How do you and Dh Split expenses

[Noklarawr]

I earn around £700 a month, DH earns around £1100. Personally I think my dh should pay more of the household bills but he is very firm on us both paying half, so half the rent, utilities, food costs etc. We also have a baby whom up until now I've bought more or less all of his clothes, books, toys etc. I've read that some people put all their earnings in to a joint account, pay the bills from that and then split the leftover each month, that would be amazing! I know that would never happen with my dh but what I've suggested is that on our rent bill for example which is £565 total, I pay £235 and dh pays £330, so 1/3 of my wages goes towards rent and just under 1/3 of his does too, same would go for other household bills. This would leave me next to nothing for personal expenses and a fair chunk of dh income would be left over for him to use as he pleases but he shot this idea down straight away. Am I being unreasonable to think he should contribute more as he earns more? I mean, I may not work as many hours as dh but I spend a lot more of my time looking after our child, that counts as work too in my mind.

No you're not being unreasonable.

We just pool all our money (not actually physically, we have various accounts in each of our names but it doesn't matter which account something comes out of and we just move money around if one needs topping up). We also don't keep track of how much we spend on things for ourselves to make sure it's equal or anything.

Yadnbu. We do the same as Spam. All money pooled. Various accounts but all are joint and both spend from the spending account without keeping any tabs on who spends what. It’s all just one pot.

both our salaries into same account which all expenses come out of. If one of us had a large expenditures planned, we discuss it otherwise both spends what we like. However, we are both careful with money and neither have an expensive hobby or go out very much

We put all our money together.

Of course he should pay more if he earns more. Why has he said no?

All pooled together into a joint account, don’t really split what’s left we just buy what we need, we are both quite sensible with money so there’s no resentment.

Does he split the housework , childcare, wifework and parental leave 50:50 too? What about childcare costs when he goes back to work?

Like Spam 88. And your DH will find out if you divorce that 'All that I have I share with you' is legally binding. Or did he just skip that bit in the marriage vows?

Or maybe you should make thing strictly fair by charging him for the additional time you spend looking after his child. And he most certainly should be paying 50% of all child related costs.

I am sure he wouldn't want to be seen as a cocklodger by your friends and family.

Pool everything and we each have personal "pocket money" to spend how we want on ourselves.

If your DH insists on you paying 50% then he needs to pay you for the childcare you do whilst he is at work and 50% of all DC expenses

Everything goes into one pot. Everything comes out of it.

We don't even divvy up the left overs. Just get what we want if money is available.

When you buy the clothes etc have you presented him with the receipt telling him to pay up his share?

Have you shown him what you’re left with if you go 50/50? Does he think that’s fair?

I would argue you need to move into a smaller one bed home as that is what you can afford. Say living where you are isn’t affordable for you.

Your current set up is unsustainable. Have you asked him what he would do if he ended upon long term sick or was sacked? How would he contribute his half?

We put all money online pot and each take what we need from that pot. We are not spenders, so no real concerns. And we discuss wants but not needs.

Who pays for the childcare?

I'm going against the grain here but my DH earns more than me and does pay more towards bills to reflect that but we pay the same % of our earnings into an account to cover bills to make it work like that so it's fair. Never in a million years would I expect to get a share of his disposable income because I had less left over from my own wage. If I want more 'spending' money each month then it's my job to go out and earn that and not rely on my DH in my opinion 🤷‍♀️

my DH earns more than me and does pay more towards bills to reflect that but we pay the same % of our earnings

So you do exactly what the Op is asking....

Both of our salaries go into one pot. (DH's salary is 40% more than mine because his FTE is higher and I work 4 days.) All bills come out of that as do expenses for DC and an agreed amount goes to joint savings. Each of us also gets the same amount transferred to our personal account for clothes, socialising, personal bills like mobile etc. We're a team.

Your DH is being wildly unfair. You don't have to totally blend finances as we have, but when you're married with DC you should absolutely contribute in proportion to your earnings and have the same disposable income. You should not have to fund your DC solo.

My money is his money, his money is my money. It goes into our account and then we pay our bills. All of this 'you should pay more because you make more' nonsense is just ridiculous. Why bother getting married if everything is such a pissing contest? How tiresome.

One account and been that way since just before we married. For most of that time dh earned more than me but currently its the other way around. Never any quibbles on who spends what, I generally spend more on myself than DH does I suspect.

All money is joint money for us. We have a joint account which both our pay goes into and all spending comes out of. If one of us wants to buy something expensive we discuss it and budget together for it if necessary. Anything left at the end of the month goes into joint savings account which is put towards Xmas spending.

These days DH gets paid a couple of hundred a month more than me but we've always done it this way even when I was PT and he earned more than double what I did.

Pre children when DH was the higher earner we split according to earnings, so in your case you'd pay 40% he'd pay 60%.

By the time DS came along we earned similar so we split everything 50:50.

I'm actually the higher now and while we still split household/child costs equally, I tend to "treat us" more.

cheesy but you’re doing what OP is proposing- and by doing it that way you DO get more disposable income than if you had to pay 50/50??

@Contraceptionismyfriend not quite. We only put that % in, nothing more. We don't then split what's left which is what she and everybody else is suggesting. I can't say I wouldn't like that in an ideal world but I don't think it's especially fair so would never do it 😄

@Scarydinosaurs I agree with what the OP has suggested to her DH, yeah. My comment about not splitting the excess 50/50 was just in response to what other people say they do.

All money goes into joint accounts, bills paid from there and anything left over is saved/spent on whatever we need. We each have a "pocket money" account, receiving an equal amount each month although I think I used to get a bit more for some reason ).
Whilst we earn roughly the same pro rata, I still only work 4 days a week (despite kids having now left University) because I use that 5th day to do all the house "stuff" which frees up both our weekends.
It's family money. My dh has his faults but meanness is not one of them. He would never take more money for himself than I have. It's ours to share.