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Original poster

Asked to work while DH retires

132 replies

haventkilledtheorchidyet · 14/01/2023 20:18

A recent discussion about retirement has surprised me and I wanted to gather opinions.
My husband is 5 years older than me. He has always had a good job earning more than me and as worked full time. I have worked apart from two maternity leaves. We share finances and he has always been cautious but relatively generous I'd say.
We were discussing retirement today and he says he expects to retire and for me to work on for another three years or so.
I was quite shocked as imagined we would retire at the same time. Views?

OP posts:
greenspaces4peace · 14/01/2023 20:29

Believe me, both retiring at the same time can be difficult. You wake up one day and bam, in each others face and space 24/7.
that aside you’re younger and putting in a few more years is only reasonable. Do check your pension plan, going part time might not affect you very much.
this would allow you to take the longer holidays and weekends away together.

Reindear · 14/01/2023 20:29

But he’s worked longer than you? So it makes sense for him to retire first surely?

MrsKrankyPants · 14/01/2023 20:31

Erm, my DH is 8 years older than me. He would obviously retire first. I def would love to work a lot less hours by then.

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 20:32

Did you want him to work longer or you to work less?

StillNiceCardigan · 14/01/2023 20:32

DH and I are both 56 , he retired last year from a well paid job and I’m still working 4 days a week in a flexible job. I was a SAHM for quite a awhile and only went back to work properly about 10 years ago so I’m not completely jaded by it. I love my job and don’t want to stop yet and the fact that we have “new” income helps with things like heating costs which would be really worrying on a fixed income. Besides DH cooks, cleans and gives me lifts to station basically all the crap things I did for years so we are both happy with how it works.

Hbh17 · 14/01/2023 20:33

My husband retired 2 years ago at 56. He is 6 months older than me. I was happy for him to retire from a very stressful job.
I expect to keep working (albeit part-time) until I am 60, in another 2 years' time.
I don't see the problem. My husband had a job that allowed for early retirement & he earned much more than me so could contribute vastly more to his pension pot. My much smaller pension will not kick in until I'm 60.
We are two independent people - we don't have to do absolutely everything together.

Monkeytapper · 14/01/2023 20:34

My husband is 10 years older than me and I will retire 10 years after him, never thought anything different to be honest. Think he would get on my nerves being stuck at home together

GroggyLegs · 14/01/2023 20:34

You wake up one day and bam, in each others face and space 24/7

OMG, the horror!

At least this way he's got 3 years to find a way to entertain himself & make some retiree friends OP.

Ragwort · 14/01/2023 20:35

My DH is two years younger than me but retired at 60 ... I am happy to carry on working - I love my job and quite frankly have no interest in travelling or spending too much time together Grin . He supported me for 12 years when I was a SAHM - and yes, did more than his fair share of chores, bring up our DS etc etc. To be honest I think I've had a much easier life than he has ... I am glad he can enjoy his retirement. I enjoy my job, hours to suit me, happy to carry on. DH does the bulk of the chores at home now - Win Win.

CorvusPurpureus · 14/01/2023 20:36

My dm was in this position in her 50s, & she absolutely loved it. Took on a promotion & left df to potter.

Df subsequently pushed for a move to the seaside because he was bored. Dm went along with it, which meant leaving a job she loved earlier than she'd have chosen.

I'd think carefully about what you want to do, OP.

UsingChangeofName · 14/01/2023 20:38

I was quite shocked as imagined we would retire at the same time.

Why ? Confused

The natural starting point is that the older person will retire first.
That's what I am expecting in my marriage.
I mean, I know there are lots of other factors, but, if I have inferred right from your opening post, he is working FT and you are working PT ? If so, that is even more reason to feel the need to retire.

Tontostitis · 14/01/2023 20:39

I retired sort of bu accident early last year and my husband, whose 5 years older than me has just retired early too as we want to spend as much time as possible together. We have several grandchildren we look after and both have quite demanding elderly parents so working was becoming very stressful to manage time wise. We are loving all the extra time together it's fantastic.

Abracadabra12345 · 14/01/2023 20:40

greenspaces4peace · 14/01/2023 20:29

Believe me, both retiring at the same time can be difficult. You wake up one day and bam, in each others face and space 24/7.
that aside you’re younger and putting in a few more years is only reasonable. Do check your pension plan, going part time might not affect you very much.
this would allow you to take the longer holidays and weekends away together.

That sounds a perfect plan.

My husband retired at 62 a few years ago and I semi-retired when a works pension came in at 60. It was enough of a shock to the system when he retired, let alone if we'd both fully retired at the same time! This gave us both time to get things done in the house and to nurture friendships and hobbies (I hope he has some? Ime Its amazing how many retired men don't)

Im now almost ready to fully retire but am in a far better position socially than I was and so is he. Dreams of long trips together is lovely but you do have to adjust to sharing space 24/7 at home too. From both at work to both at home all the time, at the same time, is a big jump

Tontostitis · 14/01/2023 20:40

I retired sort of by accident early last year and my husband, whose 5 years older than me has just retired early too as we want to spend as much time as possible together. We have several grandchildren we look after and both have quite demanding elderly parents so working was becoming very stressful to manage time wise. We are loving all the extra time together it's fantastic.

KohlaParasaurus · 14/01/2023 20:40

OP, you may find that if your husband wants you to do things as a couple he will soon become tired of being limited by your annual leave allowance and pester you to join him in retirement😉I've recently retired and my younger DH, who was a SAHP for several years, is still working part time. I love having home-alone time, something I never had when I was working, but not being able to go off adventuring together on a whim whenever the sun shines is getting a bit wearisome. We've agreed that he should aim to retire on his next birthday. It'll means he'll work fewer years than me and retire younger, but our active years won't last forever.

Acheyknees · 14/01/2023 20:40

I'm with your DH, surely you'll take a hit on your pension if you retire early?

Demonto · 14/01/2023 20:40

I'm planning early retirement but all my calculations take into account DH retiring at the same time (9 years younger). In reality as he'll only be mid 40s, he can go part time or consultancy. Might go and redo my spreadsheet with that scenario Grin

OddBoots · 14/01/2023 20:42

DH and I have a similar gap and when we got married we did think that we would retire at about the same time but retirement ages have changed since then, especially for women, so that's had to change.

Abracadabra12345 · 14/01/2023 20:42

GroggyLegs · 14/01/2023 20:34

You wake up one day and bam, in each others face and space 24/7

OMG, the horror!

At least this way he's got 3 years to find a way to entertain himself & make some retiree friends OP.

Spot on!

illusi0n · 14/01/2023 20:43

My DH is 13 years older than me, we had a chat about retirement and put a plan in place to retire at the same time and pay what we need to into our pensions/savings to make that happen. We're 20+ years off so planning ahead to make it happen. I don't know if it'll be forever as I'll be quite young but given the age gap we want to make sure we can have some retirement/travelling together. You aren't being unreasonable to want that, but you are being unreasonable to just expect that without discussion or planning.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/01/2023 20:44

I think a lot of couples plan to retire at the same time, I don’t see why posters are saying “obviously” people don’t. They do.

You have to agree together OP.

Summerfun54321 · 14/01/2023 20:49

When can you actually afford to retire? Surely that's what makes the decision for you. You need to do the maths first.

SiobhanSharpe · 14/01/2023 20:50

OP see if you can make additional voluntary contributions to your occupational pension (it's tax efficient too) which might enable you to retire earlier, in addition you can still pay your NI voluntarily even after you have retired from paid work. It will help to boost your state pension and may even give you the required number of years for a full state pension when you reach pension age.

RainbowCat26 · 14/01/2023 20:51

I think I can see it from both sides. My DH falls into the “we should retire at the same time” camp which is interesting because I have a much better pension than him so I’m not sure how he plans to finance his slightly early retirement (I am targeting retirement at 60-65). That said our retirement plans are joint and involve lots of lovely holidays so if I retire much earlier than him they will all be on hold until he retires anyway!

diamondpony80 · 14/01/2023 20:57

I would imagine the person who reaches retirement age first would retire first. I'm younger than DH and definitely don't intend to retire when he does. I hate the idea of retiring though!