Can't afford to feed my husband

[Prusik]

Gah, the title sounds pathetic! Please don't rip me to pieces for the fact that he should be feeding himself but it's the simplest summary I can give.

DH is 6ft7 and skinny. He eats a lot to maintain his weight. He's both milk and egg free (milk is allergy, egg is intolerance as his gut tends to get inflamed). He also tries to avoid sugar as he was finding he was getting major energy slumps during the day and reaching for sweets.

Ok, so here goes. I did the food shop last night and it was £100. Haven't bought any luxury items apart from I bought four cartons of supermarket brand apple juice and haven't yet bought meat for the week.

Try to fill him up on protein, ie nuts, chicken wraps, etc as empty carbs just don't seem to cut it. I rely on cheap meat where I can, we eat a lot of mince. And I bulk things out with cheap veg and potatoes. We cook chilli with beans, pulses, etc and I make my own humous as that's a good fix and so much cheaper than the supermarkets.

I'm just at my wit's end. For various reasons we're now at the arse end of poor. We're going down to one vehicle and are really struggling. We don't buy coffees out, don't go anywhere which costs parking... everything we do is free. But I'm still struggling to afford to feed DH. I do buy fruit in for the baby and am starting to cut corners with what I eat just so DH and Ds can be fed. I'm not going without but will just have jam on toast for lunch rather than anything better as I don't want to use food up. This is far from ideal as I'm 28 weeks pregnant change in circumstances happened after I conceived

We get tax credits and child benefit.

Any tips for feeding a very hungry person on the cheap?? He's not greedy, he genuinely needs the food. ds is beginning to look like he will be the same

I dont think he comes across as an ogre you both come across as people unused to dealing with having to account for every single penny - and I think with eating 6 slices of bread and getting indigestion he is still not there!

It must be a relief to have him on board with cutting the food bill. It was awful that you were worrying about this on your own, and going without yourself.
Those overnight oats sound delicious btw.

I don't think he comes over as an ogre at all - he's a very tall guy, he must need a lot of calories, and he's obviously using them all if he's skinny. It's just finding a way of filling him up so he's not hungry without it costing a fortune. I've been there a few years back with a big tall constantly growing rugby playing teenage DS

And it is hard thinking of things to cook when you are on a strict budget.

We've always had to be careful but have never been tight for money. If that makes sense.

I think work wasn't ideal today. He works in a shop and had to eat and work at the same time basically as his boss was rushed into hospital

I'm in Asda and there's a dickhead following the lady with the reductions trolley and the second she marks stuff down he's grabbing it

When I was feeding teenage boys and a husband with an outdoor job, suet dumplings were my friend. You can use veggie suet if you don’t like the idea of the real thing, add flour water and seasoning, pop them in the soup or stew and the crowd goes wild. Very dense, filling and tasty for literally pennies.

I saw a fight in tesco's once over some reduced items in the chilled section, take care 😉

I'm in Asda and there's a dickhead following the lady with the reductions trolley and the second she marks stuff down he's grabbing it hmm

That dickhead might be on the bones of his arse and just trying to eat. No need to be mean about it.

He was literally grabbing every single item

People get very grabby when the yellow stickers come out, even in M&S. I feel sorry for the shop assistants.

I thought there might be some issues in your past relating to control, and putting yourself last. Glad to hear you are aware of them, and even more glad that your H is on board and you are making use of the advice. All the best.

My aunt who owned two houses outright, worked full time and had savings was the same as that guy I’m hoping it’s the latter for him too as I’m pretty sure op doesn’t want anyone struggling. It’s still annoying as even if he is, he isn’t the only one on a budget and struggling there still has to be some etiquette applied it’s only mannered

Tbf iv been in a few of my local supermarkets at reduction time and it’s flys around shit and I get the feeling not everyone grabbing is struggling to eat.

I just ignore and go back when it’s quiet. Just to add I really like a few of the smart price staples in Asda and they are considerably cheaper than their brands and ASDA brand.

It's a tricky one as it's a bit much if it becomes a no no to take the yellow labelled food if you aren't struggling - there's nothing noble about always paying full price to Tesco. I've never followed the staff around but I do buy a lot of yellow label stuff, as well as loads of those bowls of fruit and veg for a quid you get on stalls. Is obviously greedy if people are taking more than they will eat.

I think that was my issue - he was taking every single thing that she was discounting - almost taking it right out of her hand each time.

Anyway, in other news, I managed to negotiate a £14 discount on my phone package.

I'm normally so on top of things like that but apparently it's one that had gone off my radar recently

I think that was my issue - he was taking every single thing that she was discounting - almost taking it right out of her hand each time

So what? If he gets to them first, they are his to buy. People rarely do that unless they have a real need to do so.
I once had a woman elbow me very hard in the ribs, right above my 8month bump, because I was picking up several yellow stickered things that she wanted. I had 10£ to feed 4 people for the week, no way was I smiling politely and handing them over to her.

I agree that there is too much of a protein obsession.

I din’t get the logic- people say protein “fills you up” which is ok if you want to eat less, but this bloke is obviously needing to eat more to meet his calorie needs!

Yes protein is important, but filling him up on pasta, rice, yorkshire puddings etc is going to be a much cheaper way to meet his calorie needs.

I know I have come late to this, but I read upstream DH had calculated his BMR at 3000kcal/d. I am a dietitian and calculate BMRs all the time, never, not once have I found anyone with such a high one. 1500-1700 is much more typical for a man in the age 30-50 range, then you add on a 30-40% allowance for activity.
And as other PPs have said, if you are going to meet most of this with protein it is going to be very expensive. It's unreasonable for him to expect that unless frankly he can subsidise it. Complex carbs such as rice, pasta, pots are not "empty" especially if wholegrain they can have a lot of vitamins and minerals.

@Prusik I'm surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet but wraps are incredibly easy to make literally flour, lard and hot water mixed into a dough flattened out and fried for 30 seconds on each side. I costed it out once as about 12p to make 10.

DH would love to make his own wraps!

whataboutbob i think the DH may be unknowingly referring to TDEE as opposed to BMR

You sound lovely OP, and your DH a decent enough fellow with a lot in his plate.

I haven’t RTFT but I think your original shopping list is a lot more indulgent than mine - and we’re not strapped for cash at all.

From a health and wealth perspective I shun prepared foods. Rice cakes, shop bought oatcakes (no doubt with palm oil in them), packaged cereals, squash, crisps, breaded ham (40p per slice!), rocket salad (no nutritional value, no calories, no bulk, just flavour) - it wouldn’t occur to me to buy these.

I’m sure in a thread this long it’s been said already, but Asian supermarkets/ grocers are your friend. Pulses, spices, whole wheat flour, vegetable oils, cheaper meat cuts, seasonal fruit and veg, bulk bought nuts - these are your friends. Eat three proper, balanced meals a day (or the same amount split into 6 half meals for those with faster metabolisms) and an adult shouldn’t NEED to snack.

Of course, nobody wants to suck the joy out of life. A diet of just that (no alcohol!) would be boring. And it’s hard work, too: vegetables and pulses often take a lot more time and effort to prepare than meat based diets. But hopefully savings made this way can allow you treats, too.

Other couple of thoughts: have you tried something like a Costco membership (useful for things like nappies and wipes....and tin openers)?

Also, we know now that obesity disproportionately affects those with the lowest incomes. Fast food calories are cheap. Im not suggesting you eat daily at KFC, but the odd high calorie meal once a month at MacDonalds/Pizza Hut etc might not be a bad idea.

The OPs DH is very tall and has an active job. It's not surprising he can't maintain his weight on 3000 calories a day.

Thank you for your input you're right, a lot.of the money is wasted. Looks like it was more of a top up shop because so far not needed to use any of the meat.ordered. I made a massive chilli with lentils, chickpeas, harricott beans, tinned.tomatoes, etc..it's lasted really well.

I did buy a tin opener from elsewhere in the end!!

I'd be interested to know more about calorie needs. DH is 6ft 7 and sits at about 185lb, only really moving about 3lb either side of that weight (jealous!) He's recently changed jobs and I've noticed his evening meal is smaller

Eggs are just about the cheapest form of protein there is.

Tell me about it. Him not being able to eat eggs is annoying!