Drowning in debt? Don't know how to get out? You are not alone. Come and share and find a way through ....

[Talkinpeece]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

I was at work today and the funding for CAB branches varies MASSIVELY by area.
But they are allowed to handle "out of catchment" queries
if your local CAB is swamped, ask around

Good to know, Talkin.

just boinging this up to the top of the board to welcome newcomers over the coming days.

Hello, Talk linked to you all on a thread of mine about my DH revealing £38k of secret debt to me last night! Very much in shock right now and worried about my marriage.

Angry because we get the 30 free hours next month and we were going to be able to save and just relax a little after over 2 years of massive nursery bills. We were also going to start looking at moving to a nicer area as the one we live in at the moment is pretty grim. Now of course that will all have to be put in hold.

So the debt is mainly a loan at £23k and then a credit card at £10k, another at £3k and then a couple of store cards with smaller amounts on.

I see from reading this thread that we need to set up standing orders for these is that correct? And also snowball starting with the smallest debt?

Hi there SecretDebt
Welcome to one of the most supportive corners of MN
The key to debt reduction is to reduce the amount you pay in interest.
List out each of the balances and the interest rate applicable to each.

All of the cards get switched from direct debit to Standing Order at the amount that was paid last month.
Whichever has the highest interest rate gets an extra £50 a month thrown at it.
When its gone, the whole amount (standing order plus extra) gets thrown at the next most expensive.
The total value of the debt is much less important than the interest rate.

Once all of the cards are gone - and all but one cut up - check the terms on the loan and see if you can overpay.

The other thing to bear in mind is that interest rates on savings are normally a pittance (like less than 1.5%) compared with that charged on borrowing (often over 20%)
So it can be worth using half of savings to clear debt and then replenish savings later.

For now, you and he need to go back through the last three years of the card statements and work out EXACTLY where the money has gone.

Everything that was spent on keeping up with the rich mate ceases immediately.
All computer games / consoles / equipment in the house get triaged and all but the essentials are sold.
Clothes and shoes - again declutter, tidy and release cash.
EVERY PENNY of those funds goes back against the debt.

You two need to do a budget that prioritises stuff that matters and will keep you together happily
then your marriage has a decent chance.
Good luck.

Thanks Talk :) Have been trawling through statements this morning and so far they back up what he has been saying about spending it on lots of small stupid things. He spends a phenomenal amount on Amazon so will need to trawl through that too.

There have been some stupid things like £900 on car repairs which he didn't tell me about so I had no idea they needed paying! £1500 on a trip with his friends also. Just stupid stupid decisions.

Hi there secret
Amazon - remove all cards from the account, change the password and log it out.
ditto ebay

£1500 on a "lads" trip - yup that is well within the bounds of blokeish bravado.
As part of his growing up process, he needs to cancel all future bookings with this "friend" and give the real reason
(look up the character of Mrs Smith in Persuasion by Jane Austen to give long term perspective)

Hiding car repairs - what an utter muppet. You can tell him that from me

Thanks Talk once I have been through Amazon I will shut it all down.

I love Persuasion! To be fair to the friend he had no idea DH couldn't afford these things and is being very supportive now. He is DS' Godfather and won't allow DH to mess up his future.

He has just about everyone telling him he is an utter muppet right now

Secretdebt
He is DS' Godfather and won't allow DH to mess up his future
You are both lucky.
The fact that the rich friend will be supportive and take the piss in a constructive manner will make the whole process work much more smoothly.

Some people are just shit with money.
My MiL spent it like water. DH would too if he knew how to log into his main bank account

Yes we are lucky too that MIL isn't one to just defend her son but is very clear that he has been a complete idiot and that he is very lucky that I didn't throw him out on his arse. She will also take the piss out of him in a loving way which I think will be good for him too.

Does anyone here have any positive stories of rebuilding their marriages after financial infidelity? Feel like I need a few positive ones!

I find it interesting
I picked up your thread through "active" - I never normally go near "relationships"
by golly they are an unfriendly crew

in most of the world, most people are muddling along and doing their best
the only reason I'm not a CAB counsellor is that I make more money other ways

your DH is a Class a wazzock / twonk / smeghead
but he is by no means alone
I know of so many families where to keep the illusion one or other partner is in crippling debt

that is why my standing order trick is such a success that the FSCS adopted it

• clear the debt by paying the same

for your DH, I'd suggest you get him to do an advance search of my baseline name TalkinPeace
(it goes back to 2006 so he'll be busy)

and he'll find my advice without spotting your threads

secret
She has name changed but read this
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3396967-Husband-hid-40k-debt

Thanks Talk it was so reassuring to read some positive stories on there! I understand why people can have clear cut views on this and for them it would be a deal breaker. And if the money had gone on drugs etc then it would have been a deal breaker for me too.

I can however see how he got into this mess (doesn't mean he isn't a complete idiot) and I can understand why he was too scared to say anything. Our marriage was so fab before this that I feel that not giving it a try would be throwing the baby out with the bath water.

He is starting the process of selling his laptop, PlayStation and headphones today. I have been through his Amazon and once again it is just regular buying of crap. Electronics etc. He also occasionally gets it into his head that he will start a new sport or hobby and rather than giving it a go for a while before getting all the kit he just buys it all straight away.

Just cancelled our holiday for October ☹️ The summer one is fully paid and I have checked and they take the full amount if we cancel so at least DS gets that holiday.

Secretdebt
Cancelling holidays is tough, but if you are meant to be saving, more than one a year is possibly a tad excessive anyway.

Ah yes the "I need all the kit for a new hobby" game. Tell him to take up something really cheap

Bumping up for the April crowd

Looking for advice please. How do I go about trying to transfer my credits cards to 0% without it affecting my already crap credit rating? Is there a way or should I just risk it and apply?

Hi there Devaki
Are all of your current debts up to date (even if ticking along)
if so you should be able to get one 0% and then snowball the debt from there.
Good luck.

Talkinpeece - Yes I'm up to date with all payments. I've looked at Moneysavingexpert website and there's a card eligibility thing on there - I put my details in and it says I have a 'slim' chance of getting a 0% card for the amount I need.

I wonder if I could try and put the highest % one at 0%?

THe alternative is to get them all onto standing orders and wait a year and then you'll have a fraction of your current debt
or two years and you'll have none

Hi all

Just wondering if anyone here has had a DRO before? I've got a fair bit of debt (under 10k though) and realistically can't afford to make significant payments towards it.
I've been ignoring letters (I know, really stupid) and had a bit of a shock when an enforcement agent knocked at the door today. I didn't answer, was in bed with tonsillitis but he posted a letter through the door and then called me after to talk about it.

I completely freaked out after, realising what I've actually allowed to happen and ended up calling step change. We went through my finances, and because the debt is all from before I met DH, they have said to only include my personal income on the budgeting form. So on paper, the outgoings I pay for are over £100 more than what goes into my bank. Which is about right because DH usually transfers 100 into my bank every month to make up the shortfall.

I guess my question is, is it right that I only include my income on all the forms? Dh earns a lot more than me (although we still have very little left at the end of the month) but he also pays all the bills and big expenses. My paltry wages pay for food shopping, TV licence, prescriptions and anything the kids need like clothes or school trips.

The advisor said DRO is definitely the best way forward for me, but I feel a bit worried that I've not given all the right information etc.

With regards to the debt, DH doesn't actually know about it all. When I split up from my ex (DCs dad) he turned up with a van and took nearly all our furniture etc and I ended up getting a load of payday loans and catalogues to replace it all. he even took the DCs bunk beds, and the bed I was sleeping in which meant I slept on the sofa for 2 years. I was 24, a newly single parent and totally buried my head in the sand. I also stopped paying a lot of bills that I couldn't really afford, because until I found a job 7 months later, I was on income support which genuinely didn't cover all my outgoings. Even when I was working, there were still things I couldn't pay. I've basically just ignored it since then. I want it sorted because it's a daily weight on my shoulders, and I do trust what the advisor has said. I'm not bothered about it affecting my credit rating, it's shot to shit anyway so 6 years with a DRO on file won't be an issue. I asked about an IVA but he seemed to think that I wouldn't be able to get one as my wages are low.

Bit rambly but I'm in a bit of a state just writing it all down.

Welcome Superbird
You have typed it out. That is the first step.
Next steps
Write out every debt you have .... what is the current amount, what is the interest rate, what do they take every month.
THEN
Every debt that you can switch into a standing order (see the spreadsheets thread)

and now the hard bit
show the list to your DH and work out a family plan to move forwards

it will be OK