Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

[Loluk]

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

I'd split with my sister but 75/25. I'd tell her Gran wanted you to have it all but it's been split into 50 for you for caring for your Gran then the other 50 percent split between her 2 Granddaughters. So you keep 75 percent and give your sister 25 percent.

*As for your dad telling you that you must share half of that money with her that's not his place nor his business to tell you what to do with it!

You said he likes things to be equal between you both but you say you're struggling and your sister is living rent free with her bills paid for by your dad whilst she continues to save more money!*

This is a really good point. If you choose to give your sister something (not half!) have a grown up and calm conversation with your dad in private first,. Say you are mindful and respectful of him saying things should be equal, and you need to point out to him they are already unequal. She lives with him for free. You pay for your home. She has no dependants to consider. You do. You spent a lot of time with your gran, she didn't. So to be equal, truly equal, to give you and her equal amounts of disposable income from the will, you have portioned off some for your children, some for your living costs and you propose splitting the play money equally between the two of you.

if he argues against that, I'd strongly consider keeping it all because he might adjust his will so you lose out, and she'll probably find ways to blacksheep you once you hand over the money anyway.

It's nothing to do with her Mum. Her Mum gave everything to current boyfriend leaving nothing to either DD's.

Me too.

The dad would have to pay the mortgage even if sister wasn't living there.

If he isn't happy then he needs to ask the sister to pay or tell then to move out

Either way the sister hasn't done anything wrong, its not her fault he hasn't asked her to pay, or kicked out if she refused to pay.

If it was me I'd ask for some.mo ey for bills only whilst they save for their house which is fair.

If the sister does then pay for the mortgage, has OP ever paid towards her dads mortgage? If the dad died and the house was sold should OP benefit the same e.g 50_50 split even though she hasn't paid any of it off?

Your mum would never have left either of you money. Your sister doesnt show care for anyone other than herself. I very much doubt she would have shared with you if this was the other way round, and i guarantee you would not have said anything to her about wanting half if that was indeed the case.

keep it.

your sister can consider the rent free living she has done for years as her inheritance that you didnt get.

But the sister doesn't pay towards the dad’s house. So this isnt at all relevant.

sister hasnt done anything wrong in your opinion, but what has she done right? She hasnt shown a scrap of consideration for op in tough times and hasnt been near her grandmother.

i also don’t think the sister has done anything wrong in particular, some people will grab everything they can get with both hands, stuff everyone else, it doesn’t necessarily make her a bad person, but I certainly wouldn’t be going out my way to line her pockets when she does Jack shit for it.

I suspect the sister of ‘hanging on’ at her dads to ‘save a bit more towards a deposit’ because she’s waiting for her share of the inheritance payout!

her dad may also want her out so he can make some money renting the house properly, so he could be pressurising op to share the money for that reason alone.

like any situation when there’s money dangling.. the sharks start circling.

your gran may have a better handle on this situation then you give her credit for op, don’t agree to ANYTHING until you’re ready to.

I know your gran probably wouldn't want to make an amendment, but could you ask her to leave your sister something - like £10k as she knows she's saving for a house. You're to get the bulk of the estate as you have invested so much of your time and your sister hasn't bothered. So it's actually spelt out. Money does funny things to families. Have you asked your Dad if he's goi g to give you the equivalent of what he's giving your sister now - seeing as he thinks everything should be fair.

And also. You're indirectly doing your DC out of money that could help in the future. Will your sister step up if you're in trouble in the future?

Of course we don't get all sides of the story. We never do. That's why it's so interesting that posters will so often act as if we have.

Clearly there are a zillion issues in this family that go back generations, with favouritism, jealousy and all the rest. That's why I'm not willing to cast the sister as the root of all the evil, although I know dysfunctional families do often pick out one of the children and claim the family is great, it's just this one child who's the cause of all the trouble.

Still, OP has the money. So she can do as she wants with it. But she appears to be looking for an altruistic excuse for keeping it when in truth she wants it because she doesn't like her sister and doesn't think she deserves it. Luckily for her, her GM agrees. But it's clear the situation is more complicated than that, and that's what she's trying to change and can't.

If she wants to keep the money, she can keep it. It's been left to her and she needs no permission. She's here asking about it because she wants a more simplistic, sister-blaming narrative around why she wants to keep it and that's what can't be provided.

This is why a 3-way split between blood relatives on your side would work.

A third each for you, your sister and your son.

Means you get 2/3 and she gets 1/3.

Respect her wishes and keep the money for your own family. Imagine how useful it will be for your children’s future. If you give it to your sister you’ll regret it. Your father might leave his assets all to her anyway as she’s seen as the one on need of help and you never demand anything or need anything. The inheritance is for your child ultimately, not your undeserving scrounging sister.

If no will then why did bf get it all

Surely you a next of kin would have

This is what I was going to say
"Thanks for suggesting a fair split dad, I'll be delighted to receive the equivalent of all the rent you've saved for my sister over the years, it'll make such a difference to me "

Fairness. Doesn't exist. Its not fair your mother died unexpectedly. It's not fair that your sister does nothing whilst you do it all, even if you don't mind doing it. It's not fair that your sister is looked after by your Dad whilst you struggle independently. Your Gran will have seen this and has decided that this is what she can do to redress the balance. Listen to her message (your sister is the one that really needs to heed it) and honour her wishes. You sound like a good person. Your sister, not so much.

Personally I’m making no judgment on the sister as it’s entirely irrelevant. It isn’t the sister’s money and never has been, and she has zero entitlement to it. It’s the grandmother’s money to do what she wants with, it isn’t something she owes to anyone.

OP’s responsibility first and foremost is to herself and the family she’s made.

OP, whether you give your sister half or a 'token amount', I strongly suspect she will be the same sister who wasn't there for you when your baby died.

Your grandmother knows and sees this too.

My advice would be to respect your dgm wishes and keep the money for yourself and your own family.

As an aside, I simply cannot imagine EXPECTING money to be left to me by someone I haven't bothered to spend any time with. There are some situations where blood means shit to me - and this is one of them.
I wouldn't be leaving anything to anyone I had no relationship with, regardless of how they were related to me.

Exactly, if you don’t think you’d receive it in life, you certainly shouldn’t expect it in death.

people do though!

Nah fuck her. She didn't support you when your baby died. She's a shit sister. Keep the money.

Exactly. You'll give her this money and she will carry on being an uncaring fit and you'll be gutted

I was saying if her sister did pay towards her da frontage since everyone having a go about her living rent free. What will those same ppl say when the dad dies and OP expects 50:50 of the sale of the house even though OP did not pay any money toward the mortgage. Its the hypocrisy of OP complaining her sister is living rent free but doesn't even consider this aspect either.

And you don't know why the sister behaves that way we only hear one side of the story.

And how callous to think caring for someone should equate to getting inheritance for it. Why are peolle only caring for their family members if they get money out of it in terms of inheritance.

A: It was never, ever the "mother's inheritance". Mummy gave HER inheritance to her BF and if Mummy had outlived the grandmother, Mum would either have spent that money or left it to her BF, like she did everything else.

B: Her "loving" sister is never there for her and wasn't around to visit the grandmother or to give the OP a respite. Unless they live 3+ hours away, that is wrong on every count. She sounds selfish and entitled.

C: Her DH and her DC are her family and that's who she needs to think about, care about and worry about.

I maybe in the minority but can see both sides and it would be unfair for your sister to receive nothing...even though it's your dg's wishes. I might be inclined to split it perhaps 60/40 or 70/30 to take account for the care you've given and the fact that your sister has low outgoings. I would have thought it unlikely that they would know about the final estate figures. But, dependent on the amount I would split as above if you feel comfortable with that decision.

Good advice here.

Your Gran may not die for some time yet.

Don't do ANYTHING hastily, whenever it happens.

Let the money sit in your account if you receive the full share. Give yourself a year - make any excuse you want. THEN decide what you want to do.

I undrstand that you are worried about losing your family, but trust me (I have been there) family like this will make use of you; they won't help you when you need it, but they will prey on you when they get the opportunity.

The family you need to concentrate on is your husband and child. Put them first. Always.