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Original poster

How do you and Dh Split expenses

154 replies

Noklarawr · 06/10/2019 14:59

I earn around £700 a month, DH earns around £1100. Personally I think my dh should pay more of the household bills but he is very firm on us both paying half, so half the rent, utilities, food costs etc. We also have a baby whom up until now I've bought more or less all of his clothes, books, toys etc. I've read that some people put all their earnings in to a joint account, pay the bills from that and then split the leftover each month, that would be amazing! I know that would never happen with my dh but what I've suggested is that on our rent bill for example which is £565 total, I pay £235 and dh pays £330, so 1/3 of my wages goes towards rent and just under 1/3 of his does too, same would go for other household bills. This would leave me next to nothing for personal expenses and a fair chunk of dh income would be left over for him to use as he pleases but he shot this idea down straight away. Am I being unreasonable to think he should contribute more as he earns more? I mean, I may not work as many hours as dh but I spend a lot more of my time looking after our child, that counts as work too in my mind.

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 06/10/2019 15:50

. I’d tell him he has to pay for childcare, cleaner, ironing service, cook... unless he is doing half of this? If he is, and of course paying half of all of the cost of child costs.. clothes, nappies , shoes, entertainment etc then perhaps he has a point. However even if he is totally 50/50 a man who would not want us to be equal financially would not be my choice for a life partner, but that is perhaps just me

LoonyLunaLoo · 06/10/2019 15:50

All our money goes into and comes out of our joint account. DH earns about 4 times my earnings but he does spend a bit more too as he has more expensive tastes than me! We discuss more expensive purchases though together.

Spam88 · 06/10/2019 15:52

If I want more 'spending' money each month then it's my job to go out and earn that and not rely on my DH in my opinion

I would earn more than my DH if I worked full time. But I don't work full time so that our DD doesn't have to go into childcare every day and he had less flexibility to go part time. But I should still get less money than him? In which case I might decide to go full time and then I'll get to have more money than him - never mind that he took a massive pay cut to change to a job that worked better for us as a family, and otherwise would be earning a lot more than me.

Apileofballyhoo · 06/10/2019 15:53

Did you reduce your hours at work to care for your DC?

All our money is joint money since we had DS.

Chilledout11 · 06/10/2019 15:56

We earn similar amounts so we split everything but each have our own account. For the short time I earned less- dh paid all of the childcare which left us with similar amounts for spends.

If you are paying all the clothes etc I would write it down and ask for half. If he plays so petty so should you. Also look for a better paid job.

ellsisland · 06/10/2019 15:56

We have all our money going into one account and then have "pocket money" in our own accounts. DP earns significantly more than me but we both have the same amount of "pocket money" for coffees, clothes etc

Knittingnanny · 06/10/2019 15:56

It isn’t on for one person to be worse off financially in a partnership/marriage.
I’ve learned this isn’t normal after a dreadfully emotionally and financially abusive marriage in the early 80’s.

BuffaloCauliflower · 06/10/2019 16:00

Everything goes into one account, everything goes out of one account. We do budgets together and theoretically both know what’s going in and out. Realistically I have a better handle on it than him, I tend to take the lead on long term financial planning and savings, and I also spend more than him day to day (he’s not much bothered about make up or drinks out), but we’re an equal team. What kind of partner wants their partner worse off or struggling? Your DH doesn’t seem to get that.

Cheesey21 · 06/10/2019 16:06

@Spam88 not at all because your arrangement has been agreed as best for your family based on your circumstances. I just commented based on me and mine.

AMAM8916 · 06/10/2019 16:06

My DH is on about £35k a year and I'm on about £9.5k as I only work part time.

His wage covers everything. So bills, food, playgroup etc and there's a little left that we use for meals out and stuff. My wage gives us both pocket money every week and the rest gets saved for holidays and household stuff.

If he decided we pay half the bills, food, playgroup etc each, I simply couldn't as my share would be £1000 a month and I don't even earn that much. He would then have at least £1100 a month left.

If he insists on you still paying half each, invoice him each month for childcare. So if he works say 35 hours a week and you work 15, invoice him for 10 hours (half the difference) a week childcare at the going rate of £6 an hour. He'll soon learn that you only earn less because you do more of the childcare which allows him to work more and earn more.

You could also ask if he wants to work part time and do most of the childcare and you'll go back full time and you can split the bills as you do now and he can be left with nothing like you are now.

Seriously, do not put up with this rubbish.

Fishcakey · 06/10/2019 16:06

DH earns lots more than me. Both salaries paid into the joint account and we share.

Chloemol · 06/10/2019 16:06

If he insists all bills as paid 50/50 then he should be paying half the child’s costs. So present him with a bill for his half to date, and then continue to present him with the bills moving forwards

Bokky · 06/10/2019 16:08

We have a joint account. DH earns around 4 times what I do but it all goes in and out of the same pot. We've had a joint account since we married and have never had separate pots of money. Whatever is left at the end of the month we put into joint savings. To be honest, I spend more than he does. Hair, nails, etc. He never really spends anything on himself and doesn't ever begrudge me spending what I do.

CallmeAngelina · 06/10/2019 16:10

Yes, Chloemol, and that should include half your childminding fees for his child too.

ineedaholidaynow · 06/10/2019 16:18

Cheesy what happens to the money left over after bills? I assume your DH has more, is that for him to spend on himself or treats/holidays for the whole family?

I am always amazed how many husbands expect the costs of children be it clothes, toys, childcare to come out of the wife’s salary even if she is on lower income. It’s like they don’t realise there are cost implications of having children!

BackforGood · 06/10/2019 16:28

All money into the same account (2 x salary and child benefit), then everything comes out of there, including some "pocket money" for each of us to do as we like with. Obviously, the same amount for each of us as we are a team. Equal partners.

Cheesey21 · 06/10/2019 16:33

@ineedaholidaynow he either spends it on what he wants (never much) or puts it into his savings. He does pay for a lot more meals out and has taken me away a few times etc but I would never expect it which is the point I was trying to make. He just has a more expensive car and things because he can afford to.

We don't have childcare issues yet so I'm happy to admit my feelings may change then!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 06/10/2019 17:05

We do the all in one pot but work similar hours and share the household and parenting load 50/50.

If he worked less hours than I wouldn’t expect less financial contribution from him as he would have the luxury of working less so that’s the benefit to part time work.

Ffsnosexallowed · 06/10/2019 17:10

All of our money is joint money. How on earth would a partnership work if one has more disposable income than the other???

Original poster
Noklarawr · 06/10/2019 17:10

This got a lot more responses than I anticipated!
It's good to know I'm not the only one that thinks dh is being a bit selfish.
I should clarify, after a fair portion of all the bills are paid from each of us I don't want any of his spending money, I don't mind having very little left over each month.
Also, he has said if he thinks DS needs things he would pay half, he just doesn't think toy, books or most clothing are needed, basically he'll contribute towards things he thinks ds really needs.
As for childcare costs I'm lucky that our work days for the most part don't overlap, I have ds the 4 days dh works, dh has ds one and a half of my days and my mum looks after ds the other day.
Dh is sticking to his guns, it's his money, he works for it, I shouldn't penalize him for earning more etc etc etc it's actually quite depressing after reading all these nice partnership marriages Hmm

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 06/10/2019 17:13

Did you not discuss thing like this before dropping to such low hours?

Get him to cover half the childcare costs and go back full time. It doesn’t sound like he was fully on board with the part time thing

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/10/2019 17:13

Was you working part time agreed between both of you?

smartiecake · 06/10/2019 17:18

What about presents? Christmas? Family birthdays? Pushchair? Shoes for your son? Winter coat for him? Who will buy these every year?? You at least need a seperate pot for your childs needs to be paid out of.
All our wages go into one account and everything comes out. Dh earns more than double what i earn but i am PT.

Original poster
Noklarawr · 06/10/2019 17:19

If I were to get a few evening shifts a week to make up the money on my side to come close to dh there would be no one to look after ds, the childcare costs we eat up nearly all the extra earnings.
Dh goes to band practice usually 2 evenings a week until midnight-ish, the days change so he wouldn't be home to watch ds, otherwise it would make sense

OP posts:
Original poster
Noklarawr · 06/10/2019 17:21

Ds is only 11 months so first birthday and second Christmas haven't happened yet but I've been buying things through the year when I've seen something on sale or second hand, dh hasn't bought any presents

OP posts: