(lack of) inheritance. AIBU?

[Twentysomethingx]

Hello all. I'm not sure if I being totally unresonable here, please share your thoughts. It's a bit of an awkward topic and I almost feel ashamed to ask it..
My granparents died within a few months of each other just before COVID. They weren't particularly hands on but my Mum and Dad always took me to see them (they lived close by), get them involved in things etc. I am an only child.

When both died, my Dad and his sister were involved in selling their house (not worth very much - 90K) and dealing with money related things. Growing up, I always assumed that I would have some money via the will as they only ever gave me about £20 per year (£10 for xmas and £10 for birthdays) and was assured that I would 'have more money when we are gone' as my Nan would say.
I wasnt put into t
he will (neither were my cousins). Everything was left to my Dad and Aunty. A few years later and I have never had anything from this. It hurts me as I feel like I wasnt important to them, nor my Dad who clearly has no intentions of giftign me any. I feel a bit pissed off. I'm not spoilt by any means, but christ, I loved them so much and made such an effort with them (especially from my teen years onwards) and I feel disspaointed like I have never been considered in any of this.

My parents are very low income which means opportunities for them as well as me have been limited. Would I be unreasonable to ask my parents about this? I feel like, surely I deserve something?! Or, am I being entitled here? (I am not an entitled person at all, but who you grow up with no money, seeing everyone else with money having a better life, handed money and the opportunities that gives them.. I cant help but feel pissed off!).

Thoughts please!! xx

It’s much more Normal for the grandchildren not to receive anything. My in les left nothing to the grandchildren and neither have my parents. My grandmother who I adored and was very close to left everything to her children as she should. In the nicest possible way you’re being upset for no reason

I don’t think you are grabby but generally people leave their money to the children. My Mum did leave £5000 each for my children but the rest was left to me and my sister.

My mum died recently, she adored my children but I was the beneficiary of her will. My children will benefit indirectly as we will be more comfortable as a family and I have some in savings for when they are older.

90k split between 2 siblings isn’t a huge amount depending on what they spend it on. A chunk off the mortgage and a holiday and it’s gone.

OP you will likely be in your dads will. If you need money for something specific could you ask him to help you out without mentioning the inheritance (because it’s a bit of a tasteless topic).

Wills can specify individuals

Perhaps your grandparents made a will before you were born or the solicitor didn’t bother to mention what could be included
my experience from grandparents was that each grandchild was gifted and amount and the rest split between the children of the grandparents
You can specify all sorts in a will eg pieces of jewellery for certain people ( engagement rings etc)

Perhaps you should ask your parents if they have made a will. It’s a hassle if they haven’t

Whilst we shouldn’t expect/ rely on inheritance its time we were all a bit more grown up about the fact we all die and try and avoid upset and confusion

this. I've always thought the standard expectation is that money (if there is any!) is left to the next generation, then they decide whether, and how to pass it on to their kids, etc. It's probably more straightforward, because people know how many kids they have and their situations, whereas you could give money to 5 grandchildren and one born just after they died could miss out, etc. So no I wouldn't automatically assume a grandchild would 'deserve' or be entitled to anything.

I agree it can be frustrating to see so many people being given such a huge leg up via inheritance but that's just life unfortunately - it's unfair.

Hugely entitled.

I got literally nothing from my dad, not a penny, not a keepsake, nothing - after being told my brother and I would inherit his house.

I was upset, but not on the scale you seem to be.

I didn't mean to sound entitled with this. The house sold for 90K which I am saying isn't much in relation to house prices generally. Obviously 90K is a huge sum of money!

Im with you on this one, I would feel hurt too if she specifically said that you would get money when she was gone! Of course you would expect some if she said that. Wonder if she presumed your dad would give you some of that money.

Your grandparents died several years ago, and your still sore about the inheritance.

If your grandparents wanted you to have something more, they should have put it in the Will. Maybe when they implied you’ll have more, they meant the whole family, not just you.

its a little mean to say you ‘only’ got ten pounds per birthday. A gift is a gift, and should be received as such. They didn’t have to give you anything.

Not leaving you any money doesn’t mean they didn’t love you. That’s quite a weird way of looking at it.

i think it’s time you stopped dwelling on the Will and being bitter about it.

Yes you are being entitled. NOK is children and that's the default so half would have gone to each. You don't usually bequeath to grandchildren apart from certain gifts like jewellery etc . If I die without a will all goes to husband if we both died all goes to children equally. I haven't written a will but if I do it will be like that anyway nothing to grandchildren it's up to parents to bequeath that when they die.
We'd all like free cash but that's not how life is so yes really do get over it!!

All four of my grandparents just left money to their children, no specific bequests to grandchildren. My parents didn’t hand on any of that money but it all came my way when my parents died (prematurely, only a few years after their parents).

It never crossed my mind to be upset that my grandparents hadn’t left me a specific bequest!

What do you think you "should" have had?

You’re sounding terribly transactional and grabby here op, not a good look. You aren’t owed anything, no matter how much effort you put into your relationship 🤨

If your dad and aunty shared the proceeds equally, after paying selling fees and funeral costs they are likely to have £35k to £40k each. You say that your dad has a very low income, so that lump sum could give him a little financial security for the next few years.

Some children do inherit some money from their grandparents, but the estate is likely to be much higher so that lump sums are more affordable. I'm surprised that you are still brooding over this 3-4 years later. Perhaps your dad and aunty really needed the money themselves during the Covid years.

I'd be really upset if my parents left their estate to their grandchildren instead of me and DB. We will both pass on what we have to our DC when we die. I don't expect to get anything anyway - care home fees could eat the lot. In your circumstances I think you're being unrealistic. Your parents obviously need it and no doubt will leave anything they have when they die, to you.

Your grandparents only gave you a tenner for your birthday and a tenner at Christmas and never left you any money in the will? You poor hard done by soul.
I think expecting an inheritance when someone dies is breathtakingly greedy.

Never inherited anything from my Grandparents - in fact I don't even know if my parents inherited from their respective parents.
My parents didn't leave anything to their Grandkids either. Their wills left everything to their children (of which I am 1 of 3).
My MIL has left a percentage of her estate to her 5 grandchildren but as she's still going strong well into her 90s they may well have a few more years to wait and may not gey anything as it might end up going on care fees.
I've drummed it into my DC never to expect an inheritance.

It seems to be increasingly common to skip a generation & leave money to grandchildren.
Not just me, I've a number of friends this has happened to.

However, anyone can leave money as they see fit. It's their choice, & I would assume that any money left after OP's parents died would be passed on anyway.

It’s pretty much the norm for inheritance to be left to children not grandchildren.
I was extremely close to my grandparents and I wasn’t included in their will. My grandma had given me some of her jewellery whilst she was alive, that meant a lot. At my grandads funeral, the neighbours/ carers were coming up to me to say how sorry they were for my loss. They didn’t even know who two of his adult children were- had to be introduced. I have many precious memories of my grandparents- much more important than being left any money.

In my experience most people leave their estate to their children rather than grandchildren, especially those who aren't wealthy. It doesn't mean they didn't love you, it's just the way it is. I think you are being very entitled, sorry.

when my nana died, she left everything to her children. I did not think I would be named as a beneficiary, it never cross mind that I would.

I have been left a large inheritance by my parents. I would give every penny back to have more time with them. I also struggle to decide what to do with the money, as I would feel guilty about spending it on stuff like holidays or flash cars knowing they worked hard for it. I am investing it for my children and their future. I hope this reflects what my parents would have wished. It is typical for heirs to be direct descendants. With larger estates, it can avoid having to pay inheritance tax because the residential home would be exempt for that calculation. Why not focus on the security the money is giving your parents and how it might improve their quality of life. Money does not bring happiness. I have lots of money, and poor health. I would give the lot away for a body transplant.

I find your post sickening.

You actually think you "deserve" money for being an average grandchild?

And the fact you feel it's owed to you because they "only" gave you £20 for birthdays. Seriously read your own post back.

Don't worry OP, once your Dad dies you should get some cash

You are thinking about what you didn't get from your grandparents. I think you should consider what you did get. Honestly, you'll be happier if you focus on the joy, time and love you shared.