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Original poster

My inhertiance is causing issues in the family

291 replies

eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 13:10

Even writing this post I feel embarrassed as I am perfectly aware that we live in a world of financial hardship. So please know, I am not trying to brag and I don’t want a pity party. I just want some advice from an unbiased third party.

So here goes… I inherited a four-bedroom house from my Godmother last summer. She didn’t die but she wanted to distribute her estate before her impending divorce (so her husband, who didn’t own any of the properties in her portfolio, couldn’t take anything). In addition, she gave me a large sum of money to renovate the house as it was built in the 40s and hasn’t been renovated since. As a 22-year-old girl, this is something I should be happy about. It means I can live mortgage free for the rest of my life. However, it has become an issue within my family and my relationships.

My mum is a single parent and brought me and my sister up on her own - I am forever grateful! She thinks I should give her and my sister the money between them. My godmother explicitly advised that I use the money for bills (which are £900 a month including council tax and insurance) and to renovate the house as a builder quotes it might cost over £100k! I am only earning £21k annually so as you can imagine cannot afford to pay that on my own. I plan to rent out rooms to alleviate some of the costs but cannot do that until I renovate it. I decided to take my godmothers advice and renovate the home. Now my mum is suggesting I re-mortgage the house and give her and my sister £25k each. However, I don’t want the financial responsibility of mortgage payments and bills at my age and on my current salary. I suggested that in 2-3 years I might be in a better situation to do that, but she thinks I am being selfish, and this is causing issues between us.

I can’t help but feel guilty that I have inherited this house, because my family, my friends and people I meet that are my age are struggling and feel like everyone is judging me for getting the easy way out. Should I feel this way?

P.s. I am not a mum. But as this is a platform where family-oriented women share their stories I hope you won’t mind!

OP posts:
FFSFFSFFS · 19/02/2020 14:19

Well your mother can fuck off and then some.

Sounds like your sister is in an okay position with her own deposit etc. and she has very reasonably not made it an issue.

I would possibly consider giving something to your sister at some point in time in the future when you are in a secure position having benefited from this wonderful windfall.

CalleighDoodle · 19/02/2020 14:20

@Papiermachecat what nonsense. What ultimate power do you think op now has? Hmm

Reginabambina · 19/02/2020 14:21

Hi OP. Don’t assume that the asset is safe. He may try to trace it (I know it seems unlikely now but often these things come up years later) or she may up and die leaving you with a tax bill.

Your mother is just being greedy. If some other person was demanding £25k off you (and demanding that you take out a debt to fund it) would you do it? I’ve given a portion of an inherentence to various family members so I’m not saying that you should never give people money, I’m just saying that you should let people emotionally blackmail you into getting into debt because they just want more money.

leckford · 19/02/2020 14:21

I am afraid, anything like this causes family problems. just keep the house, do it up it is yours.

anotherlittlechicken · 19/02/2020 14:23

You are being given advice and ignoring it, and only hearing what you want to hear. So I stand by what I say, you are breathtakingly naive if you believe what you said in the following post...

@eastendgirl234

The divorce is concluded and he accepted a payout. Without divulging too much into their dirty laundry I think he has been in and out of prison for domestic abuse and also fraud. So I don’t think her husband has much of a leg to stand on so accepted the payout. Again, I’m only relaying the information she has told me. But as far as I’m aware I’m legally sound (or at least I hope).

It is more than likely illegal, what your Godmother is doing. Believe it or not, I am actually trying to help you, be telling you to be careful, to not take anything yet, and that your Godmother is very likely breaking the law.

But you go on calling me rude, because I am saying what you don't care to hear.

I'm out! Good luck. You're gonna need it! Especially as you don't seem to be too bothered that your sister and mother are being ignored/left out. When it all goes tits-up, you'll need them then. And they won't be there. And I don't blame them.

As I said, I'm out. You can't help those who don't want help, and only listen to what they want to hear.

Roussette · 19/02/2020 14:24

I do think it's imperative that you ask your Godmother whether the house and cash was accounted for in the divorce settlement. Does the exH know about it? Did she get 3 valuations ?

I just know that my DCs (all adult and independent) would not have this huge windfall without giving something to their siblings.

After all it's the difference between possibly nothing and upwards of half a million, or more.

Knowing what they're like, any one of them would give something to the other two

SW16 · 19/02/2020 14:24

anotherlittlechicken

It isn’t a relative. It is a GodParent.

The OP’s sister had her own God Parent who has put her in her will.

For all we know the OP’s sister might inherit more than the OP.

partofthepeanutgallery · 19/02/2020 14:24

Do not remortgage your house. Your DSis is being remembered by her own godparent, as you've said, and your mum is just being plain old unreasonable.

Tell her you won't be discussing it anymore. Every time she starts, put the phone down, pick up your things and leave, etc ... just don't engage.

FlamingFreezing · 19/02/2020 14:24

Do not be guilted OP. Enjoy your good fortune, this will set you up for life. I may be inclined to assist my sister in your position. In a few years though as you say. Perhaps to take a small mortgage and give her the money to reduce hers.

I would not be inclined to give a penny to a mother who believes she’s ‘due’ something from her child’s good fortune and who is making her feel bad about it. She sounds quite toxic, has she always been this way?

I would be overjoyed the my daughter had a massive leg up in this situation, and I’d be extremely proud if she helped out her sibling to play if forward a bit. I certainly wouldn’t make demands for money myself!

Springsnake · 19/02/2020 14:24

Get advice ,you may have to give it back to pay for her care in the next 7 years .if she was married ,it

wasn’t hers to give away

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/02/2020 14:25

I wouldn’t give anyone any money. Your mums being greedy.

dottiedodah · 19/02/2020 14:25

I think your DM may be feeling aggrieved ATM .She has spent a long time struggling along as a SP, then DD gets a huge windfall! As far as you can, just tell her what you have said here .Money /property has an unfortunate downside in that everyone will want a slice of the pie ! I dont know about the legal side of things but it may be worth checking as it sounds a bit iffy IMO!

SW16 · 19/02/2020 14:27

I do think it's imperative that you ask your Godmother whether the house and cash was accounted for in the divorce settlement. Does the exH know about it? Did she get 3 valuations

The only thing the OP needs to be sure if is any liabilities and the terms under which it is given. The deeds will have needed to have been transferred with the involvement of a lawyer, who will have needed to conduct anti-money laundering due diligence etc.

Original poster
eastendgirl234 · 19/02/2020 14:27

My godmother is the kindest woman! She did not give it to me with malicious intent. She has no relationship with my mother and my sister is in her godmothers will.

I will get legal advice just to make sure. And I will give my mum and sister money. If not this year, then within the next 2 years.

OP posts:
Roussette · 19/02/2020 14:27

After all it's the difference between possibly nothing and upwards of half a million, or more

What I mean by that is.... your sister is getting nothing, nowt, zilch, and you are getting a huge windfall and a nice gesture would be to give her something. Personally I would sell the house and buy somewhere easier to manage. Or has your Godmother stipulated you can only have it if you keep it?

It does sound if that's the case if she is giving you money to renovate it....

SpinachMushroom · 19/02/2020 14:28

Your mother is a grasping greedy CF bitch.

Your sister is making her own way and she has her own godmother.

Do not remortgage. Your godmother must think extremely highly of you. What an amazing gift.

Tell your mother to bugger off.

Roussette · 19/02/2020 14:30

The only thing the OP needs to be sure if is any liabilities and the terms under which it is given. The deeds will have needed to have been transferred with the involvement of a lawyer, who will have needed to conduct anti-money laundering due diligence etc

Of course. But was the bottom line amount that was the divorce settlement for her exH, did it include the valuation of the house. Did he know about it?

ivykaty44 · 19/02/2020 14:31

What about the tax implications?

HollowTalk · 19/02/2020 14:31

Please don't make your mum and sister any promises right now. You don't know what the future holds and the last thing you need is for them to hold those promises over you.

Bagofoldbones · 19/02/2020 14:31

Eastern I raised dd1 by myself. I’d be over the moon for her is she was gifted this and I wouldn’t expect a penny.

Enjoy it! Congratulations this is massive!

Waterandlemonjuice · 19/02/2020 14:33

Your mum should be pleased for you, she is BU, don’t give them anything, you are doing as your godmother wishes.

Jaxhog · 19/02/2020 14:34

Assuming that everything is legal and above board, then I think your mother is being very, very unreasonable. If your godmother had wanted you to give anything to anyone else, she would have.

If you were rich, then I could understand that you might want to give her something. But you aren't. I find it quite extraordinary that she would even suggest that you take out a mortgage and pay her some money!! If you did this, it would also be deeply insulting to your godmother.

But I do suggest that you make sure this is a gift without any strings regarding her hubby and check your tax liability.

HollowTalk · 19/02/2020 14:34

If you do give your mum and sister something, would your sister give you something when she inherits?

Also you shouldn't give them anything for seven years, just in case something does happen to your godmother.

Roussette · 19/02/2020 14:35

Your mother is a grasping greedy CF bitch

So the OP's Mum has struggled as a single parent bringing up 2 kids and one of them receives a gift that could be anything up to £1 million (house plus cash) .... I think I would feel a bit strange about that to be honest. Not sure she is as bad as you say...

womaninblue · 19/02/2020 14:35

Has anyone else pointed out that the godmother may well be due to pay Capital Gains Tax if she's held this asset for some time? Has this been sorted out before the property was made over to the goddaughter? It has to be transferred at its proper value, too. We had something similar in the family a few years ago when a holiday cottage, bought for £5,000 in the late 1970s and valued at more than £450,000 40 years later incurred a Capital Gains Tax bill of something like £65,000.

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