Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

[Loluk]

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

If dear old Dad has moved in with his GF, then he would probably have sold the house. Sister hasn't done anything "wrong" and she certainly hasn't done anything "right" either. She is living off her Daddy, ignoring her sister when her sister needed her and ignoring her grandmother and not helping even a bit for her care.

As for the sister paying for the mortgage and the OP not...the sister would never be paying the mortgage out of the goodness of her heart, since there is none there to start; she'd pay as if she were renting.

It's getting pretty easy to tell who doesn't feel they ever need to care about a family member to still think they "deserve" as much as everyone else in an inheritance. LOL!

How do you know the sister wasn't going through something and couldn't pro idea support to her sister? We don't know. So we cant make assumptions.

And why is caring for a family member mean you get inheritance. It shouldn't do. Why is the relationship now valued in monetary terms

If you have had a relationship with ur gran since you were a child but weren't in a position to care for her or to be honest some ppl are suited to doing it (which is equally okay) then do you think you should receive nothing from your gran and the value of your relationship in monetary terms is only based on caring for her for a small number of years. Everything before that has no monetary value.

FFS! The sister has not been cut out THREE times. The OP isn't dead, so there is no inheritance to cut sister out of. OP also got cut out of Mummy's inheritance and grandmother is rewarding her for being a decent human being and caring about others and not just herself. Unlike the sister....

People really need to start using reason, logic and common sense and not just be contrary and nasty because they enjoy it so much.

The only people that need to inherit anything are the people who are named in the will.

Making lame azzed excuses for the sister doesn't work. You have no idea if she isn't just a selfish, spoiled, entitled little brat who manipulates everyone around her, as she does her father. That's as likely as your absurd scenario. The sister wasn't even bothering to visit the grandmother, let alone give a smidgen of care. So your "suited to doing it" is also just more "whataboutism" and it's silly.

And no, I would not think I should "deserve" to inherit something from a family member if I wasn't around for them, and haven't at times. That's actually pretty normal. Abnormal are people who think they deserve to inherit because they are a relative or that another relative should "share" because they are related.

If a relative wants to leave an inheritance to someone who actually cared for them, how dare you to say they should not. Just mind-boggling. LOL! smdh

Surely noone is suited to personal care some people just hide their distaste better. Anyone who cares for a dying relative does deserve more I think! Not that my parents would ever let me, they'd book a care home or carers first.

If you choose not to split it or give her less than half, I can guarantee that your Dad will even things up in his own will. How will you feel if this happened. It's not right but something to consider. FWIW I don't think you should give half of it to your sister

Wise advice!

Seriously Op read that line again

SHEs Never Really Been There For Me And Probably Never Will Be!

Giving her the money you won't see her for dust, and be left with a bitter taste don't give her money you won't see her anyway.

I initially thought you should share something a 25% but I actually think you should just keep the money. No reason she doesn't visit your Gran.

You cannot buy friendship. Their might never be an inheritance from your Dad. Invest your Grans money wisely!!!

Don't share the money. Respect your Grans wishes. Your gran has the wisdom to see through the BS of your sister and dad.

If the situation was reversed, your sister wouldn't share it with you. It's also likely your dad will leave everything to your sister. He's already treating her way more favourably than he's treating you. Would he ever pay your mortgage? That's effectively what he's doing for your sister (since he's not living in the property himself at all).

Stop being such a walk over. Treat your sister as she treats you. Let Karma unfold. Be kind to yourself. Stand up for yourself. Put yourself and your family first.

Even if you give your sister 50% of your inheritance. It's very likely that once your sister inherits 100% your dad's estate, she will not bother contacting you again.

I wouldn't give her half.

She won't thank you for it or respect you more!

I would share with my sister. 100%.

Has your uncle been doing anything for your grandmother? If not, very odd of her to rewrite her will to reward you at the cost of your sister but not your uncle. 50:25:25 in your favour would have made more sense and given you less trouble.

Given the will as it stands now, I would strongly argue against splitting it with your sister. Doesn't sound like yiu have much of a relationship anyway.

I would share with mine.

But it is the OP's sister being discussed here.

Well thats my point isn't it we only heard one side of the story, noone knows why the sister didn't support OP or doesn't visit gran as much or doesn't care for her. We only got one side of the story. Yet lots of people like you making assumptions and calling her sister names 🙄

I dont care for my parents and expect them to give me more inheritance over my sister who can't provide care. She isn't able to and I don't hold that against her. And if they did do a 50: 50 split im not going to resent it either. I choose to care for my parents because I want to. If my parents changed their will I wouldn't say anything to my sister its not my business to tell her until the time comes. Esp when there is a possibility it could be changed again.

I would calculate how much money your Dad has given to sister in free rent/utilities/living expenses and then present that to Dad next time he wants to bring up his kids being treated equally.

I get it OP. I’m the caregiver in my family. I was full time caregiver for two grandparents and a disabled uncle. I’ve provided elder care and childcare to several other relatives. When I’ve needed help, no one offered any support.

The wake up call for me was I had a life or death health issue. I was pregnant and hospitalized and the doctors thought both my baby and me wouldn’t make it. Everyone refused to care for my toddlers so my DH could visit me in the hospital. The social worker had to make an exception and allow my DH to bring our toddlers to visits once a day. My relatives also didn’t visit me. A lovely older lady from our church cooked enough meals to cover the week I was in the hospital and came to visit me because she wasn’t physically able to watch our toddlers, but wanted to help us. Since then, one of my DC and my DH have suffered life threatening health issues that required hospitalization and all of our relatives have refused to help us.

My grandparents and uncle have all passed away now. I haven’t made myself available for caregiving for anyone else and have told everyone they will need to sort their own elder/child care. I’ve put my focus on my nuclear family and have started a business that now brings in more income than I made before I quit working full time to be the family caregiver. I’m spending my energy building a support network of friends who care enough to reciprocate.

@ZebraD no I said she knew she was getting something from my grandmother. In her previous will she said my sister would get some as well if my mom passed away before her. But my grandmother doesn't want that anymore

@SurprisedWithAHorse have you read any of my previous posts? Not meaning to be rude but I have said that I will share it with her. I'm just interested to see people's opinions

@TheCrystalPalace yes absolutely. She has always looked after me. Do I agree with her changing her will? Not really. I didn't look after her for that. But she's done it anyway. But I know she's done it because my sister gets everything in life and I haven't. She's trying to look out for me. It has left me in an awkward position but she is genuinely a wonderful lady that wants the best for me

@LumiB I've never said my sister is caring for my dad?
He's a healthy man that works full time.
She is not paying towards his house because she wants to save for a deposit. I know I chose to care for my grandmother - my mom used to do it and no one else would. But I wanted to anyway. I didn't want her to change her will and told her not to. But she did anyway

@SurprisedWithAHorse I don't want to keep it all! I've said many times now that I am giving her half.

And I had wonderful parenting, my mom and dad did everything for us and were wonderful parents. I love/loved them dearly.

@Cherrysoup because she transferred it all into his property that was in his name so we couldn't touch it.
She didn't do it nastily. She didn't do it because she didn't want us to have anything. She didn't know she was going to die. It was a very very sudden death. Absolutely fine one day, gone the next unfortunately.

@Finlesswonder there isn't anything more to the story.
I still work 2.5 days a week and care for my grandmother around this. My husband works full time so i earn my own money.

My mom didn't cut her out, or me. My mom died very suddenly. She was only young and so didn't think she was going to have to make a will etc. She thought she was starting a new life with her new partner.
When I say suddenly, she was fine the day before and then died the next day. She had no health issues, just dropped down and had a cardiac arrest.

I haven't cut my sister out at all. I've already stated thousands of times that I will give her half but I just wanted to see what people's opinions are.

@Finlesswonder what? How has she been cut three times? She's been cut once? Have you read any of my messages at all?

I am splitting the money.... was interested in people's opinions.

My mother died very suddenly and had no will... she didn't cut anyone out

You shouldn't be giving her half actually more people have said not. If you'[ve made up your mind what#s the point of this thread...

The OP has said her mother didn't have a will. I think she has been using the word "estate" incorrectly. She said her father's estate (yet he is still alive) paid money to her mother's state due to a divorce - I think she means that her father paid her mother, when she was still alive, a divorce settlement. She then says this money in her mother's estate was transferred to her mother's boyfriend's estate - I think here she means that her mother gave the divorce settlement to her boyfriend before her death. If it was after her mother's death then there is an issue as the transfer would not have been possible under intestacy rules.

Perhaps the OP can clarify this.