Drowning in debt? Don't know how to get out? You are not alone. Come and share and find a way through ....

[Talkinpeece]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Definitely look into it. We dont know what we get week to week, partner kinds out next weeks hours a week or so in advance and is paid for the hours done the following week. So wish he was in a salary based job.

Ok I now swear fate is after me I got bought a newish car by grandma trying to help me and the kids it's the newest car I've ever owned could fit all the car seats in the back I was really happy because they were safe yesterday I drove into a corner to find an old woman driving towards halfway in my lane head on collision driver side to driver side. When the police got there her bumper was under mine on my side of the road but the police are saying theres not enough evidence to criminaly decide who's liable so the insurers will have to battle it out. I don't even really care about insurance right now I had my baby and my 4 year old in the car with me the woman was either driving too fast for the corner or just plain shouldn't be driving. Whenever I close my eyes all I see is her coming towards me with enough time to think she's on my side of the road hit the breaks we'll miss but she didn't even really seem to swerve but I'll admit I closed my eyes just before we hit so she might of at the end I had no wear to go as a country road next to a hill. Now I've got to look at my policy find out what my excess is and I'll probably loose my no claims as she seems to be denying she was on the wrong side of the road, although a kind paramedic told me she's said she can't remember what happened.

Oh my god how awful are you all OK? Would there be CCTV footage they could use to show that she was on the wrong side of the road? Is your car a write off?

Talkin I have been on these boards for years (under various names). My dh was 30k+ in debt and myself £15k+. My dh went through step change. He now owes under 2k and will be debt free next year. We now have no overdraft, no loans, no credit cards. I just have my car finance remaining which will be paid off early 2020.
A massive thank you for all of your advice and guidance

No cctv my girls go to out in the country preschool/school I had just picked up dd2 from preschool and was going for Dd1 from school it was a country road but more than wide enough for 2 tractors to pass each other. I'm going to look into buying a dash cam as soon as I can I've never been so scared though I keep seeing it over and over again there was enough time for me to see her coming and and how far into my side of the road she was and feeling helpless because I had no where to go the police have said to expect a right off. The moral of my story a dash cam is an necessity if I'd had one I wouldn't be worrying about my no claims and excess right now as well as being in pain and feeling sick about what could have happened to my babies although we were incredibly lucky we all walked away so I shouldn't complain at all my babies are safe and with me it could have been very different

Lots of debt here but we are getting it under control. On another thread someone mentioned the fudget app which I've downloaded and I'm finding it useful to tell me how much money we have left for the rest of the month.

Bumbley
It makes me happy to hear how well you have done.

Onescared
Did either you or the paramedics or the police take any pictures of the scene ?
The insurers are WELL GOOD at unraveling these things.
Is the car driveable - as in do you have any immediate costs (gaffer tape is amazing stuff for short term repairs)
Give a statement and drawings to your insurer in the next few days to show where you are sure he was.
It will be fine.
And for your kids - turn it into a "grand adventure" and get them to draw the cars too - it will help them as it helped me as a kid to rationalise the whole thing

We took photo's ourselves DH being a police officer he knew all the right photos to take so I'm a bit better about it I think I'll still be nervous until I hear for sure what's happening with the insurance. I have some anxiety issues and am the type of person who constantly doubts herself hence how my DH found it easy to convince me I was imagining the money issues. I'm so bad the police couldn't find my glasses at first (airbag knocked them off) he kept asking me if I was sure I was wearing them and by the third time he asked me I was starting to doubt myself that I was wearing them (I literally can't see without them and haven't left the house without them in 10 years!). But one thing I am is honest I have crashed into someone when I was a teenager (parked car) I knocked on their door and told them because there was no other option for me if I make a mistake I own it so I can't believe she watched my 4 year old screaming on the side of the road wearing only one shoe and my 1 year old crying for me in a strangers arms while I called the emergency services and she could still lie that she was on her side of the road. Her bumper was still on my side of the road so it should be fairly obvious to the investigators I hope. The car unfortunately is completely undriveable the damage is insane we are so lucky we walked away. My kids are still showing no sign of injury my back, neck and shoulders are getting worse so I've taken the rest of the week off work my boss was lovely she's also dd1s head mistress and made sure Dd1 was safe and asked one of my friends to look after her so I've been truly lucky!

Oh Onescared that sounds horrible
on replacement car, go for something DEEPLY uncool ....
a friend of mine bought a 10 year old automatic Honda Civic
in gold with beige upholstery
and 11 months MOT
for £300
its a classic granny car but rock solid - worth checking out such things

My insurance thankfully will sort out the car for me they'll find one the same miles and value as my car they're also going to replace all the car seats which is brilliant as I literally bought DS a really good one on black Friday! Thank God I did as his old one would not have protected him anywhere near as well. My granda literally just bought the car as she didn't think mine was safe enough (15 year old citron) the breaks weren't great on it either I literally don't want to think what would have happened if I'd been driving that.
On the debt note we just found out we have another 250 pound to find this month as a debt for hall fees (we used to run a karate club in a village hall) has shown up however chairperson of the hall had told DH to forget about it (we'd been there years and was the only time we'd fallen behind on fees) but they didn't put it in writing now there's a new chair and they're asking for the money in bloody December right before Christmas of course!

Hello @Talkinpeece - may I join you please?

I feel ill 

A few weeks back my credit card company wrote to me, inviting me to increase my monthly repayment, as I was classed as in persistent debt. They had suggested an amount that was much more than the minimum payment.

I absolutely hate talking to banks/cc companies but mustered up the courage to call and suggested I increase the monthly amount to a little below what they had suggested, but still several hundred each month.

I explicitly asked that if I increased to my new amount, would they still cancel my card? They assured me they wouldn't and told me not to worry.

I have paid 2 months at the new amount and have not used the card at all.

Today, I have had a letter the same as the first one, telling me I should pay an even higher amount.

So now I am panicking and feel so ashamed. Can't talk to anyone in rl.



Hi there HowWhenWhy,
I just start the threads, everybody is welcome.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by increasing the amount ....
Are they changing the minimum payment terms of your credit card?
On what grounds?
Are you hitting every minimum monthly payment?
Are you still using the card - so hitting your limit every month rather than clearing the debt?
Have you done a budget to understand what is causing this ?
Have you spoken to Stepchange ?

Thanks for your reply @Talkinpeece
I have not used the card for over a year.
They told me to increase payments from the minimum -which I had always paid on time - so I increased it by several hundred a month, but not to the amount they suggested, just slightly under.
Now they have suggested I increase again by another £100

Nowhere near credit limit either?

They are taking the piss.
Ask them to provide the credit agreement you signed up to that permits this.
Check your statements.
Pay them what you can afford - the same amount every month by standing order
and dare them to take you to court.

@Talkinpeece thank you :)
Really appreciate your advice. I will call them and come back and let you know how I get on.

Fingers crossed

Card companies pick on the vulnerable
once you stand up for yourself they tend to back down

We're moving forward with the claim the car seats have been replaced or at least ordered and will be with us Monday the ladies in mothercare told us we've been very lucky as our company has given us a voucher for the full market value of each without needing a receipt for either of the older ones. Apparently alot of insurers now only give £100 per car seat I would have been devastated as we'd literally paid £220 for DSs last week direct line however gave us the full £300 on a voucher for it as it was no longer on sale. As of yesterday the old woman still hadn't reported it to her insurers as they are unaware of any accident invloving her car! So it's going to be a while getting sorted I think she's going to drag her heels. However our insurance company have received our photos from the scene and have said the photos do appear to support my statement so hopefully it won't be to hard to prove she was at fault, although I'm still struggling to believe a little old lady would lie through her teeth when she could have seriously injured young children.
We got our courtesy car today too it's going to be a struggle as it doesn't fit the pram in very well or 3 car seats in the back so I'll have to ride in the back when all 5 of us are in the car! But it's safe and can get us from A to B so that's all that matters.

onescared
Glad you are mobile again.
Keep on at your insurers because they are a PITA at getting things moving fast ....
My car was off the road for a while and my courtesy car was flash but I wanted my layout of car

Looking at this month I've decided to not try and save extra for the debt (this month only) with Christmas I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself and with the extra bill and the fact we're travelling up north and have a few Christmas presents left to get I just want to make this month a little easier. I've been managing to save £20—£50 out of the food shop budget each week that's also paid for expenses such as dd1s school trips and broken school shoes which have cropped up throughout the month. I'm thinking about taking this extra money to finish the Christmas shop and buy DS his first pair of shoes as he's pretty desperate for some. I still keep thinking about the sheer amount of debt and the title of your thread is so appropriate as drowning is exactly how I feel like Im deep under water and I can't find the surface whichever way I go just seems to lead me deeper in.
I'm now dreading going home for Christmas as my mum has told the whole family what has happened and I feel humiliated. I know and understand why she's done it as she's been telling me for years she thinks my husband has debt problems and has been telling other people too and we all ignored her so now she's been proven right but I really wish she thought about how horrible this is for me before she's told everyone and I mean my entire family not just her sister and brother but my cousins too who I socialise with when im home! Now I just feel everyone will be feeling sorry for me. Not sure if anyone has any advise and dealing with this and keeping my head up high.
Also things aren't really getting better with DH he thinks they are as I'm letting him be more affectionate and don't cringe whenever he touches me I even tell him I love him as I desperately want to but I just don't feel the same as I did.

Onescared
Family Christmas - you need to take control of the communication. Ping a message to everybody you will be seeing that your debt issues are yours to control and will only be discussed if YOU bring it up.
Unwelcome raising of it reserves you and your DH the right to walk out of any room.
Be willing to do it - even over Christmas Lunch.
chances are most people have more debt than they own up to

Unhappiness towards your DH
Have you told him how you feel. Have you sat down over a cuppa and discussed how badly you feel let down.
Do not bottle this up r try to brush it under the carpet.
Set a time every day (even five minute) to talk frankly.
Set a half hour each week to review progress and perceptions of progress.
You cannot pull together if you do not communicate in an almost Californian manner

And I quite agree about shelving debt hammering until your insurance claim is sorted.

Thanks for the advice again talkin I think a weekly meeting is a really good idea. We have talked alot about it he's been very good at letting me get it all off my chest. He still very much my best friend and the person I enjoy spending all my time with however the complete head over heals in love is just not there right now. I hope when the hurt lessons my feelings will return
I think progress meetings will be good as I genuinely feel like we're making little to no progress although it's only been about 6 weeks so not sure what I'm expecting however it also might help DH feel more included as I can tell him the bank situation without giving him access to it.
I don't think anyone will mention the debt I've spoken to my cousin a few times and she hasn't brought it up we're just trying to organise a family get together as our kids really love seeing each other but don't get to often I think I'm just really embarrassed that everyone knows how stupid I was and that it was so easy to pull the wool over my eyes I think my family probably think I should leave him but he is genuinely a good dad even better now the stress is gone.

Onescared
Its not just the bank balance you need to chat about
its the things you'll miss from spending less
and the things you'll look forward to
and how he can make himself feel better without spending money
and how you compare yourselves with others
and what made you fall in love with each other in the first place

your relationship has been built on partial lies for a while
you need to rebuild it on truth
as then it will last for ever

Hi all!
Just looking for some advice as I have been quite lucky and have been able to get a loan from a bank on a much lower interest and have paid off 8ks worth of credit card debt. My outgoings for min payments were over £300 quid a month, and now with the loan it’s only £140 which is still a lot but far far better than the position I was in.

I’d just like some advice on where to go from here. The loan is over 7 years but I’m hoping it’ll be easier for me to pay this off sooner (although I know they charge interest for part payment and at risk of sounding really foolish I don’t quite get if I’ve effed myself over by doing that as presumably I can’t pay random amounts toward it) . I’d also like to get into the habit of saving, but tbh I’ve always been in the habit of using my credit cards to tide me over each month. Sorry I’ve probably left out loads of info but would be good to hear what other people did once they got a bank loan for debt consolidation

See what the early repayment terms are for the loan .... see if you can pay off £200 a month
and put £100 a month by standing order into a savings account
so you'll have the same amount of cash you had
but will be soon debt free

Talkin thanks for the advice we sat and had a 10 minute talk about the banks and how we were doing this month. Which led to a 10 minute talk about Christmas budget and how I intend to make the savings for finishing off which led to us just talking for an hour we're going to try and do this every week more to show him that transparency with money matters is crucial than I really feel I need any double checking of anything but I do believe that hiding things was the worst thing he could have done for both our sakes so I'm trying to hide nothing.
We've spoken to my insurance too they said it will probably take 2 weeks for the other company to get back to them apprrently Aviva are known for taking the entire 2 weeks allocated to them to respond. However my insurance are satisfied that I'm not at fault and are perusing it as zero fault however this obviously does not mean the other insurance will feel the same. I'm wondering where I stand legally about this if I could seek legal advice if they won't accept fault its stupid as the money is negligible and and I wouldn't loose my no claims (or at least most of it) however the thought that someone could drive so dangerously and have no repercussions after my kids could have been seriously injured is burning me up. I'm not normally like that and I honestly believe if she'd just said it was an accident and she was sorry I'd not even persue it as everyone makes mistakes but I just can't understand the lack of care she showed to my children.