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Original poster

(lack of) inheritance. AIBU?

130 replies

Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 18:41

Hello all. I'm not sure if I being totally unresonable here, please share your thoughts. It's a bit of an awkward topic and I almost feel ashamed to ask it..
My granparents died within a few months of each other just before COVID. They weren't particularly hands on but my Mum and Dad always took me to see them (they lived close by), get them involved in things etc. I am an only child.

When both died, my Dad and his sister were involved in selling their house (not worth very much - 90K) and dealing with money related things. Growing up, I always assumed that I would have some money via the will as they only ever gave me about £20 per year (£10 for xmas and £10 for birthdays) and was assured that I would 'have more money when we are gone' as my Nan would say.
I wasnt put into t
he will (neither were my cousins). Everything was left to my Dad and Aunty. A few years later and I have never had anything from this. It hurts me as I feel like I wasnt important to them, nor my Dad who clearly has no intentions of giftign me any. I feel a bit pissed off. I'm not spoilt by any means, but christ, I loved them so much and made such an effort with them (especially from my teen years onwards) and I feel disspaointed like I have never been considered in any of this.

My parents are very low income which means opportunities for them as well as me have been limited. Would I be unreasonable to ask my parents about this? I feel like, surely I deserve something?! Or, am I being entitled here? (I am not an entitled person at all, but who you grow up with no money, seeing everyone else with money having a better life, handed money and the opportunities that gives them.. I cant help but feel pissed off!).

Thoughts please!! xx

OP posts:
Burpsandrustles · 30/10/2023 19:27

Your hopes were raised by grandparents saying you will get something when we are gone. She was wrong... People are don't understand wills or anything usually.

Albioncreed · 30/10/2023 19:28

I think it’s unusual to have an expectation of money being left to grandchildren. My granny left money to be split among her 10
children. My mum was very kind and shared her portion with me and my brother: but that was never an expectation. I know my mum plans to leave her estate to my brother and I: not to grandchildren. However I think my sons grandparents on my husbands side plan to leave DS some money: but either way, its their choice

Albioncreed · 30/10/2023 19:30

I was offered a piece of granny’s jewellery: but instead I asked for her favourite cup, and a wee ornament, as they will always remind me of her. They may be financially worthless: but they are priceless to me

gamerchick · 30/10/2023 19:31

Yeah don't be that person OP. Let it go.

MILLYmo0se · 30/10/2023 19:31

By the time solicitor, funeral costs, estate agent, Revenue and any outstanding bills were paid off how much do you think was left? And then divide that between your dad, your aunt, you and all your cousins, do you think its really worth getting upset over?
You just misunderstood your grandmother, their estate goes to your dad, and eventually his to you.

Livelovebehappy · 30/10/2023 19:32

Yabvu. Money usually goes down to th3 next generation, just like when your df dies, his money and assets will go to you (unless h3chas a partner). That’s th3 way it’s always been. Sometimes grand parents might leave a small gift in their wills to gc, but that’s not the norm.

Iwantthistobemyyear · 30/10/2023 19:32

So your low income dad got 45k max, and you wanted a piece of this? Wouldn't you rather your parents be secure than have a few grand which won't do anything life changing for you.

Littlefish · 30/10/2023 19:33

It wouldn't have occurred to me to expect anything in any of my grandparents' wills.

WowOK · 30/10/2023 19:33

My parents Will leaves me approx £250k. I have told them not to scrip in order to leave me assets. I would prefer them to enjoy their life and their money while they can. I am absolutely skint but I would prefer to have them. The money won't compensate for their loss.

Ultimately, nothing is guaranteed. My nan is currently paying £2000 a week for care home costs and will leave nothing.

Outliers · 30/10/2023 19:36

It comes across entitled.

Love your life without the expectation of handouts or windfalls and you're more likely to go far.

Reddog1 · 30/10/2023 19:37

It’s normal to leave it to the generation immediately below tbh OP.

But in fairness to you, I couldn’t imagine inheriting £45k and not giving a bit of it to my adult kids. Even £1k each towards a holiday or something. That said, your parents may be worried about their financial status in old age, and keen to hold on to it all.

And of course £90k is cheap for a property, and small as inheritances go. No idea why the pp was pretending not to understand that.

LegendsBeyond · 30/10/2023 19:37

You make your own way in life. Concentrate on getting the best qualifications & career you can. Earn your own money & stop expecting others to give you handouts.

Beeboopaboo · 30/10/2023 19:37

I don't think you're 'being entitled'. However, it's perfectly normal for people to leave what money and property they have to their kids and not their grandkids. Certainly doesn't mean she didn't love you.
Why not just ask your dad if he has any plans to make some of the money over to you (if there's any left)? If you have something specific and sensible you want it for, like a deposit on a flat, or to buy a car. Parents who are able to often help out their young adult children in this way. It's not an unreasonable conversation to have.

NoTouch · 30/10/2023 19:37

I didn't mean to sound entitled with this.

definition of entitled - believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.

How else would you describe it? You believe you deserved your grandparents money.

belgiumchocolates · 30/10/2023 19:37

I think inheritances are for the deceased persons children so I wouldn't expect to inherit from a Grandparent. But when your Dad dies you should be the beneficiary so you will get some money but just not yet

CheshireCat1 · 30/10/2023 19:39

I think you need to move on and just think about the happy times you spent with them, which is worth much more than any amount of money. They left what they had to their two children, one being your dad, and it’s up to them what they did with it.

Original poster
Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 19:39

Thanks for your reply. From speaking with friends, I thought leaving money for grandchildren was the norm! Appreciate your view.

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/10/2023 19:39

It's normal to leave any inheritance to the children not the grandchildren. It's then up to the beneficiaries whether to further gift some of that money to the grandchildren.

My Mum and Uncle each inherited approx £150k from my nan. I didn't expect anything, my mum did give me £1500 which was nice but not expected.

I think you sound awful and grabby.

Fifthtimelucky · 30/10/2023 19:40

I think you're being unreasonable.

My children's grandparents didn't leave them anything in their wills. My parents left their money to my siblings and me. My husband's parents left their money to him (only child).

By the time the last grandparent died we were able to forgo part of the inheritance and pass it directly to our children, but had we needed it we would have kept it.

It sounds like your parents need it themselves.

Alltheyearround · 30/10/2023 19:40

Sorry OP, I know it can sting not to have been thought of.

Of my 2 sets of grandparents, one gran had nothing really to gift but she was a lovely woman and gifted things worth more than money, such as lovely memories and love.

The other gran was the one with family money (from business, not landed gentry), and since my dad had already died young and she had fallen out with us 2 grandkids she left it all to the guide dogs.

So whenever I see one (or one in training), I have to smile wryly and say there goes my inheritance.

Although it would have made our lives a lot easier to have some capital behind us, we have done OK so far under our own steam.

And she could have left it to far worse causes than the guide dogs.

I think you just have to take life as it comes, this is one of those little snakes on the snakes and ladders board. Try not to feel bitter about it, it won't do you any good. You have to just do a shrug and walk on x

Original poster
Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 19:41

Appreciate this view. Maybe I am being entitled and I feel really bad for that. That is not how I want to be at all!

OP posts:
fairymary87 · 30/10/2023 19:42

Wow, it was their mum. She looked after her kids. End of. This is the most entitled post ever

Original poster
Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 19:44

ssd · 30/10/2023 18:47

You lost me at 'not very much-90k'

I did not mean for this to sound entitled. The house was sold for 90K which I describe as not very much in relation to house prices generally. Of course 90K is a huge sum of money!

OP posts:
Chris002 · 30/10/2023 19:44

Do you know if they even left a will ?
If there is no will then the rules of intestacy apply.
That means the estate is distributed to the children of the Deceased first.
Your nan may have promised you inheritance but did they even write a will ?
If they did write a will to include something for you and your cousins was it valid ? There can be lots of legal reasons why a will is invalid.
As things stand it will be up to your dad to either gift you something from his inheritance or for him to write a will naming you to receive his inheritance when he dies.

WhereWhoWhen · 30/10/2023 19:45

Wow, so bloody entitled.

Are you really saying that you deserve money because you visited your grandparents?!

What's wrong with £20 for Xmas?