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Original poster

How do you and Dh Split expenses

154 replies

Noklarawr · 06/10/2019 14:59

I earn around £700 a month, DH earns around £1100. Personally I think my dh should pay more of the household bills but he is very firm on us both paying half, so half the rent, utilities, food costs etc. We also have a baby whom up until now I've bought more or less all of his clothes, books, toys etc. I've read that some people put all their earnings in to a joint account, pay the bills from that and then split the leftover each month, that would be amazing! I know that would never happen with my dh but what I've suggested is that on our rent bill for example which is £565 total, I pay £235 and dh pays £330, so 1/3 of my wages goes towards rent and just under 1/3 of his does too, same would go for other household bills. This would leave me next to nothing for personal expenses and a fair chunk of dh income would be left over for him to use as he pleases but he shot this idea down straight away. Am I being unreasonable to think he should contribute more as he earns more? I mean, I may not work as many hours as dh but I spend a lot more of my time looking after our child, that counts as work too in my mind.

OP posts:
thebakerwithboobs · 06/10/2019 21:41

I haven't read the thread, I admit it!! My husband and I had a system for this when we were first living together many moons ago and we have never altered it. At the time, he earned a lot more than me (and I have to be fair to him, he would have happily paid everything but I didn't want to be 'kept'...that was youth as i would quite happily do it now 😂) so we worked out what percentage of the household income we earned and we split the bills that way. We added the fixed bills together and worked out our percentage and that was what went into the joint account from both of us. We review it every year. Works for us, would be a bit faffy for others and my mother has always been horrified by it!

NoSquirrels · 06/10/2019 21:44

Come on, OP.

You know it’s ALL shit - the financial split, the childcare split, the leisure time split, the absolutely puss-poor effort of ‘taking out a rubbish bag once you’ve filled it’ ... not to mention refusing to contribute Tina winter hat and coat for his baby son and only just learning how to make up a bottle.

Not. OK.

pinkprosseco · 06/10/2019 21:52

My Dh pays much more as he earns more. I can't believe your dh is so mean

StuntNun · 06/10/2019 22:11

How about setting up a separate account to pay for things for your DS that you both pay into? After all his costs are only going to increase. What's going to happen when he's older and you have to find £400 for a school trip or something similar.

Howaboutmeow · 06/10/2019 22:18

We earn around the same, and each put £100 in our joint account every week. He puts £80 in his car account, I pay for groceries and whatnot. It works perfectly for us :)

FinallyHere · 06/10/2019 22:25

he is very firm on us both paying half, so half the rent, utilities, food costs etc. We also have a baby whom up until now I've bought more or less all of his clothes, books, toys etc.

Why are you not very firmly insisting on him paying half the baby's costs.

Only fair way to do it is to have a joint account, into which you pay in proportion according to your income.

mummmy2017 · 06/10/2019 22:34

Since your husband is being a twat fight back .
He cooks,bet he likes nice meat and treats in the shopping, cut them out.
Sky TV. Gone.
Any other treats your paying for. Stop.
Bottles of wine and beer gone.
Don't buy his toiletries, or and clothing for him.
Text him everytime before you buy anything for your child.
Don't go out for meals, unless you tell him he needs to pay as your broke .
Birthday gifts for DS again show ask, and tell him to transfer the payment.

Monday55 · 06/10/2019 22:36

In that case get him deported pronto! plant class A drugs on him and make an anonymous call to the police that he is dealing!

MirandaWest · 06/10/2019 22:40

We both put all our money into the joint account. Fixed amount goes into joint savings. And we both get an equal amount transferred to our own accounts. We earn similar amounts but even if we didn’t I think we’d do the same thing.

Nat6999 · 06/10/2019 22:44

So if your marriage ended would your husband lose his Visa & have to return to Canada? If this is the case, I would just gently remind him that if your marriage was to end, he would be on a plane home & unless he stops being financially abusive your marriage is over. Yes he is being financially abusive, he is leaving you beholden to him. If you were on your own you would get about £217 a week on top of your wages in universal credit.

timshelthechoice · 06/10/2019 22:52

He can still stay! There's some new clause that allows people who have a child here to stay. He won't get deported. Get rid of him. He's financially abusive.

caringcarer · 06/10/2019 22:58

My dh and I both have salary paid into our own bank accounts and then we both transfer £1000 each into joint account and 2 adult children who live at home also transfer same money across to our joint account and then all household bills including mortgage, gas, electricity, water rates, council tax, garden bin, Virgin media including ac extra room, internet and home phone, food, cleaner, stamps, family meals out etc. We pay our own mobile phone contracts, gifts, gym membership, going out with friends, credit card and also have own savings account. We earn similar amounts and go halves on our holiday costs.

Our 2 ac both sons, earn differing amounts and one pays more than the other into household costs because of this. Both sons think this is fair so why your dh expects you to pay as much as him escapes me. If he earns 20% more he should pay 20% more on all bills. If he stubbornly refuses to pay more into household account you need to start billing him for his half of the childcare that you do. He is being a dick and he knows it. Will he pay half childcare when you go back to world? If yes I would go back full time sooner rather than later. I hope the child benefit is in your name if you are buying all child's clothing.

caringcarer · 06/10/2019 22:59

not same but some

yikesanotherbooboo · 06/10/2019 23:22

Whenever I read these threads my heart sinks.in my opinion you and your DH are a family with your DC and all income and expenses should be shared. If you eg were a high earning financier and your DH was a teaching assistant; both of you would be working hard and contributing to society , why would you somehow deserve more spending money within your household or your husband have to scrimp and feel stressed out in order to keep his fiscal end up. It is not moral or fair. Why has your DH married? I am seething on your behalf , sorry OP.

Spam88 · 07/10/2019 07:28

How are you doing this morning OP?

Pepperwand · 07/10/2019 09:56

This is just so sad. You don't have a real marriage or family life as you're not a partnership. I cannot understand his reasoning on why bills are split 50/50 when you don't earn the same amount. This is what you do with housemates, not your husband for god's sake! This is the person who is meant to love you, so why is he so happy to see you struggle and go without? My DH earns over three times as much as me and we both have the same amount of spending money in our own accounts each month and anything over and above that goes into the joint account for all bills and joint expenses including anything associated with the children. That is a fair and equal partnership.

Someone who can afford to do or have nicer things than their lower earning partner because they force them to pay 50% of all bills and most costs associated with their own child is not someone I would want to share my life with. Do you really want your son growing up thinking this selfishness and disregard for your own family is normal? Because it definitely isn't.

Original poster
Noklarawr · 07/10/2019 10:46

Well my husband has agreed to pay a higher percentage of the bills but is still adamant it's his money, so I'm halfway there, I'm calling that a victory for now Smile

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 07/10/2019 10:59

Please don't fall into the trap of accepting the crumbs he throws you.
This is a shambles and he's taking the piss.

How much is he going to contribute?
How will he be paying for your child's costs?
Is he going to reduce his ridiculous amount of hobby time to actually help you?

RandomMess · 07/10/2019 11:24

Is he actually going to agree to pay for what DS needs not what he determines he needs!!!

He really is throwing you crumbs.

Please do not have another child with him unless he majorly grows up and stops abusing you.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 07/10/2019 11:32

This is very depressing to read (including your latest update). I’m afraid you married a selfish bastard and then compounded it by having a child with him.

itsbetterthanabox · 07/10/2019 11:33

You need to tell him you are working more as you need more funds and if he wants to do social non work things when he should be looking after DS then He needs to pay for and arrange childcare.
Him having fun band time isnt more important than you working.

NoSquirrels · 07/10/2019 11:37

Fine, it's his money.

Charge him for EVERYTHING you do in childcare, in domestic shit work and in loss of leisure time.

He's selfish. You're young. You do not need to put up with this.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/10/2019 14:08

When you say bills, does that include all costs re DC?

JenniferM1989 · 07/10/2019 14:34

Leave him, he sounds like an utterly selfish prick!

If you were apart from him, you'd get the child element of UC, working element of UC and housing element of UC. Your food costs would be lower and so would your other bills without him there. Oh and he'd need to pay maintenance as it's unlikely he'd be able to do 50/50 shared custody when he pisses off for weeks at a time with his 'band' and has band practice every week on top of that.

You'd probably actually be better off. Don't let your child think this is normal. Dad neglecting his family for a stupid band and letting mum struggle to make ends meet. Oh and dad thinking a winter coat isn't a basic need. He really is a nasty, selfish and self centered arse wipe. I'm angry for you

JenniferM1989 · 07/10/2019 14:34

Leave him, he sounds like an utterly selfish prick!

If you were apart from him, you'd get the child element of UC, working element of UC and housing element of UC. Your food costs would be lower and so would your other bills without him there. Oh and he'd need to pay maintenance as it's unlikely he'd be able to do 50/50 shared custody when he pisses off for weeks at a time with his 'band' and has band practice every week on top of that.

You'd probably actually be better off. Don't let your child think this is normal. Dad neglecting his family for a stupid band and letting mum struggle to make ends meet. Oh and dad thinking a winter coat isn't a basic need. He really is a nasty, selfish and self centered arse wipe. I'm angry for you

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