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Original poster

Asked to work while DH retires

132 replies

haventkilledtheorchidyet · 14/01/2023 20:18

A recent discussion about retirement has surprised me and I wanted to gather opinions.
My husband is 5 years older than me. He has always had a good job earning more than me and as worked full time. I have worked apart from two maternity leaves. We share finances and he has always been cautious but relatively generous I'd say.
We were discussing retirement today and he says he expects to retire and for me to work on for another three years or so.
I was quite shocked as imagined we would retire at the same time. Views?

OP posts:
Goingundergroundagain · 14/01/2023 20:20

My husband is also five years older he will retire first then I will retire probably five years later.

RaininSummer · 14/01/2023 20:21

If you retire at the same time, you won't have your pension will you?

FindingMeno · 14/01/2023 20:21

I wouldn't have considered myself and my dh retiring at the same time! I've always expected him to retire before me because he's older than me and will get his pension before me.
I thought that was the norm.

BCBird · 14/01/2023 20:21

Why were you expecting to retire st thr same time if he is older than you?

MiddleParking · 14/01/2023 20:22

I was quite shocked as imagined we would retire at the same time.

why?

SwedishEdith · 14/01/2023 20:22

Why are you shocked?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2023 20:22

He's older, he retires first. Obviously.

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 14/01/2023 20:22

So you still get to retire 2 years younger than your dh? I’d say that’s fair. But I’m much younger than my dh so I’m expecting to work on many many years passed him

woodhill · 14/01/2023 20:23

I'm in a similar position

AC2022 · 14/01/2023 20:23

My husband is eleven years older than me and will retire first. I will probably work until I am 62 and retire fully then if we can afford it.

nc8975 · 14/01/2023 20:23

Have you planned your pension and savings to enable you to retire early?

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/01/2023 20:24

I don’t know why you’d be shocked.. but if you had visions of travelling together or something then explain that to him. If you haven’t anything special in mind it’s probably better to stagger it, it’s a big life change.

isthewashingdryyet · 14/01/2023 20:24

Why wouldn’t he retire before you ?

He will have accrued his state pension years , and work pension years FIVE years before you do.
This is equality at work.

Think of all the stuff he can now do, so you last years at work are a bit easier

Procrastination4 · 14/01/2023 20:24

Well my husband is three years older than me and retired when he reached his full retirement age. I retired the following year though I hadn’t my full 40yrs done (had 37 done). It was totally up to me when I retired and my husband was supportive, whatever I decided. However we now are in agreement that it was totally the right time to do it. We are totally enjoying the time together, and looking forward to a few long trips away this year. If you really want to retire at the same time as your husband or close to his time, he should be supportive of that, I think.

drpet49 · 14/01/2023 20:25

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2023 20:22

He's older, he retires first. Obviously.

This.

Forgetaboutme · 14/01/2023 20:26

I'm a long way off retiring but even though my husband is 6 years older than me kinda hoping to be in the position where we retire at the same time. We have already had wee jokey chats about that though. If we weren't in the position to afford it then I absolutely would retire after him since I'm younger.

If you can afford to retire when he does then I can sort of see why you are surprised.

silentpool · 14/01/2023 20:26

Can you go part time, as a compromise?

ArcticSkewer · 14/01/2023 20:26

If I could afford it, I would also expect to sync retirement ages with a partner, so we could do stuff together while they were still active.

Men die younger.

This man is 5 years older than op

Life is for living. Work to live not live to work

GroggyLegs · 14/01/2023 20:27

Three years wouldn't bother me too much so don't think.

I quite fancy having a house-husband for a while.

NothingButSpace · 14/01/2023 20:27

I think this is a major disadvantage for couples with an age gap. I know a couple with a 12 year age gap and he has put pressure on her to continue working full-time for her pension benefits, while he retired long ago and they seem at completely different stages of life. Btw she would love to retire and spend more time as a couple. Financially they are relatively well-off.

I think it’s something you do both need to discuss.

HeddaGarbled · 14/01/2023 20:28

My H retired several years before me and picked up everything in the house: all the cleaning, most of the cooking etc. It was brilliant coming home to a meal cooked for me every working day, and my career flourished because I was able to really dedicate myself to it. I would thoroughly recommend it.

Veryfishy · 14/01/2023 20:28

We retired at the same time , I’m ( f ) older by 2 years

Theunamedcat · 14/01/2023 20:28

That's fine but what were his expectations when you were a sahm? All housework done and food taken care of? Make sure you get the same

Equality goes both ways

Andywarholswig · 14/01/2023 20:28

I am older than my DH - he has a much better pension, but I earn more so I will aim to match his early retirement (pipe dream)

CoffeeBeansGalore · 14/01/2023 20:29

Thst'll be lovely. He can do all the housework and you can come home from work to a nice dinner.