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Original poster

(lack of) inheritance. AIBU?

130 replies

Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 18:41

Hello all. I'm not sure if I being totally unresonable here, please share your thoughts. It's a bit of an awkward topic and I almost feel ashamed to ask it..
My granparents died within a few months of each other just before COVID. They weren't particularly hands on but my Mum and Dad always took me to see them (they lived close by), get them involved in things etc. I am an only child.

When both died, my Dad and his sister were involved in selling their house (not worth very much - 90K) and dealing with money related things. Growing up, I always assumed that I would have some money via the will as they only ever gave me about £20 per year (£10 for xmas and £10 for birthdays) and was assured that I would 'have more money when we are gone' as my Nan would say.
I wasnt put into t
he will (neither were my cousins). Everything was left to my Dad and Aunty. A few years later and I have never had anything from this. It hurts me as I feel like I wasnt important to them, nor my Dad who clearly has no intentions of giftign me any. I feel a bit pissed off. I'm not spoilt by any means, but christ, I loved them so much and made such an effort with them (especially from my teen years onwards) and I feel disspaointed like I have never been considered in any of this.

My parents are very low income which means opportunities for them as well as me have been limited. Would I be unreasonable to ask my parents about this? I feel like, surely I deserve something?! Or, am I being entitled here? (I am not an entitled person at all, but who you grow up with no money, seeing everyone else with money having a better life, handed money and the opportunities that gives them.. I cant help but feel pissed off!).

Thoughts please!! xx

OP posts:
Autiebibliophile · 30/10/2023 21:17

If nothing was left to you specifically. You are not entitled to anything.

It's fairly usual to leave everything to your kids. My grandparents did this and myself and cousins didn't get anything

JollyHostess101 · 30/10/2023 21:23

scoobydoo1971 · 30/10/2023 19:24

I have been left a large inheritance by my parents. I would give every penny back to have more time with them. I also struggle to decide what to do with the money, as I would feel guilty about spending it on stuff like holidays or flash cars knowing they worked hard for it. I am investing it for my children and their future. I hope this reflects what my parents would have wished. It is typical for heirs to be direct descendants. With larger estates, it can avoid having to pay inheritance tax because the residential home would be exempt for that calculation. Why not focus on the security the money is giving your parents and how it might improve their quality of life. Money does not bring happiness. I have lots of money, and poor health. I would give the lot away for a body transplant.

100% this I’d give anything to have more time with them so they could see my little girl grow up more than one of them did!!

I was thinking of tying up a sum for my daughter but have been advised not to as my inheritance is mine and what’s the point of maybe struggling some point down the line and a whole chunk is tied up?!! I’ll make sure some is invested for her future though like uni fees etc!!

WrongSwanson · 30/10/2023 21:23

Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 21:00

Hi everyone. Thank you for your thoughts.

I wanted to clear up that I was by absolutely no means expecting inheritance to skip a generation. In my eyes, £100/£200 would be something that I would be very grateful for and perhaps I was totally wrong to think this would happen. In my social circle, all my friends have been gifted money from either grandparent will themselves or from their parent and so I assumed this was the norm. I am well aware this comes across as very distasteful. I guess this is why I asked a forum of strangers online - I would never contemplate saying these things outloud. I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable, and my answer is yes, I am! I appreciate this.

I stayed at home during university years and paid my parents the vast majority of my student loan as they were struggling financially which was my decision and I wanted to do this. I think I am frustrated with my current situation (trying very hard to better my career etc which has been a struggle). My frustration has probably been misplaced and I need to get over this.

Interesting to hear other people's perspectives. Maybe my friends aren't representative!

I think it's in understandable to wonder about this. And like you say, better to vent on here than upset family

We're sold this story that wealth and success is founded on hard work - when in reality we discover some people get a huge "leg up" in life. Keep going, you'll feel so proud of everything you accomplish on your own

viques · 30/10/2023 22:20

You lost me at “they only gave me about £20 a year”.

maybe you should have sounded a little bit more grateful.

housethatbuiltme · 31/10/2023 09:58

Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 21:00

Hi everyone. Thank you for your thoughts.

I wanted to clear up that I was by absolutely no means expecting inheritance to skip a generation. In my eyes, £100/£200 would be something that I would be very grateful for and perhaps I was totally wrong to think this would happen. In my social circle, all my friends have been gifted money from either grandparent will themselves or from their parent and so I assumed this was the norm. I am well aware this comes across as very distasteful. I guess this is why I asked a forum of strangers online - I would never contemplate saying these things outloud. I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable, and my answer is yes, I am! I appreciate this.

I stayed at home during university years and paid my parents the vast majority of my student loan as they were struggling financially which was my decision and I wanted to do this. I think I am frustrated with my current situation (trying very hard to better my career etc which has been a struggle). My frustration has probably been misplaced and I need to get over this.

Interesting to hear other people's perspectives. Maybe my friends aren't representative!

'I would never contemplate saying these things outloud'

Yet you started a thread about literally 'out loud' asking your father where your perceived entitled money is.

Its not just being 'curious' either your post was very sure of itself that you where correct... ranting about how you 'ONLY' got gifted £20 per year, you are feeling 'pissed off' about not being gifted anything (reiterated more than once), how you 'made such an effort' to be nice to your family (I mean who would do that if not for money?) and your 'opportunities' where 'limited' by your 'low income' parents etc...

Don't forget you 'feel' you 'SURELY deserve' something.

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