wouldn't take a loan out in someone else's name. If you are in debt and they aren't particularly wealthy, it really won't take much for this to go wrong.

You aren't a thief or financial abuser though. That's far too strong (unless you're missing something major out of the story)

Mummysatthebodyshop · 29/12/2023 10:01

Tis a bit off to use the credit cards when you're still paying it off.

NoSquirrels · 29/12/2023 10:01

If it’s causing tension, you should end the arrangement. You shouldn’t ever be using the cards, only paying them off.

Why isn’t it possible for your DH to help you?

Shinyandnew1 · 29/12/2023 10:03

Taking a loan AND several credit cards seems a lot?

If it’s all above board, not fraudulent and your parents are happy though, why didn’t they tell your sister that?

Original poster
Mayamymay · 29/12/2023 10:04

I don’t think so, the credit card companies allowed us to transfer the balance to the new card in their name. I don’t think we’ve broken any rules??

OP posts:
raindropsonatinroof · 29/12/2023 10:04

Hmmm, it's not financial abuse if they are of sound mind and offered it to you. BUT, taking loans out in another person's name isn't great is it and why are you using credit cards if you are struggling already?- the fees on those are ridiculously high. Why didnt you get debt advice help rather than taking out further loans and credit cards? what happens if you can't pay them?

Original poster
Mayamymay · 29/12/2023 10:05

They have told her, but our relationship issues run deep so I think it’s more than just money

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 29/12/2023 10:05

You need to stop using the cards.

It’s one thing for them to help you avoid interest by paying off debt, with you paying them a decent amount with a clear plan to pay off all the credit and close it, but it’s another to essentially be using them like a credit facility.

I dont think it makes you a financial abuser, but it’s clear your sister is not happy… is she usually reasonable?

Nancy1906 · 29/12/2023 10:06

I had done the same in my mums name,paid it all off. Then I offered her the same ... its fine and no ones business. Hardly financial abuse if they are not impacted.

Catsknowbest · 29/12/2023 10:07

This sounds really problematic and you definitely shouldn't use the cards that were set up as 0% to help clear the debt. I also know that using them could get you into really hot water- even having control over them. It is technically fraud. Although your sister may seem unreasonable to you in her mind she probably just sees debts in her parents names and how is she to know it won't go horribly wrong? It may not be as much about the inheritance as she is not happy with the debts being in your parents names. And tbh I'd be the same.

Original poster
Mayamymay · 29/12/2023 10:07

Not really. She’s difficult

OP posts:
ripplingwater · 29/12/2023 10:07

Why do you need a "few" credit cards? why not just one? it sounds like this is just helping you getting into even more debt

xyz111 · 29/12/2023 10:08

A few people have said it which you aren't answering - why are you using the cards when you have loads of debt? I assume DH has bad credit too?
Your sister is probably worried that you could stop paying the payments and then they would be saddled with the debt as it's in their name.

Original poster
Mayamymay · 29/12/2023 10:09

I needed to transfer a chunk of debt so we spread it across a few smaller limit cards as that was what was available

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 29/12/2023 10:10

I would be uncomfortable if my sibling was doing this especially if they didn't have good track record with money.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/12/2023 10:10

We’ve had the awful conversation about inheritance etc and I’ve been clear that if my parents died then any outstanding debt but be cleared from my share of the inheritance. My siblings would not be impacted whatsoever

All well and good and I hope that's documented. Looking at the now - what happens if you default on the several cards in your parents' names that you keep using and the credit card companies come after your parents for the debt?

Original poster
Mayamymay · 29/12/2023 10:10

Hi, I’ve used them on occasion when ve had a big bill just before payday etc, however I’ve always increased payment to clear the amount of I’ve spent etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mayamymay · 29/12/2023 10:12

I know that’s a risk but I’m on a secure job and am on top of my finances so I think that’s very unlikely. I do know it’s a risk though and it’s one of the things that we discussed

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 29/12/2023 10:12

I’ll occasionally use the cards if necessary.
Do you pay off the purchase in full that month when you do this, in addition to the repayment for the existing balance?

If not then you're getting further into debt living beyond your means and using your parents to facilitate that.

stackhead · 29/12/2023 10:12

I have done the same for my sister. One card with a fairly high limit and 0% interest. She transfers over the DD amount every month. Its debt in my name yes but it stops her from paying ridiculous amounts of interest every month and gives her an actual chance at paying it off.

However. The difference in our set ups is that she doesn't have access to the card or the account and she's not adding more money to the debt.

The red flag for me in your situation is that you are still using the cards. That suggests poor money management and I'd be worried if my sister was doing that to my parents too.

HelenTudorFisk · 29/12/2023 10:12

You are still using the cards, which means you aren’t living within your means. I think your sister has a right to be concerned as this has clear potential to go very wrong very quickly.

raindropsonatinroof · 29/12/2023 10:13

HelenTudorFisk · 29/12/2023 10:12

You are still using the cards, which means you aren’t living within your means. I think your sister has a right to be concerned as this has clear potential to go very wrong very quickly.

I agree. I would be very concerned if my sibling was doing this.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/12/2023 10:13

Incidentally, taking out several cards over a short period of time raises flags about credit worthiness, in this case your parents. And opening loan facilities in someone else's name is identity theft.

Team sis here.

Icantbedoingwithit · 29/12/2023 10:14

Cannot believe you are still using the cards with all that debt. I don’t blame your sister at all. And this is going on years? Nope. You are taking the piss.