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Original poster

Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

503 replies

Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:24

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:
Pottomous2 · 09/10/2023 18:44

Don’t split it. It’s out of your hands what grandma does with her cash, you just have to honour her wishes. If your sis is angry, tough . It’s grandmas money and her direction of it after her death.

Pomvit · 09/10/2023 18:44

I would share - your mum would have wanted it and it has potential to ruin your relationship with your sister and dad. Not worth it

Topsyturveymam · 09/10/2023 18:46

You’re within your rights to take it all of course. However, I don’t like it when people use their inheritance to prove points. Although I suppose it’s been done with the right intentions, it will leave bad feelings and arguments in its wake. I’d split it as I feel it’d be the fairest thing to do and leave everyone with good memories of your grandmother ..rather than bitterness.

ActDottie · 09/10/2023 18:46

Tbh I’d keep it just based on how you’ve described your sister. Also consider would you care if you never saw your sister again? If not then just keep it for yourself.

BiddyPop · 09/10/2023 19:00

I would give your DSis a share as that's what DM wanted and what DgM wanted up to recently.

But I suspect DGM has changed her mind based on what she sees happening around her. You have been caring for her, DSis not so much.

So. While I would give DSis something, I don't know that I would give her half. She hasn't helped you. She hasn't supported you despite living a very different (and more easygoing) lifestyle. She hasn't helped you out despite having fewer responsibilities than you.

I would be thinking more like 10% at most, not 50%.

You don't need to tell her everything about the. Will or when it comes to it, the final sale of the house and money to be shared between you and uncle.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/10/2023 19:04

Pomvit · 09/10/2023 18:44

I would share - your mum would have wanted it and it has potential to ruin your relationship with your sister and dad. Not worth it

Her mum would have wanted it? The mum that gave her DDs nothing and everything to her boyfriend? That mum?

AllyArty · 09/10/2023 19:05

I would give her a third or a quarter- not half. She must know that she doesn’t really deserve half.

usernamealreadytaken · 09/10/2023 19:06

crew2022 · 07/10/2023 23:27

Give your sister half, it's what your mum wanted. You're a good person to care for your gran but it's what your mum had asked.

There's nothing to indicate that in the first post, and it's not up to a recipient to direct the contents of a donor's will.

AnnieSnap · 09/10/2023 19:08

One of my adult children cut me out of his life 15-years-ago when I divorced his father. I only know he has children because one of my daughter’s (who he also cut off when she said “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing” when he corrected her grammar 🤷‍♀️) saw it mentioned on Facebook. I’ll always love him, but I really don’t like him. I took him out of my Will a few years ago, leaving everything to my two daughters. I realised that one in particular might feel emotionally pressured to share her inheritance with him. I told her that it’s important to me that she doesn’t and that if she promises me she won’t, she can use that to defend herself against the emotional blackmail. Then, last year, I re-thought it and decided to leave 5% to each grandchild, including estranged Son’s children, 20% to each daughter and the rest to my two favourite charities. I figure that since the girls will have much less than if the lot went to them and also that my Son’s children will inherit, it may be easier for everyone concerned.

You are in a difficult position @Loluk If you feel that not sharing your inheritance with your sister will put a strain on your relationship, it’s a tough one. Bear in mind though that inheritance is the fruits of your Grandmother’s hard work (one way or another) and given that she keeps reiterating what she wants and she is more or less on her deathbed, her dying wish is that you alone benefit from her estate. I know if she’s dead, she won’t be aware of what happens, but I know I would hate people to go against my carefully considered wishes, when I kick the bucket.

Firebug007 · 09/10/2023 19:16

I don't think you should split it tbh. Your sister adds no value to your life, has more than enough given to her already and it's your GMs money to do with as she wishes and she WANTS you to have this, I really think you should follow her wishes 💐

Debzyrobinson · 09/10/2023 19:24

I think you should split it with your sister as it will cause a rift with you and your sister, if you value yourvsister more ,just split it.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 09/10/2023 19:44

I would give it to my sister as she’s more important to me than money but I absolutely wouldn’t give it to my husbands brother. It depends on your family dynamics, either way you sound like a good person.

venus7 · 09/10/2023 19:48

crew2022 · 07/10/2023 23:27

Give your sister half, it's what your mum wanted. You're a good person to care for your gran but it's what your mum had asked.

As I understand it the mother didn't make a will? So her views are not known. Had the mother not predeceased her own mother, she would have been caring for her, not one granddaughter.

venus7 · 09/10/2023 19:59

Bubbadoo56 · 07/10/2023 23:49

The house currently belongs to your grandmother, NOT your mother. Your grandmother has the right to give her possessions to whomever she wishes. YOU are the person who has helped in her time of need and so naturally she would like you to benefit, not your sister, who has done nothing. Please honor your grandmother's wishes. After my death, I would like to be able to haunt those who undeservedly get my money, instead of the people that are actually in my will.

This; it is very important to honour the wishes of the dead, not juggle/second guess/redistribute afterwards.

Tigger1895 · 09/10/2023 20:11

Not sure if this has been asked/answered. Do you know what your dads plans are for his estate? Will your sister inherit the house she shares with him now or will it be divided equally?

Mrburnshound · 09/10/2023 20:36

After your grandmother is dead it's your money to distribute or not as you want. I would split, grandma will be dead and not able to care anymore but i wouldn't want to lose my relationship with my sister

Angeball · 09/10/2023 20:48

You don’t need to make a decision now, you can’t think about inheritance when the person in question is still alive. This is anxieties and worrying about the future. Which I totally understand. Live for now and forget about it. Cross that bridge when you get to it. Anything can happen in the mean time. Your sister could win the lottery.

Bananajuice · 09/10/2023 20:51

Think I'm in the minority by saying I couldn't give her half. Some maybe but certainly now half... If your grandmother made that her wishes I think they should be respected.

Panicking23 · 09/10/2023 21:04

I'd work out a rough amount that your father has given to your sister by supporting her to live without any bills, then subtract that from her half of the money if everyone is so keen on keeping things "fair".

browneyes77 · 09/10/2023 21:11

saraclara · 07/10/2023 23:54

Compromising and giving your sister a third and keeping two thirds sounds fair to me. But I think that you need to be prepared for your dad to alter his will to favour your sister if you don't split it equally. Which would be very unfair, but he's shown already that he's not being reasonable.

I agree with this.

I wouldn’t necessarily give her half. But if you feel she should have something then give her a small portion.

savethatkitty · 09/10/2023 21:32

I'd give your sister a token amount but not half.

MadMadaMim · 09/10/2023 21:42

I'd give my sis something but it certainly wouldn't be half.

And if you really feel you must, then I'd be calculating how much a carer would have cost for the 5 years plus CPU and cumulative interest, and deducting that from the total.

Inheritance isn't an entitlement. It's not 'family money'. It's your grans money to do with how she pleases

Anele22 · 09/10/2023 21:56

share it with your sister. You’ll sleep better at night

azlazee1 · 09/10/2023 22:21

This is a difficult decision. The money is yours. You have stated how much it will help your financial situation. How you dispense it is up to you. I would probably feel guilty not sharing but that does not mean it has to be 50 50. Perhaps you could gift your sister a token portion of the money to use as she pleases. A gift from you, not "her share" of an inheritance she was never supposed to receive.

SylvieB74 · 09/10/2023 22:36

Don’t rush into giving it to her especially since you need it more, you can keep hold of it and decide what to do when things are settled. Also you dont have to give her the full half you could give her a share without it being half.