Drowning in debt? Don't know how to get out? You are not alone. Come and share and find a way through ....

[Talkinpeece]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Thanks, Talkin. 🙂

Thanks Talkin let 2019 be the year that I finally change my spendthrift ways for good, just been in B and M to get a couple of bits and somehow have spent £80

I mean who actually needs loo roll with Father Christmas on it? For gods sake

Or Elf outfits for the whole family

Oh yes, frivolous spending.
DH and I threatened to buy the elf costumes from Lidl ... our children said they would not come home for Christmas if we did !!

But seriously, Christmas is when people buy an awful lot of January landfill.
Buy less but buy better.

I've said to my kids that they are not getting any "stuff" this year
just things they actually need / will use right through the year
it makes the presents less exciting
but does not trash the planet or our budget.

Hi talkinpeece thanks for letting me know about this!
It would be really good to hear if anyone out there is in a similar position to me. I just found out last month my husband ran up 40k of debt we're now in a debt management plan but this month been a complete shock I'm now trying to come to terms with an immense debt at the same time as learning to take over the finances completely to stop anything like this ever happening again so I'm feeling really overwhelmed at the moment!

Onescared
You are most definitely not alone.
And hidden debt is far more comment than many would admit.
The main thing now is to pull together and move forwards with honesty.

I'm sat down tonight trying to get a handle on things. If we're going to move forward I need to sort this out as fast as possible it probably sounds like a stupid thing to worry about but we were supposed to be saving to move house our catchment senior school is listed in the 25 worst in the country and I feel like my kids can't go there but all the other decent schools we're not catchment and they're all over subscribed all I've ever wanted is to give them my kids the best start I could possibly give them and right now I'm feeling like I've completely failed them.
I'm seriously considering moving back up north husband's job can move now (he's a specialised police Force there were no jobs in the North so we moved here now there are jobs an hour from our family) we could clear the debt and still have a deposit for a decent house in a decent area with good schools. But our kids were all born here they don't want to move and in honesty neither do I I have amazing friends here that are as close as family I honestly don't want to leave them it took me a long time to etch myself a life I'm happy with I don't want to now leave it behind and go back somewhere where I wasn't happy in my own skin.

Re School - My local school is utterly shite but I managed to get my kids into the neighbouring one - you may do the same.
And if you do not, support your kids and it will be OK

You have not failed. You have both had a nasty shock but if you pull together will become stronger.

Plan to stay in your current house till you get the debt cleared and your heads around living within your means.

On the spreadsheet thread is a budget sheet - save it to your own computer and sit down with your DH and work out a plan.
You are in charge now, but you have to do it together to avoid resentment.

I have got debts of around £8000, my other half has no idea and would be horrified if he knew. The way we organise our money is that we pay proportional amounts into a joint account for bills and food and then each have a similar amount in our own bank account s to save or spend as we wish. He's a saver and I'm a spendthrift. It's got to the point where I have hardly anything left after paying my debt repayment s and petrol. This month we get paid on 29th Dec and I have got £28 to last until then after petrol god knows how I have ended up in this situation. I know a lot of it is down to insecurity, wanting to treat DC to extra things, feeling like I am being negatively judged by others. Pathetic I know. Sorry for essay, I have noone in RL to talk about the debt with and it's really getting me down.

My debt is on 2 loans, interest rates are not great, one is 6.5 other is 7.5%, I also have 3 credit cards, but there's nothing on 2 of them and 3rd is a Virgin Money one and at the moment there is about 2k on there that is interest free for 24 months. I pay £100 per month to that one, £228 to loan one which is due to finish August 2019, Loan 2 got for another 4 years pay £100 for that one. I don't know if can move Loan one to the Virgin card, there's space on there and they do some good deals on 0%, but I would have to pay penalty 2 months interest I think, for sake of another 9 months should I just suck it up and leave the loan 1 where it is?

Loan 2 was supposed to be a consolidation loan but I ended up spending the money instead. Really bad idea

From January this year to now I've run up 15k's worth of debt. Jan to Aug was okish it was only 6k and manageable. but in August a very difficult separation happened and I've had to spend a load on solicitors lawyers and barrister around a grand a month in fees, plus I've been comfort spending my way into out of depression.

this last fortnight especially I've buried my head in the sand and I really need to sort things. yesterday I got another bill from the lawyer for £900. Basically, just before Christmas I'll blow my whole wages on household, debts and bill.

@OldGrinch
As I say in the opening post (and have said for many year) it is HORRIBLY easy to get into debt.
But by buying kids things you cannot afford you are not in fact doing them favours.
"No, we cannot afford that" is a rock solid message for them to learn from a young age.
As then THEY will not get into debt as adults.

No more consolidation.
Control your spending.
Teach your kids to enjoy charity shops and second and and LESS
Get rid of those debts and the day you do, tell your DH exactly what happened and how and what you did to sort it.

I suspect he already knows deep down inside.

disney
Huge hugs for your legal situation. I am paying a lawyer at the moment and the bills make me shudder every time. But I know its the right thing to do.

Comfort spending will lead to more regrets.
Do you have any free hobbies / activities that can give you a similar endorphin high?
Are you a member of a gym or anything like that ?
Just that positive ways to clear your head are always better than buying tat

Just stopping by to thank you for the thread, Talk (and not just because I'm a fan girl )

I'm trying competitive (with myself) non-spending at the moment - I've managed well without buying "stuff" for the last few months, but the downside is that my eating has correspondingly gone out of control: I didn't make the connection until I read this thread - food is basically a cheap reward Now I have to figure out another way to get the rush - you'd never know I'm a sentient human being some times

@Talkinpeece thank you very much

two weeks ago I had a pretty miserable time and it sent me into a nosedive.

Gym would be good at lunchtime I guess I'd prefer evening so I could tire myself out and get better night sleep, to do that would be a double whammy gym fees + sitter.

This week I'm going to sit down, take stock and sort out a plan.

Hi there Hefzi
Ah yes, the link between food and spending - its a stinker!
But if you buy less food you'll save even more money

Disney
I think you just found your own solution there ....
Nip to the gym in your lunch break for a half hour run / swim / row / stretch

Then in the evening, with children, start doing Jillian Michaels shred or Yoga with Adrienne
or if you have an old wii, start doing wii fit or wii tennis
because active time with kids costs nothing / is funny / builds good habits in them and is good for you

In the spring you can get into after school walks / adventures but while the weather is pants, indoors is better

We have come into debt this year I have about 2.5k on credit cards and dh has had to take a 9k loan to clear some other debts after he wasn't paid on a contract. Its gutting as we worked so hard to get out of debt about ten years ago (just young wreck less spending) and have been so careful ever since. Not being paid has set us back and now I quietly worry every day that my overtime at work (which I rely on to make bigger debt payments) will stop. I managed to pay 365 this month and have worked out I will be able to another 700 off by Jan. This will help so much but every single spare penny I have has gone on making overpayment and I'm in need of clothes and make up a haircut etc. I've cut back as much as possible. Thankfully we saved for Xmas through the year and bought the kids bits in September. We don't buy for family just one secret santa which is a huge relief. Nices and nephews we buy but we picked things up in Jan sales and toys we got on argos 3 for 2 back September. I can't wait to be out of debt.

I missed my first debt payment yesterday for the first time in years and next week I'll miss another.
my head has just bobbed under the water, so now it the time to bite the bullet and get back in track

Raver84
You will manage. You have a clear eye on what needs doing.
Silly thought - can you do any sort of an ebay/facebay clearout to raise a few extra pounds ?

After sitting and working out all incoming a and outgoings for the month this month should be a little easier as DH worked an overtime shift which leaves us an extra £230 we're spending Christmas with family which will cost alot in petrol but we won't need to do a big Christmas shop so so they should cancel each other out. I did nearly all the family Christmas presents in the January sales (I do this every year and get presents 1/2 price) I've picked up most of the kids presents too so thankfully we never go mad at Christmas so my DCs don't expect too much. They get 3 presents from us and one and a stocking from santa we spend about £70 each but start around August to spread it out. I think I can put at least £230 aside this month to start and sort out the smallest debt. Next month I'm hoping I can put aside about £800 as DH has £650 worth of overtime due to be paid and I've been managing to put aside £50 each week from my food budget. That means I should be able to pay off the first debt by February. That will then mean we are paying more of the remaining debts.
Oldgrinch please tell your OH its hard but my DH is relieved now that I know and he's not constantly trying to hide things. I'm struggling still with it as it's early but I hope we'll be stronger by the time we're through this.

my DH is relieved now that I know and he's not constantly trying to hide things
This
Its a really common theme that the strain of hidden debt eats at relationships

in one of the early threads the partner was so relieved that it was just money as they thought the issue was an affair !!!!

I’m having some debt problems, it’s accumulated over the last 6 years since my ex left me with a mortgage, a joint loan and nursery fees. I’ve since racked up significant debt after a failed relationship, losing my job and currently being in a minimum wage job on uc.

I’m mortgaged with about 12k in equity (but it’s still a joint mortgage). I’ve been in touch with StepChange and my options are bankruptcy or an IVA. I’m 42 and so pissed off that I’m in this situation. I’m tempted by bankruptcy as I have an old car, no other assets apart from my pension and I’m not sure if they would pursue a house sale for 6k. The IVA on paper sounds better but it’s a stretch financially every month for 5-7 years.

Any advice?

Hi there ZoFlora

• Nursery fees ; I take it the small person is now in school so that is an amount you are whittling down?
• Mortgage in joint name ; do you have legal title over the house

I never suggest bankruptcy with children because of the repurcussions over the following years.

What format is the non mortgage debt ?
Credit cards or fixed repayment loans?
If cards, do the standing order trick.
IVA is an option as that would freeze the interest

and you are right that no lender would like to be seen to put a single mother out onto the street.

Is your ex paying towards your child ?
Do you have space to take in a lodger?