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Original poster

My inhertiance is causing issues in the family

291 replies

eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 13:10

Even writing this post I feel embarrassed as I am perfectly aware that we live in a world of financial hardship. So please know, I am not trying to brag and I don’t want a pity party. I just want some advice from an unbiased third party.

So here goes… I inherited a four-bedroom house from my Godmother last summer. She didn’t die but she wanted to distribute her estate before her impending divorce (so her husband, who didn’t own any of the properties in her portfolio, couldn’t take anything). In addition, she gave me a large sum of money to renovate the house as it was built in the 40s and hasn’t been renovated since. As a 22-year-old girl, this is something I should be happy about. It means I can live mortgage free for the rest of my life. However, it has become an issue within my family and my relationships.

My mum is a single parent and brought me and my sister up on her own - I am forever grateful! She thinks I should give her and my sister the money between them. My godmother explicitly advised that I use the money for bills (which are £900 a month including council tax and insurance) and to renovate the house as a builder quotes it might cost over £100k! I am only earning £21k annually so as you can imagine cannot afford to pay that on my own. I plan to rent out rooms to alleviate some of the costs but cannot do that until I renovate it. I decided to take my godmothers advice and renovate the home. Now my mum is suggesting I re-mortgage the house and give her and my sister £25k each. However, I don’t want the financial responsibility of mortgage payments and bills at my age and on my current salary. I suggested that in 2-3 years I might be in a better situation to do that, but she thinks I am being selfish, and this is causing issues between us.

I can’t help but feel guilty that I have inherited this house, because my family, my friends and people I meet that are my age are struggling and feel like everyone is judging me for getting the easy way out. Should I feel this way?

P.s. I am not a mum. But as this is a platform where family-oriented women share their stories I hope you won’t mind!

OP posts:
ddraigygoch · 19/02/2020 14:36

Don't you dare hand either of them a penny!
Your mother is queen of the CF!
Your Godmother has given you a wonderful gift and as long as it's all above board you should do a happy dance and crack on with your life.

Tell your mother that if she ever breathes a word about the money again she will be dead to you and any future children you have.
It's disgusting the pressure she has put upon you. And don't plan on giving them any money. That's not how it should ever work. Invest in yourself only.

FFSFFSFFS · 19/02/2020 14:36

I really wouldn't give anything to them at this stage - especially as it will have cashflow implications for you!!!

As said - your mum can do one and you can give something to your sister maybe at some point in time in the future.

Don't be bullied and guilted into - it will never end!

FFSFFSFFS · 19/02/2020 14:37

And ignore all the armchair experts - its obviously been through solicitors for the transfer to be done!

Roussette · 19/02/2020 14:37

If you do give your mum and sister something, would your sister give you something when she inherits?

Who says her sister is going to inherit? I'm in my 60s and I've never received a bean from a godparent. It's not totally mainstream to leave an inheritance to a godchild.

As a Mum I wouldn't expect anything

LimpidPools · 19/02/2020 14:38

Do not give your mother money OP. What reason do you have to do so?

I'd help my mum out because she really needs it. This is different.
You say your mum just can't save as much as she'd like. So she'd want to have it sitting in a bank account, earning minimal interest, while you paid interest against a mortgage.

Later on it would presumably all go on care home fees, or you'll be able to pay inheritance tax on (half of) it when it comes back to you.

It's just not financially sound.

Giving your sister something might be different. It might depend on how much she's in her godmother's will for, for example. I don't know. You've been very lucky, I guess between siblings I might feel like sharing my good fortune. But I don't know that you definitely should.

But for sure, nothing to your grasping mother!

What's she like the rest of the time? Is she a positive presence in your life, or more of a tricky character?

olivehater · 19/02/2020 14:38

As a mother with two daughters I would be said my two children had such different starts in life though no fault of their own. I would find it strange that your godmother treated you and your sister so differently. Presumably she is a family friend. I would hope you would help your sister out as and when you could. I wouldn’t expect anything myself.

Snowymascot · 19/02/2020 14:39

Please enjoy your gift from your Godmother. DO NOT take out any loans now or in the future for your mum and/or sister. You have already said your sister is named in her Godmothers will, so she will inherit from her. To bad if it is less than you got from your Godmother, infact your sister might inherit more.

Your mum is being unreasonable and damn right selfish asking you to do this.

RandomUsernameHere · 19/02/2020 14:40

I wouldn't be giving them a penny, your mother sounds like she is behaving horribly. Your godmother chose to give the house and money to you because she wants you to have it.

Straycatstrut · 19/02/2020 14:41

Why are people so grabby and selfish with family over money that isn't theirs? It's so disgusting and ugly.

My dad inherited a fortune from his parents when they died and could have easily helped me with a mortgage, driving lessons and car etc (I've realised since, this is how a lot of people my age get these things). I got a very small amount (was left it in the will), continued to struggle renting throughout my 20's. They paid off their mortgage, got a new fancy car, big caravan, had a month and a half abroad, wall knocked down and big new kitchen fitted, and my mum retired early. I didn't give it a second thought. I thought it was brilliant and was happy for them because they'd worked their backsides off for years and years! It wasn't my money was it? at all.

My Grandad has just died and he has a small fortune split between his 3 daughters (inc my mum) and I'll get something small again as it's in his will. That'll go towards driving lessons for me. Again, I don't expect a penny of my mums share which will be tens of thousands.

I'd much rather see my family happy with their gifts.

I've not really got any advice, but I'd definitely not reward them for being so disgustingly grabby.

Roussette · 19/02/2020 14:41

As a mother with two daughters I would be said my two children had such different starts in life though no fault of their own. I would find it strange that your godmother treated you and your sister so differently. Presumably she is a family friend. I would hope you would help your sister out as and when you could. I wouldn’t expect anything myself

Exactly and this is what happened to me and my sibling with his Godfather who showered him with money and gifts and left him an inheritance. I have never ever held it against my brother, but it doesn't make you feel terribly good.

AudTheDeepMinded · 19/02/2020 14:43

I received an inheritance around 15 years ago. The person had never met my siblings and only my Mother in passing. My siblings do not even know about the inheritance. It enabled me to marry and live mortgage free. My Mum knows but would never dream of claiming any of it. We are a young family now and money, even being mortgage free, is not in abundance. If we can afford to treat my Mum (days out, meals.holidays with us) we do but she never expects it. I think your Mum is entitled and it would turn me right off offering her any help or windfall, it's so bloody grabby. She chose to have children and support them, you don't have kids to ensure recompense from them in later life, weird thinking!

caffeinefix · 19/02/2020 14:43

OP - do not give your mum and sister a penny. Your mum will always want more. Don't remortgage. You have a once in a lifetime opportunity to be mortgage free, keep it this way.

NichyNoo · 19/02/2020 14:43

It's a tricky one. My DH inherited a sum of money from his godfather (no family connections and he'd only ever met him a handful of times). He split the inheritance with his sister as he felt he'd not done anything to deserve it and it was unfair on his sister. Maybe you could split it with your sister?

shudup · 19/02/2020 14:43

Don't under any circumstances give your greedy mother anything.

Get 5 builders quotes though before you go through with anything.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/02/2020 14:44

You have been given this gift for a specific purpose. If you tried to do anything else with it, your godmother would be within her legal rights to take it back.

While I can understand your DM and DS being disappointed that they didn't get anything - this is _your- godmother and she gave it to you.

As others have said, there may be legal repercussions if she does divorce her husband - but that, TBH is one of the reasons you shouldn't do anything that she hasn't specified.

If, for instance, you mortgaged the property, and gave a share to your DM and DS, or if you gave them any of the money she gave you for renovations, and then he was able to claim the house back,YOU would be the one responsible for any shortfall - and I would bet my life that they wouldn't be rushing to return any of the cash (assuming they hadn't spent it!)

This is yours, keep it, do what DGM suggested with the cash and then if it remains an asset that has to be sold, even if you are disappointed you aren't out of pocket.

I hope all goes well for you though, and you keep your wonderful gift.

Beautiful3 · 19/02/2020 14:44

Do as your godmother asked. She didn't want you to share it out nor should you remortgage the house! I would renovate it asap and move in. Just lie and tell them you have to hang onto it, in case it gets called back into probate (if she does in 7 years).

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/02/2020 14:45

Sorry - don't know how I stupidly underlined bits I wanted to italicise.

Weekday28 · 19/02/2020 14:45

I would share, but that's just my 2 pence. I think it would be the kind thing to do in this instance. Sell the house buy something smaller outright and gift them a little money. You have no idea how life is going to turn out. If you are to expect nothing from them ever then dont share.

shudup · 19/02/2020 14:46

You're 21 and on 21k if I've read correctly. Go to a chartered surveryors. If you have the plans bring them, if not, they'll advise you. Ask for 5 recommendations for builders. (Shop around with the Chartered surveyors too).

Roussette · 19/02/2020 14:47

As others have said, there may be legal repercussions if she does divorce her husband

The OP has already stated that she has divorced her DH, it's done and dusted.

I would like to know from OP if her GM has stated she has to keep the house.

2020newme · 19/02/2020 14:47

I think you need to stop referring to this as an inheritance when it is nothing of the sort.

It is a gift from a living person, wishing to deprive her ex husband of assets. I hope for your sake that doesn't come back and bite you on the bum.

Re your family, it has nothing to do with them. Unless your DSIS has the same Godmother, but you have clarified that she doesn't and she will be provided for by her own GM.

Why does your mother think she has a right to any of this money? My DD is the same age as you and I would be bloody delighted if her GM did something like this for her. I certainly wouldn't be holding my hand out, I would be offering support with what sounds like a huge project.

Good luck Flowers

AlternativePerspective · 19/02/2020 14:48

So the OP's Mum has struggled as a single parent bringing up 2 kids and one of them receives a gift that could be anything up to £1 million (house plus cash) .... I think I would feel a bit strange about that to be honest. Not sure she is as bad as you say... so where does that end? If the OP had a partner who died and she inherited a lot of money should she feel obliged to give that to her family as well?

There’ a vast difference between feeling a bit sad about it and demanding the beneficiary go into debt to make sure that she gets some.

I have a family member who absolutely believes that if any of us won the lottery the whole family would benefit (he’s not a sibling or parent). But I know with some certainty that if it was him who won nobody else would see a penny.

If I won the lottery I would give money to my immediate family although they would never expect it. But I wouldn’t even tell this other family member I’d won. And given I live some distance away from him he would never need to know.

He has fallen out with all of his siblings because of money they have and he doesn’t.

MummyJasmin · 19/02/2020 14:48

@Weekday28 - I'd probably do the same.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 19/02/2020 14:48

Keep your house, do it up as your godmother wished, do not feel guilty. Your mother is being extremely unreasonable.

shudup · 19/02/2020 14:48

Just explain the situation to them. Also - ask your lovely godmother.