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Original poster

(lack of) inheritance. AIBU?

130 replies

Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 18:41

Hello all. I'm not sure if I being totally unresonable here, please share your thoughts. It's a bit of an awkward topic and I almost feel ashamed to ask it..
My granparents died within a few months of each other just before COVID. They weren't particularly hands on but my Mum and Dad always took me to see them (they lived close by), get them involved in things etc. I am an only child.

When both died, my Dad and his sister were involved in selling their house (not worth very much - 90K) and dealing with money related things. Growing up, I always assumed that I would have some money via the will as they only ever gave me about £20 per year (£10 for xmas and £10 for birthdays) and was assured that I would 'have more money when we are gone' as my Nan would say.
I wasnt put into t
he will (neither were my cousins). Everything was left to my Dad and Aunty. A few years later and I have never had anything from this. It hurts me as I feel like I wasnt important to them, nor my Dad who clearly has no intentions of giftign me any. I feel a bit pissed off. I'm not spoilt by any means, but christ, I loved them so much and made such an effort with them (especially from my teen years onwards) and I feel disspaointed like I have never been considered in any of this.

My parents are very low income which means opportunities for them as well as me have been limited. Would I be unreasonable to ask my parents about this? I feel like, surely I deserve something?! Or, am I being entitled here? (I am not an entitled person at all, but who you grow up with no money, seeing everyone else with money having a better life, handed money and the opportunities that gives them.. I cant help but feel pissed off!).

Thoughts please!! xx

OP posts:
fluffypotatoes · 30/10/2023 18:42

It sounds like your grandparents knew your parents would need it. In a way it means you can worry less about their old age.

StylishM · 30/10/2023 18:42

You don't put in time and effort for relatives purely to benefit from their estate Confused I've not read something so entitled in a long, long time.

NunsKnickers · 30/10/2023 18:42

My feelings on this are that your grandparents chose not to leave you money so your Dad can do what he likes with it.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I know that money plus family can be tricky.

GrazingSheep · 30/10/2023 18:43

If your grandmother wanted you to have more money she would have made provision for you in her will.

Labradoodlie · 30/10/2023 18:45

If your parents are on certain benefits, they wouldn’t be allowed to give away an inheritance. They’d be expected to live on it instead.

Pritipoll · 30/10/2023 18:45

Imo it's right that your parent and his or her sibling inherit if that is what was in grandparent will. I love my grandchildren very much but plan to leave any money to my own children. My grandchildren will probably be helped out by their parents but they will have to wait untill their parents die.

Farmageddon · 30/10/2023 18:46

People usually don't skip a generation when it comes to leaving something in their will. Or if they do it's for a specific reason.

Perhaps your grandparents rightly assumed that your dad and his sister would need it to help their retirement or pay off debts or something.

Presumably you will inherit something from your dad when he passes.

nibblessquibbles · 30/10/2023 18:46

I think for that generation it's quite normal to leave to the children IE your dad and aunty and then assume that they'll do the same.
So I think the issue is really that you think your Dad won't leave you any? Because I don't see why you expect your grandparents would automatically leave some to the grandkids.

PermanentTemporary · 30/10/2023 18:47

It might be that your Nan thought of all of you as a unit, so that money coming to your Dad was the same as it coming to you, in that presumably eventually you will be in your Dad's will.

She may also have thought that £90k was an impossibly huge amount of money (which it really is) and hadn't taken in how much it costs now to do something like buy a house.

I think your Nan was wrong to make vague statements about which money was going where, because imo you should either not talk about inheritance at all or (better) do it properly by sharing clear information about your will.

However, what's done is done. Be happy that your Dad has more resources for his old age, and get on with building your own resources. It can be done. Eg have you got career advice? What are the options for you to increase your income?

ssd · 30/10/2023 18:47

You lost me at 'not very much-90k'

Acheyknees · 30/10/2023 18:47

My family have left money in their wills to their children, never grandchildren so I would never expect any. I loved my GP's too and spent lots of time with them. Probably your family is the same as mine, any money is left to children not grandchildren.

CatherinedeBourgh · 30/10/2023 18:48

Neither I, nor anyone I know inherited anything from our grandparents (nor expected to). I think it's the exception rather than the rule, tbh. Inheritance usually goes to the children. Sometimes they may decide to pass it on, but it's up to them.

CyberCritical · 30/10/2023 18:50

It's pretty standard for inheritance to go to the persons child which it did in this case. I only inherited from my grandparent because my parents had already passed so they split my mums portion between me and my brothers.

Startagainjanuary · 30/10/2023 18:51

My parents actually talked my Nan out of leaving her only grandchildren 10k each. I’m not bothered I just feel sad for them being so self centred and miserly. The irony is that if my Nan had put it in her will as she wanted her house would have actually sold for 165k in 2006 when she died (before the 2008 crash). As it was my parents held onto it and tried to live in it and when they realised they didn’t like living in it they rented it out and sold it in 2014 (after they retired) for 115k so in fact they ended up 50k worse off. I’ve just given my 18 year old 10k as an 18th birthday present and 8k for his Uni accommodation. I give him what I can afford I would never dream of diverting any potential inheritance. I don’t believe I will receive any inheritance from my parents and my husband did not either. We have both retired in our fifties. Don’t presume or covet any inheritance it stunts your life.

mynameiscalypso · 30/10/2023 18:51

I didn't expect - and didn't - receive any money when any of my grandparents died. It was split between their children (my parents/uncles and aunts). The only exception was my cousins on one side inherited directly as their mother (my aunt) died when they were children. Which seemed fair enough. I thought that was pretty standard. When my DPs die, any inheritance will be split between me and my brother (after some charity donations). I wouldn't expect them to leave it directly to their grandchildren (and know they haven't)

willowthecat · 30/10/2023 18:52

I think it's only in TV Victorian melodramas that wills specify that every family member is to receive a specific sum based on how much the will writer likes each person - normally is just to the next generation unless there is a vast estate/empire to pass on

IhearyouClemFandango · 30/10/2023 18:52

Leaving to children not grandchildren is the norm tbh.

As for the present thing, blimey.

CuteCillian · 30/10/2023 18:53

I'm sure your GParents assumed your father would leave any inheritance left, to you. Why are you so sure he will have nothing to leave?

Mazuslongtoenail · 30/10/2023 18:54

I think that’s the most normal way of leaving the money - split between children. I wouldn’t see it as a sign that they didn’t care for you.

ZekeZeke · 30/10/2023 18:55

You sound grabby and entitled.

SomersetBrie · 30/10/2023 18:55

ssd · 30/10/2023 18:47

You lost me at 'not very much-90k'

I suppose this depends where you live. You wouldn't get anything for 90k where I am, not even a studioflat.

Brumbies · 30/10/2023 18:56

OP I can't believe you're so insensitive. No one is entitled to benefit from a Will. What a knob you sound.

WhereDoYouGo1 · 30/10/2023 18:57

I thought it was the norm to pass on inheritance to children not grandchildren. Maybe your grandparents wrote their will a long time ago. My parents wrote their will in the 1970s before their grandchildren were born.

Maybe if your grandparents left a lot of money your father could have given you some as a gift?

I wasn’t left anything by my grandparents and tbh it didn’t cross my mind (not a lot to leave mind.)

PosterBoy · 30/10/2023 18:58

It's not normal for grandkids to get anything in the will. Sometimes a token few hundred but often it just goes to the children.

Ask your parents how much they inherited from their own grandparents for reference

Aydel · 30/10/2023 18:58

Get over yourself. You sound lovely…

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