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Original poster

(lack of) inheritance. AIBU?

130 replies

Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 18:41

Hello all. I'm not sure if I being totally unresonable here, please share your thoughts. It's a bit of an awkward topic and I almost feel ashamed to ask it..
My granparents died within a few months of each other just before COVID. They weren't particularly hands on but my Mum and Dad always took me to see them (they lived close by), get them involved in things etc. I am an only child.

When both died, my Dad and his sister were involved in selling their house (not worth very much - 90K) and dealing with money related things. Growing up, I always assumed that I would have some money via the will as they only ever gave me about £20 per year (£10 for xmas and £10 for birthdays) and was assured that I would 'have more money when we are gone' as my Nan would say.
I wasnt put into t
he will (neither were my cousins). Everything was left to my Dad and Aunty. A few years later and I have never had anything from this. It hurts me as I feel like I wasnt important to them, nor my Dad who clearly has no intentions of giftign me any. I feel a bit pissed off. I'm not spoilt by any means, but christ, I loved them so much and made such an effort with them (especially from my teen years onwards) and I feel disspaointed like I have never been considered in any of this.

My parents are very low income which means opportunities for them as well as me have been limited. Would I be unreasonable to ask my parents about this? I feel like, surely I deserve something?! Or, am I being entitled here? (I am not an entitled person at all, but who you grow up with no money, seeing everyone else with money having a better life, handed money and the opportunities that gives them.. I cant help but feel pissed off!).

Thoughts please!! xx

OP posts:
Meowandthen · 30/10/2023 19:47

I am embarrassed for you. What greedy entitlement.

No one is owed anything and it sounds as if your dad and aunt need this money.

Londonscallingme · 30/10/2023 19:49

ssd · 30/10/2023 18:47

You lost me at 'not very much-90k'

She actually said ‘not worth very much - 90k’ which is objectively not very much for a house to be worth in the uk.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 30/10/2023 19:49

Twentysomethingx · 30/10/2023 19:39

Thanks for your reply. From speaking with friends, I thought leaving money for grandchildren was the norm! Appreciate your view.

It’s only normal when the grandparents children are well off in my experience.

Otherwise the norm is to leave to your children.

Northernsoul72 · 30/10/2023 19:50

Vague statements from your nan about getting more " when she was gone" hasn't helped here. You do sound a bit entitled here I'm afraid with your " I made such an effort with them". You haven't got anything which may sting a bit, I get that. But accept in and move on with good grace. Be happy for your dad

ladycarlotta · 30/10/2023 19:50

They really might not have left much at all! If their 90k house was their only asset then nobody's gained a lifechanging sum through their passing. Maybe it would have been nice for your dad and aunt to send something your way but they were under no obligation and it really wouldn't have been much.

My grandfather died a few years ago leaving a will he made in the 90s (before half the grandkids were born), and which is so bare bones he might as well have not made it at all. I know that my parent and siblings each got about £100k from the sale of the house, and it was theirs to inherit. Of course it would have helped me or any of the grandkids to inherit a portion of that, but I can't resent it.

I think you've pinned too much expectation on what the money could have done for you, OP. I understand how hard it is to be poor and wish there was a clear 'out' in sight, especially these days. We're far less well-off than our grandparents or even parents were. So I get it. But I think your frustration is misplaced in this case.

Tequilamockinbird · 30/10/2023 19:51

Wow 😮.

Have you read your post back to yourself OP? I can't believe anyone could be this cold and entitled.

spacechimp79 · 30/10/2023 19:52

I have been left money as a grandchild, from my grandparents so I thought it was the norm. I also have friends that have been left money this way also.
Obviously the majority went to my parents and aunts and uncles but each grandchild received money. I got 1K from one, 3K from another.
I would be very surprised if my parents didn't leave a token amount to each grandchild also and I will probably do the same.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 30/10/2023 19:53

All of my grandparents are long gone and all of them left their estates directly to their children. I never expected or imagined anything else, tbh. My (childless) great-aunt did bequeath a small sum directly to each of me and my sibs, but the bulk of her estate (her DH having long predeceased her) went to her niece, my DM, who had cared for her. That's the way it usually goes. Occasionally, when there is a genuinely large as in well into six figs estate to leave, there is a small cash bequest to DGC, but this is relatively unusual, and only an option available to those with significant cash to leave on top of property usually.

Strictlymad · 30/10/2023 19:55

I have never heard of any ‘norm’ or ‘expectation’ to leave grandchildren money in a will, or for the children to gift it on to their children. There is no entitlement for anyone to get any money from someone’s death- even as far as the children are concerned if they elderly relative wants to spend the lot it’s their money!! I find an ‘expectation’ of money after death quite unsavoury tbh

Hayliebells · 30/10/2023 19:55

I thought it was relatively normal for children to be the only beneficiaries of an inheritance? I certainly wasn't left anything when my grandparents passed away, it all went to my mum and her sister. It has never occurred to me to be aggrieved by that.

LeonBlack · 30/10/2023 19:56

Good grief. You sound utterly mercenary.

It's completely normal to leave money to the next of kin ie the sons and daughters.

My parents died recently and they left almost everything to me and my siblings. They also made a small provision of £5k each to their 8 grandchildren, but this was entirely unexpected by them and whilst they were very touched, they also had zero expectation of being left anything.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 30/10/2023 19:56

There's a couple of different things to unpack here.

Firstly, people often make vague promises about "leaving you something when we've gone" but it doesn't mean anything unless it's written in the will. Sometimes people just say it because it's a nice thing to say.

Secondly, ten or twenty quid from your grandparents at birthdays and Christmasses sounds entirely reasonable to me, unless that are very well off which, from the house value of £90k, I would guess they were not.

Lastly, it is definitely more normal for the estate to be divided among the next generation, instead of including grandchildren. I think this is especially true if there isn't a large amount to leave. I inherited nothing from one set of grandparents who were not well off. I did inherit 10k from my other grandparents but that was because their estate was £700k+ and they could afford to give smaller bequests to the grandchildren as well as more significant amounts to their children.

housethatbuiltme · 30/10/2023 19:58

My god this is the most entitled and spoilt post I have read in a long time.

You are NOT owed anything... I don't know anyone who was left money by grandparents. Money goes to their children who then intern leave inheritance to their own children. You have zero claim to anything legally or morally.

What on earth makes you think you should get anything? is it really because you feel hard done by that you ONLY got £20 a year in gifts (seriously do you fucking hear yourself?).

Definitely some of that stereotypical 'only child' selfishness going on here... like a perfect cliche.

overwhelmed2023 · 30/10/2023 19:58

There's an obsession with inheritance lately - there's going to be a lot of disappointed people in the future!! People live longer and spend in retirement these days. Yes there's the house if owned but often people downsize and remortgage.

Aquestioningmind · 30/10/2023 20:00

I'm not spoilt by any means, but christ, I loved them so much and made such an effort with them (especially from my teen years onwards) and I feel disspaointed like I have never been considered in any of this.

That reads as though you made an effort because you felt you should get money. 'I made an effort and they didn't give me money.'

Would I be unreasonable to ask my parents about this? I feel like, surely I deserve something?!

No on ever deserves an inheritance. That's not why people love their families...unless they're you, apparently.

You are so utterly unreasonable I hope this is a joke thread tbh.

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 20:02

StylishM · 30/10/2023 18:42

You don't put in time and effort for relatives purely to benefit from their estate Confused I've not read something so entitled in a long, long time.

Me neither. They've had the cash book all year round out noting down 'only' (only!!!) £10 for xmas and £10 for birthdays.

Thoughts? says the OP - Just butter up your dad and aunty, (show them your 'love') and when they kick the bucket, there might be a nice little payday!

TooOldForThisNonsense · 30/10/2023 20:04

Blimey

they left their estate to their kids, hardly unusual or unreasonable

i adored my gran and was mega close to her but when she died she left her estate to my mum as I expected she would. Didn’t want or expect anything. My mum let me choose some keepsakes from her house which meant a lot to me.

YABU.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 30/10/2023 20:06

When my last grandparent died my mother gave me and my siblings some money each to buy a momento (think watch or jewellery, £100s not £1000s). It would be quite unusual to leave money to grandchildren in a will and likely to end up with complications about age etc unless for very small amounts.

ChristmasCrumpet · 30/10/2023 20:07

Two parents died and left their money equally between their two children.

And you're annoyed that you don't have a share.

Yes, to answer your question. You are unreasonable. And greedy.

Notwhatyouwanttohear · 30/10/2023 20:08

You are greedy and entitled.

Earn your own money.

Why does love equate to ££££ to some people.

GOODCAT · 30/10/2023 20:08

It is usual to leave your estate to your kids, not your grandchildren. It can be really hurtful to the kids if a generation is skipped.

Mumwithbaggage · 30/10/2023 20:09

Sounds like your parents need the money.

When my dad died his estate (not big) was left to me as an only child. I'm sure my dad would have wanted me to pass some on to his four grandchildren so I did - same for all regardless of very differing incomes. Because I was in a position to do so. House is in my name/husband's name. That will go into our pension when it sells. It will all go to the next generation eventually.

HauntedPencil · 30/10/2023 20:09

It's quite standard to leave the money to your children not grandchildren. I haven't had or expected to have anything from my grandparents

RedCoffeeCup · 30/10/2023 20:12

In my family, all money is split evenly between the children of the dead person. But grandchildren may be left token items (eg jewellery, a picture, a clock).

TheSugarcubes · 30/10/2023 20:13

I feel strongly that you shouldn't leave skip a generation and leave your money to your grandchildren unless your children are rich. I'll be leaving everything to my children and they can leave any money they have to their children and so on.